WORST FEAR # 701: MENTAL INSTITUTION

Well, another one of my worst fears has been actualized and I am now really starting to believe in all that crap that they preach about in the Secrete and on Oprah.

Firstly, let me again apologize to you Anne. I know you are my only reader and that this connection that we have is very grounding for both of us. My goal is to get to Seattle as soon as I can but in the best of health so I can be of service to you. I know that your heart is weak and the more I spin out of control the less helpful that is to you....so let me acknowledge that your getting into surgery and successfully out (and don't let me even mention rehab!) is my ULTIMATE GOAL!

I have always felt so connected to you, no offense Lisa, that at times I felt like I was your real twin, at the soul level....know what I mean? Lisa and I are learning so much about each other and how to be great sisters that I would never want to stop our developing relationship either....so I'm just standing here in the middle here between the two of you loving you both.

So let me make some boundaries for me which I think will help us both.

I will tell you why I was locked into a mental institution for the last 3 days (apprehended by the police, handcuffed and all) but to do so I get to do it in a variety of ways....say, writing voices.

These writing voices will be telling the truth but I will write down the voice that I'd like to hear saying the lines so if Howard Stern says to me: Did you ever shove any art up your pussy, then I get to answer it. That is fantasy and it is in y head.

This way if you are strong enough to read then you can imagine this stuff...oh and you know how I forget people's names all the time, right? Like Steven Colbert or is he Stephen Collbert? He's your husband, so I'm gonna ask you to be my fact finder.

You can post the answers in the comments.

And I have a great story line for "Big Eddie" and he's chasing me and and he leaves all these really crazy ransom notes but from Staples or Office Depot because why? I don't know why, but I am sure once I find out why he'll only be shopping at Staples. I"m taking pictures all the way because why?

I'm crazy?

Maybe, that's what Mom might say...but what if Mom doesn't believe I am crazy, what if Mom thinks I'm finally getting my shit together, finding a good little waitressing job down in Coral Gables, visiting the sexy Dr. Paul and taking lots of walks, visits to the beaches and writing a lot at Starbucks?

What if that is the real truth?

Don't believe me? Call her!

I Dare You!

That will kill you in a second!!!

Ha Ha!!!Just kidding!

[In my head, I can hear Stephen Colbert saying, "But seriously people, that would Kill you!" Go ahead! Call her Baby! I really do dare you!!! :-]

How's this sounding to you? Reasonable? Sane? Crazy?

What if I get a choice in my sanity?

But no time for philosophy now.... too much to be done.

So to get to you Anne, I have a lot of stuff to do and I'm taking pictures and doing 1 hour development right now until I can figure out how to use a digital camera and I need somebody to fix my fucking computer because these red lights keep flashing and I need to add more memory and move my music files but I can't figure it out!!!

URGH!!!!

I really wish I had an awesome new Apple Power Book......I don't know how to use it but it is so sexy...makes me think all sorts of naughty thoughts....about blogging.....mmmmmmmmmmmm

Oh, and one more thing Anne....

I've been prescribed a new psychedelic drug that has just been put on the market. I have not taken it yet and the prescription will be ready for me today at 2 PM. I don't remember the name of it since I have to see the bottle.

I need your help trying to decide if I should start a new line of drug therapy. I've been off my pharmaceuticals drugs for several months now. I know, I did it really sneaky...I poured my withdrawal into art....that's how I was able to create the Lifestyle Center.

I know I freaked some people out because I do have unusually long bouts of creative energy but these bouts typically last up to 90 min. long and I can be incredibly productive in that time frame.

Following that 90 min. spurt I require food, relaxation, stretching, breath work, meditation, swimming...etc...you get the idea, some kind of self-care. The healing work I've been doing with Dr. Paul has been incredible and there are no drugs involved.

If you don't believe me, I am willing to have all my medical records published on this blog....that is if I can find some geeky guy to fix my god damned computer!!! See how it is all connected?

Was that thought a voice in my head or a plea to a geek?

You decide.

Here are some other facts about my life right now:

My job security from Whole Foods Market expired on 02/09/08. On that day I was in a mental institution. Yeah, I know they don't call them that anymore, but that's what they are....right? Isn't that like saying Nudist?

I have less than 6 weeks left of my insurance from Whole Foods Market.

I am on Long-Term Disability Insurance due to Post Tramatic Stress Disorder following an incident at Whole Foods Market of which I cannot speak about due to my signing a confidentiality agreement. Anyone who knows me, knows that I can keep a secret. Even the darkest most painful ones.

I do not qualify for Social Security Disability due to my high income level.

I am being evicted from my home.

I have filed for bankruptcy and today the judgment is final.

My car is being repossessed.

My sister is dying and needs open heart surgery.

She has no insurance.

I am far away from her.

Please pray for my sister Anne...it will help both of us.

Anne, tell me what you think. Should I take the pharmacudical drugs? You've been on them. I won't decide until I get your opinion.

I love you so much,
all the way from over here...
Linda

PS...I'm way to fucking busy to edit so when it comes out, it comes out. And I may need to post a lot of times during the day....'cuz I really miss you.

So does Puff.