Charges Filed: SHALLOW

Lalala thinks I am shallow.

Here are a couple more fun facts about me:

He's right, but I prefer to call it egocentric.

It's none of my business to know what you think about me. You are welcomed to your opinion and perhaps it is very true...thank you for your honesty. I love to witness peoples judgments. Especially when I am the one being judged.

The reality is that I still have my Whole Foods Market store discount and I won't be terminated from the company until nearly the end off March by which time I'll be in Seattle and shopping at the coop (which I'm already a lifetime member) or Trader Joe's so I don't really need to marry anyone for a 20% discount.

As for citizenship to Italy? Well, according to Italian laws, I can fill out all sorts of paperwork through the Italian consulate proving that my mother was first generation born in the USA and I qualify for dual citizenship to the motherland of Italy. But I have to produce all sorts of documents about my family's history. Sadly there are only 4 people left in my family so finding those documents from my mother would be brutal. Plus my mother doesn't talk about her family or the past at all except at how my sisters and I have ruined her life, still to this day by being born so asking for my great grandmother's maiden name is kinda out of the question right now.

And I hate all that bullshit paperwork.

Wouldn't it be much easier for me to marry an Italian? I mean Gianni had his citizenship to Italy but gave it up for a Spanish passport. I am sure there's a woman involved and there is a lot of heartache there because he regrets giving up his motherland passport. He has a USA passport too...

Yes, I am shallow. I know that having been raised by all women and not witnessing any male-female relationships that last i.e.: marriage and/or even a male presence that wasn't predatory in a sexual nature... I do not have a lot of faith in the traditional marriage system.

I am an ordained minister and the reason I became one was to perform Divorce Ceremonies. People enter marriage with all this fanciful ideals and wishes and lofty dreams and like today's society, they fall apart. People grow apart, their values change, they change physically, the dreams dissolve they fall out of love and they get angry, projecting all their fears onto the other person's face and finally after years of silence or sleeping on the couch they decide it isn't working out and file for divorce.

My vision is to have a ceremony where the two people come together to acknowledge what they have shared and to wish the other well. I've seen too many people hang onto old feelings of hurt and pain....not letting the other person leave energetically so they stay unconsciously connected to their mate long after the divorce papers are signed.

The idea of the divorce ceremony is intended to be an intimate event with as few people present as needed. It really only takes the three...the couple and me. Keep the energy clean. Let's not hang-on to the past.

I know this from the pain in my past and from watching others carry that anger around with them...maybe when Lalala is a little older he will understand.

It's funny, while I was with the Sexy Jean yesterday (you remember him from Massage Envy? My very handsome strong-handed Haitian Massage Therapist...ooooohhhh how I will miss my Saturday mornings with him! Thank you God!) we were talking about marriage and love. Jean is a one-woman man...I can tell the way he was talking about marriage and love.

See...I am constantly amazed that there are tender, loving, romantic men who seek intimate relationships. I was raised to believe that men were all predators and that it was imperative to be self-sufficient and to not depend on anyone else for your needs to be met...especially financially. Given the philosophies I was raised with and my fiery nature and you add in some of my skills the results are unique.

I shared some of my personal philosophies with Jean while laying naked under a crisp white sheet.

I believe that men are more in touch with their feelings meaning they feel more deeply than women do....women intellectualize their feelings more and are less in touch with how they feel in their bodies, even when they feel good...what does the heart feel? What do you feel in your body?

Don't worry Anne, I know you are the exception and you have taught me a ton about staying in touch with my feelings. You lead by example. Thank you!

That is something I've had to learn from the talented Dr. Paul. How to bring those emotions into my body and not relive the pain or pleasure, but to bring awareness to the cells and understand that is an emotion I am feeling in my lower back or calf or wherever.

The body traps emotions in its cells and muscles...it's called "cellular memory" and if it isn't released it will stay festering in the body until the physical expires. There are many books written about this and I am willing to treat myself non-traditionally using these techniques to heal my pain from sexual trauma and abuse.

We all have our stories of pain and mine is neither greater than nor less than anyone else's. I find it amazing that given my history that I am still so attracted to men! I mean, if I listened to the stories of abuse that I have, I should have jumped ship and become a lesbian a long long time ago...but it's not my way. Women are hot and all, but they don't do it for me the way a man does.

I think it's mighty healthy for me to find myself attracted to so many men right now. I feel as if I were dead inside for a lot of years and I am awakening to the beauty that is all around me and the men folk are part of that beauty.

Feel free to quote me on that in your philosophy paper Lalala.

I got a ton of theories about men and women and relationships...all unproven because no man is willing to take the risk to explore an alternative relationship using these ideals. Steve could have had a chance but he was angry at me for not sleeping with him on the first date.

That's not who I am....sorry.

Having intimate everyday relationships are more important to me than having random sex, and having stimulating interesting conversations I find more arousing than just making out.

Poor Steve...you know, I only gave him 2 questions out of the dating quiz because I knew he couldn't answer the science question...I probably shouldn't have made out with him based on that fact only....

What questions did I ask him?

What is your last name? I asked to see his license to make sure I had the spelling of his name right too...

Have you been on a reality TV program. No, he hadn't been on a show and he thought it was just a little odd that I asked him that question.

I took mercy on him and did not ask him to explain dark matter to me in one minute of less.

Maybe I am cynical but what is the point of a traditional marriage in this day and age especially if you do not wish to have children?

I think it is rare that two people get along well enough to have that sort of intimate relationship that doesn't require paperwork.

Please, keep those judgments a coming! It helps me stay true to my path.

Dear Kindest God,


Thank you for the beautiful morning, although it'd be nice if these clouds move out and more sunshine come in...not that I need the tan or anything, its just so nice when it is sunny and warm. I have a few requests today god, the usual...bless and protect us all especially those who are out doing this and that and not really thinking about the here and now along with those who are in pain and suffering. It is so believable when trapped in our little stories.



God, take an extra moment and surround my sister Anne with white healing light so that she maybe strong enough to have the surgery she desperately needs to be well again. May it go smoothly and easily. And god, may my conversation with the Washington State Insurance Commissioner tomorrow go well and may we find a way to raise the quarter million dollars needed for her surgery and recovery. If we raise too much money we promise to donate it to others who are in similar situations. That will not be hard to do in todays society.



Please protect all the special menfolk who have surprised and delighted me in the recent past. Thank you for bringing interesting men for me to meet and talk to to remind me that it is possible for me to find companionship in a variety of forms. OH, and thanks for Jean...those hands baby....ooooooooooooolala! Thank you God! Many blessings and all of that... Ashey. Namaste.

So much love,
All the way from here...
Linda