Steve called yesterday but it was an hour or so after he said he would call. I didn't notice actually, he told me he was late in calling me and launched into a heavy discussion. It's funny... some of my former girlfriends would have been waiting by the phone noticing that he didn't call and he was late and start wondering if they had done something wrong and this and that and this and that...
I was kinda hoping he wouldn't call or maybe he'd get a better offer because I was really starting to think about some things on the date that weren't bad but they were not exactly a match for me either...but I'll get to that in a moment.
So Steve calls. I told him I forgot that I had a doctor's appointment in Miami on Friday afternoon (like I do on most Friday afternoons) and that I'd probably be later than 7:30.
Then he gets a little flip and said, "Maybe I should come by at 9:00 and just bring condoms."
I said, "What, because I don't want a committed relationship you think all I want is a booty call?"
"Well, what else do you want?" he asked.
"Friendship, companionship, laughter...someone to hang out with and have fun with." I said.
"So I'll bring condoms and we'll watch TV first." he said.
"Well...that's not exactly what I mean. I don't watch TV really anymore unless if it's cartoons or maybe a basketball game and I don't have cable and I do not feel comfortable with you picking me up and taking me to your house. Maybe this isn't a good situation for either of us Steve." I said.
It was at that moment that I remembered the LITE JAZZ.
Here's a fun fact about me: I don't like LITE ANYTHING!
No Lite beer, Lite jazz, Lite housework, Lite conversation, Lite shows, Lite comedies, Lite diet, Lite sex, Lite windows. No Lite Allowed.
LITE is not even a real word. How it has been associated with Jazz is horrifying. How can you put Bob James and Bill Evans in the same genre of music?
Notice the Exception: Lite Brite. I do like a good LITE BRITE...especially when there is a pretty flower or boat in primary colors sitting on a sea of calm, black waters.
Let's put it in a mathematical equation.
Bob James does not = Bill Evans
Bob James is < Bill Evans
Class, < is the less than sign.
Granted, Bill Evans was whacked out on smack for a long time and then he cleaned up his act and continued to write and make incredible music. Sadly Chet Baker didn't have the same path when he got clean...face bashed in with his own trumpet. But his voice...poor Chet.
Maybe if Bob James had been hooked on smack for a while his music would have had more soul.
Bob James peaked when he wrote the "Theme to Taxi". A great tune, don't get me wrong. It is still appreciate today when heard. I mean that was a great show and I really hope that he made a lot of money for his composition and that he gets royalties each time it is played on Nick-at-Nite (NOTE: Nite is not a real word either, but I'll let it pass this time.)
When I was 18 or 19 and starting to explore Jazz (remind me to tell you about the first time I fell in love with an incredible bass player! Keith Moller...Anne, you remember him? From Caruso's? Oh god, was he a great musician and so cute....a tall Dudley Moore less the the alcoholism!) Back then I liked Bob James. He led me to Dave Grusin who led me to Pat Metheny who led me to Dave Brubeck who led me to Miles Davis who led me to John Coltrane and the discovery of Bill Evans.
It did not lead me to Kevin Bacon.
What's this all got to do with Steve and the condoms?
Plenty.
After I didn't sleep with Steve on the first date, he had a chance to think about what I said over dinner. I told him to keep dating other women because I wasn't looking for a committed relationship. I was my usual straight-up direct self. I told him I was taking care of my own needs first and that was priority number one. I've essentially won the lottery for the next two years with a steady stream of income and am taking the time to invest in myself and my creative way of life and that means in relationships too...not just art.
He really wants to be in a committed relationship and that's not what I want. I was clear...very direct...my exact words were:
"Steve, I do not want to be in a committed relationship right now unless if you work for Whole Foods and I get your store discount or if you have citizenship to Italy or France." I did not shout it but I was very clear. You can quote me on that...
That is the truth.
That is My truth.
So I told him he was a great catch for someone else, not me. If I wanted that kind of American relationship he would be my first choice...and you know, if he meditated or had any kind of spiritually developed side, I might consider sleeping with him...but just because you are flexible and do yoga does not mean that you are spiritual...and having a spiritual connection and having a physical relationship can lead to profoundly euphoric experiences.
Certainly worth the wait.
I did agree to go to the Italian festival with him on Sunday and that if he wanted to take a bike ride or go for a walk that I'm his gal...you know, I'd even be up for some ice skating. I really used to love it and it'd be nice to get on the ice before I head out to Seattle...make sure my tights fit and see how they look with a nice little velvet black mini skirt...I love the fashion.
