Shift the attention....

I canceled with Steve yesterday and told him I didn't want to start anything with him. I just am not into it and he wants to find a committed relationship so it is best for both of us. He understood and that is good. I don't want to lead him on and I really don't want the pressure of sleeping with him, especially if I don't feel intellectually connected to him....know what I mean?

Now, if he could explain dark matter to me....well....you know, I'd even accept the short version of understanding super-string theory. Actually you don't have to have a science mind to be with me, but at least an understanding that I may have a need to discuss physics sometimes...doesn't everybody?

This is why I remember my best relationship was when I was involved with two men...one a scientist, the other a mechanic. The scientist and I would talk and have fantastic food together and we had such a strong connection on many levels but not physically. He was a little guy, about 5'6" and he was beautiful, like a young Frank Sinatra...think early Bugs Bunny cartoon...handsome, but we weren't physically into each other. We talked about it and that was fine.

So he had a little woman on the side and I had a big man, Nathan. I don't know what was sexier about Nathan..his height and physical size (6'5" 230#) or his hands on my VW engine. Both are sexy traits. However, Nathan (21 at the time) let me know that he found all my interests 'daunting'. I was impressed that he knew the word daunting! The reality is that we had nothing to talk about unless if we were talking about cars...VW buses or Science Fiction.

The problem was that Nathan was very jealous of Doug the scientist. And when I got the offer to move to Elko, NV for work, I took it. Nathan thought I was taking him with me and that idea never entered my mind. He wasn't a very good communicator and I ended up hurting him pretty badly. I won't be looking him up in Seattle. I tried once before a few years ago and he was not having it...he wants nothing to do with me.

Can't blame him really....

To lift my spirits I decided to shift my attention back onto the arts. I looked up another artist who I miss dearly from Seattle....Ethan Harrington or EJack as he signs most of his paintings.

www.ejackart.com

Karen introduced me to Ethan in the mid-90's. Karen was sleeping with him at the time (as she loves to do with everyone!) He was about 21 or so and he was really starting to paint seriously. What I love about him is that he works in oils and he works super fast. He is a crazy painter! Drinks too much, listens to hard, cold jazz and is a huge risk taker in art and in his life. I think he still lives downtown near some of my other friends. On his website he's painted a couple of the places we used to hang out, like the Virgina Inn (V.I. as we used to call it back in the day.) Oh god how I miss the beer in Seattle.

I'm looking forward to being there...

I own only one of Ethan's pieces and I paid full price for it. It is a print. I couldn't afford the original, but it is the first in a series of prints and I love it. And looking at the pictures of Ethan he looks fully grown now...what a treat!

The colors choices he is using now are interesting against the Seattle background, especially since I remember Seattle as being so gray, cold and bleak. Ethan is a Leo and paints in bright colors bringing life to any subject around him. I love how prolific he is...always creating. And while I may not always have a "love"reaction to his work, I absolutely love how he works and what he does.

The respect I have for him is huge! He has an amazing way of finding funding...back in the day, he had a huge Japanese following and he not only would sleep with the female investors, but accepted their cash for living expenses and wine freely. He was a bit of an art whore....that's why I love him! He'd sell his body if it gave him enough money to keep painting.

Paint strong Ethan...we are long over due for a visit.

He painted me once, in my home, on the chaise. I never saw the finished work.

When I am feeling sad like this, remembering all my friends who I left and all the art and music, I really consider just relocating back to Seattle. The sunshine in Florida is great and all but what I really miss are friendships with people I can relate to.

I question why I want to come back to Florida. It offers great weather, sure. But what else does it offer me? There is no recycling...it all goes into the giant landfill, the only hill in site in the flat landscape. There is no connection with me and the art community here...especially in Pompano Beach. And what about Miami? Will I really find a community of people who I relate to and am inspired by there? I don't know.

Friendship is so important to me...

I had a great dinner with two incredible women the other night which was so good for my soul. Both of the women are leaving the area too...Brenda is going out to the Tree of Life center in Arizona to study raw foods to become a raw foods chef and Connie is going to relocate to California. I know I'll see both women again and we may be able to have one more dinner together before I leave mid-march, but after that I'll have to visit Brenda in Arizona and I don't know exactly when I'll see Connie again. She is such an inspiration to me...she lives her truth so gracefully and spreads the most beautiful energy...love, beauty...so generous with the beauty.

I am so blessed to have met these two women. Great healers, they are.

Having a community of people who are artists, musicians, writers, healer, whatever..people creating and living...is what I miss most and why I am anxious to get to Seattle.

I decided to leave Florida earlier than the end of March. I'm going to head up to Atlanta to spend time with my friends there and see the band again and then I'm going up to conduct a workshop with Karen in Hartford, CT.

I've been invited to give an aromatherapy lecture at a yoga studio. It will focus on how to use essential oils to enhance your skin and teach how to make customized body lotions and oils. This is second nature to me and it will be good to spend time with Karen. Plus I want to meet her latest beau. Mr. Scully. He's big in politics and is also a guest on a lot of talk-radio shows. I'm sure we'll get along great and he's sobering up too, so that's good for Karen too. Alcohol is such a depressant.

Now I am feeling a bit better. Thank you for letting me share all these beautiful people with you...

Dearest God,

Please keep your eye on Little Man. May his coat be shiny and soft for all eternity...and if the Hawks are strong enough to pick-up a twenty pound cat, may his death be swift and easy with very little suffering. He was such a good cat to not only me but to his first family from whence he came.

Also god, pleases help me find a good home for Puff before I head out. Thank you for Debby's offer to take care of her but I am not sure it is good for the little girl to be in a home with 7 other animals, 3 of which are dogs and one is a pit bull. Not that all pit bulls are bad, but she is such a tiny thing and she misses Little Man so...she sits for hours looking out into the backyard looking for him and he doesn't come.

Thank you for the kitty people and please forgive me for having to relinquish my responsibilities right now. It is so hard for me...my heart is aching. Thank you for the softest kitties in the world. I do not know how I could have deserved their affection. I am humbled by their unconditional love. Thank you thank you thank you. Ashey. Namaste.

All the way from here,
L.