Time for clarity

Dear Reader (a.k.a. Anne),

I am so sorry for having pushed your buttons and caused you such stress. sometimes I have a hard time talking about what is happening to me...there have been so many secretes and when I follow the bunny trail of where they all lead as to understanding why all this shit is happening to me I totally forgot to look up and witness you.

My goal is to get to Seattle before the operation but there may be a chance I will be a little late since I am still trying to wrap up a few more things before the flight.

There has been a lot of energy coming through me and Dr. Paul and I have been working together on learning new techniques for treating PTSD. We have come across something and it is very exciting but the timing couldn't be worst.

Dr. Paul and my MD, Dr. Woliner are both monitoring my progress closely. Dr. Paul wants to make sure I am supported to do the work that we have to do together... and he is concerned about me traveling too, in this condition.

I am pryaing for 10,000 to appear magically so I can buy myself a little time. I want to repay my landlord in full the $3150 I owe her so I can keep my apartment at least until April to figure out what I will do next.

If she had the money, she'd let me stay there for free so why not give her the money and let me stay there for free?

I would ask Big Eddie for the money but I don't want to have any mob debt hanging over my head.

Anyway, all i really need Big Eddie has...and that is a great fantasy.

So here's the deal. You are sick, Anne. I have a lot of shit on my plate. How about you rest, stop worrying about me because the one thing I know you taught me, and it wasn't potty training...it is that god will hear my prayers. I asked you what I could do for you and you said pray.

So I am going to end this posting and post a prayer.

I love you Anne.

Please forgive me for my behavior.