Now, how to tell mom...she was so excited about me dating some guy into mortgage and finance. The good news is that Steve helps people after bankruptcy secure loans to first-time buyers. This could really help me out when I return to Miami. Who knows.
Okay...no more craigslist for me....at least not for today.
So much love...
You know where I am...
Linda
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Friday, February 22, 2008
Door Number 2
My first choice for my man is behind Door Number One. Sadly, he doesn't feel the same way about me. You know, it is so rare when you have a connection with someone...a connection in so many areas, or so it seems... and it just isn't meant to be...well, it is kinda sad.
Like in the movies, but no happy ending. Echart Tolle says that there are no happy endings, only this moment. I have to agree. It's funny, Karen has such a violent reaction to my attachment to the man behind Door Number One, even the idea of it...especially when there is a psychic connection. I don't think she's experienced that before and since I was raised by psychics, that is what I am most attracted too...the other ways humans communciate besides through words or actions. The thoughts that connect us...the twin connection...ESP...the occult...
However, the idea of the man behind Door Number One may be better than the physical relationship since it has never been tried. He has not expressed interest in me and it is not our path. Ideas and ideals create slippery sloaps.
I accept my heartache and allow it to be.
And I am moving on to door number 2. It's funny with matters of the heart...so hard to articulate the feelings that live inside a muscle.
So for the introductions:
Everyone, this is Steve.
I met him on Craigslist.org. I know, I know..didn't I learn anything from the Naked Guy? But I didn't answer Naked Guy's personal ad, I answered an ad to be a housesitter for his house, not dinner and a walk on the beach...
Steve wrote a great ad, very honest and articulate and I read it on a whim...I hadn't been on craigslist since I went out with Paul, the duel company owner who couldn't sleep because he could hear his heart beating so loudly. I don't even know what possessed me to go looking for someone to date, but I did and I replied. He responded quickly to my response and we made plans for dinner.
He arrives on time holding a beautiful bouquet of snap dragon flowers and he kisses me within the first 10 minutes. A nice little kiss that just said..."hey, I like you!" and I was glad he did it too. I misread men a lot and I have been attracted to men who do not want a physical relationship with me so I like the acknowledgment that he finds me attractive. I like kissing and need to be kissed often (yes, just like Miss Scarlett.) He is affectionate and human touch is so lovely. It was welcomed, kind and gentle.
I must say, Steve is a MAN. I mean, he is mature but playful, articulate and a good listener and he asked so many questions about me...so interested in my life and who I am. I guess I am very non-typical of the women of South Florida.
He's 44 and been divorced for almost 3 years now and has been searching for a mate with many online dating sites and craigslist and god knows what else. I find it fascinating to hear about his search for a woman. He is older than the men I am typically interested in but I didn't tell him that...the ego is so fragile.
I did mention that I had a blog too and I offered to give him my website address but he didn't want to read it. I did ask if I could write about him and he said yes so I am not typing out of line. I thought that was kinda odd...but he calls himself a writer too so who knows....
NOTE: I have tried to bring more consciousness around my writings about strangers especially in a small community like Pompano Beach. The Starbucks team members know I write about them and they like it but I didn't ask for permission from Big Eddie and his clan to write about them and I think I pissed them off, so I am being much more respectful now. I am sorry Ed if I offended you or your large extended family especially Baby Huey.
When I replied to Steve's ad, I didn't write anything sensational, I wrote just like I do here. I don't know what other women write to respond to ads, so I was just myself and I included my phone number...he called right away. Actually, he called me 3 times yesterday and then dinner, then walking, then fooling around like teenagers and then I sent him home.
Self discipline....it is a good thing. It prevents babies and diseases and keeps the mind sane. I recommend it. Feel free to quote me on that!
What amazed me is that he arrived for the date similar to how Karen would...he had a piece of luggage with him in his car and I think if I said I wanted to get married he'd have thought about it. He didn't need a protein shake...or maybe he did when he got home, I don't know. But I didn't need one and that's all that matters to me this morning.
Marriage: Does the conventional wisdom suit who I am?
What do you think?
I encouraged Steve to keep going out with other women and that I would be leaving soon enough and that I didn't think I'd be back for several months. Once I leave Seattle, there is some traveling I'd really like to do. I am most discouraged with the gas prices right now especially if I get another VW Camper...gas guzzlers...and I'd really like to go into the desert for a little while and to NYC to visit some people and maybe make some connections with a new literary agent...but it is too hard to predict the future today...future plans are difficult to make for me until Anne is out of surgery and well on the road to recovery...and to get my health stabilized...
