Sunday, September 30, 2012

For Carolyn and Nina

I am Friends with Facebook, but sometimes I wonder who they think I am.

There are advertisements on the right side of my Facebook page and they are tailored to my footprint on the world wide web, something that I pay no attention too at all.  So this advertising message is reflecting back to me, who I am.  And I honestly don't know if I like what it is saying!

There are only a three types of advertisements
  1. Those that are hitting on my nesting side (white sale at Bed Bath and Beyond, home furnishings, laundry detergent...that kind of stuff).
  2. Those that are messing with my self-image (Dr. Oz lose 5 lbs in two weeks, Dole Salad Site etc..)
  3. Those that hit on my 'you're a single woman and desperate for a man' ... and we been watching you! (P.O.F.,,, or!)
 I'm aware of this and typically laugh off this notion, but then FaceBook told me that I was thinking about having a baby....and not just any kind of baby, but a baby who could read!


Please watch compelling video!

Well, if I'd had known that I could have intelligent, book reading babies, well maybe I would have decided to have one or two!  Back when these were fertile walking-grounds, smart reading babies weren't an option!

This made me re-think my whole baby option.  There are lots of babies in Europe and Romania and Asia or Africa...maybe I could pull a 'Madonna' and go adopt one!  But before I do so, I better think what I want my baby to read...what will be on my baby's reading list?

Well, the first books should be the "Baby Be Of Use" Books.  Have you read them?  They are spectacular!  Check out their titles!

These are my favorite Baby Reading Line on the market!

And it got me thinking, what other books would I like on my "Baby Reading List"?

Potty Training for slow Babies --- Obviously, because I don't know if my baby is smart or slow yet, and I really want them to get it right!

DMV Driver's Manuel---In case I have any questions when being pulled over by a police officer.

The Joy Of Cooking---Duh.  Will save me a LOT of time!

David McCullough's Book of Everything---Again, another HUGE time-saver!  Especially when those "how was the earth formed" questions come up!  :-D

I would also have my baby read the Farmer's Almanac, so when I'm in the bathroom I can ask my baby questions, like, "When will the first snowfall be this winter?"  Or, "Baby, how do I make a Sour Cherry Pie?"  My baby will always be available as a resource for answers!

And then I would have my baby read the Book of Mormon, The Holy Bible, The Koran, The Bhagavada Gita, The I Ching, The Tora, and everything by L. Ron Hubbard.  Then I would find him a great agent and have him make recordings available online and at the library for anyone who doesn't want to read those sacred books.  The information is much easier to digest if delivered by an adorable baby!

I would also make my baby read the Cliff Notes to all high school literature syllabus so by the time they arrive in the 10th grade and they are assigned to read "Dante's Inferno" they can say, "Awe heck!  I haven't read that since I was a Baby!"

Oh by golly,
I'm gonna have one smart baby!

So much love,
All the way from
Over here