I like Steve. He is funny, kind, great energy and strives for peace. He vibrates on a lovely frequency which is most important to me. He really wants to be in a one person committed relationship not necessarily marriage (so he says but I don't believe him...I think he wants to get married again) but he really wants to be involved with someone with a strong connection. His marriage was together for 20 years...7 years living together and then 13 years married and divorced. Such a long time...so hard to get over those old loves. Studies show that men die so young if they are single...women save lives.
I think if Steve worked for Whole Foods or if he had citizenship to Italy or France that I'd consider marrying him and I told him so too. I mean he really did bring marriage up a couple of times during dinner and he was fast forwarding me into his future asking me how long I was going to be gone and this and that and this and that and this and that....
Slow down Mr. Steve....my pace...okay?
I've only wanted to get married once and I asked him too, in writing. It didn't work out.
See, if I married a Whole Foods Market team member then I wouldn't have to start paying $600/mo in COBRA for my extensive medical expenses starting next month and I'd get to keep my store 20% discount. All great benefits. I mean, my bills are pouring in from my hospital stay and since they doped me up so much I don't even remember seeing Dr. Sanji and his 30 second consultation with me cost $450. That was the first bill of so many more that are pouring in....
I hate dealing with insurance companies.
I hate being a stereotype....woman focusing on the practical aspect of life only...and I hate being predictable.
Steve works in finance and banking. He would be good Jewish husband, just like Jay would have been. I am certain he would be an excellent provider and lover. He works out, has a great body, has lost over 50 pounds in the last couple of years so he can understand my relationship with discovering the self in a new body...and he has beautiful hands.
Lord help me to be near a man with beautiful hands. I must admit, it is one of my most favorite body parts on a man...I know I've talked about other parts, but seriously...I can stare at a man's hands and get lost in the idea of them and what they can do...especially if the are strong and a beautiful color....I actually wrote a meditation on the hands for Karen Sevenoff and myself...to notice the beauty of a lover's hands and sit in grace while gazing at the movement, muscles, the gift of having thumbs...good stuff.
It reminds me of John Sisko.
www.siskoworks.com
John Sisko is a brilliant sculptor who I met back in the late 1980's while working at Cutter's Bay House, just north from Pike Place Market. Working there was a cash cow! John was a bartender and a sculptor and painter and I was a waitress/floor manager. He and I hit it off and became fast friends. He never expressed any other interest in me other than sharing his art and I felt so honored, privileged really, that he included me in his creative world. John invited me many times to go to the foundry to pour the bronzes he created and he included me in all aspects of his work from when the models came over and he sculpted them in clay, to the foundry, to the finishing and the patina...I mean...really, a fantastic education this man gave me. We had such a great friendship for many years and then at some point we just went our separate ways.
John has since opened his own gallery in Seattle and I really can't wait to visit him again.
NOTE TO SELF: CALL JOHN SISKO WHEN BACK IN SEATTLE! MUST HAVE A GLASS OF WINE WITH HIM.
The first piece of art I purchased as an adult was a painted chair called "Danger Chair" which I still have. The second piece was a drawing that John did of a chrysanthemum in charcoal which I also have...I have saved the art and gotten rid of the other things that don't matter. I keep art like lovers in my heart...forever.
People...we must save the art! I don't want to get political but time is a wasting...time to get on the boat and save the beauty. It is going fast especially in this TV day and age. End of lecture.
What does any of this have to do with Steve? Nothing. Steve is not artistic and he listens to Lite jazz. These are not bad traits, just an observation on my part. I don't want to find differences between us but I do notice when my connectors are not hitting the synapse. I don't expect someone to be connected to me spiritually, physically, artistically, musically, emotionally, passionately....that is a mighty tall order.
He is going to call me this morning (later) and we are having dinner again this evening and he wanted to know what my weekend plans are...we'll see. I see the sexy Jean for my massage tomorrow morning and I don't want him to start getting jealous but I gotta be with Jean.
I warned Steve that I have received many complaints from men which include that I am too independent, too self-sufficient, too self-reliant and not in "need" of a man. I have warned him to protect his heart because I have behaved coldly in the past and not taken a man's heart into consideration and that I was taking care of my needs first. I suggested he do the same...(but he had to wait until he got home. Not in my house! :-)
Anyway...the long story is that I got another date tonight. I think it will be fun...pity I don't own more clothes and most of my shoes are in storage...and I am a bit taller than him...oh well.
Wish me luck and pray for Steve. My father didn't call me a "Black Widow" for nothing.
So much love,
All the way from over here....
Linda
Like in the movies, but no happy ending. Echart Tolle says that there are no happy endings, only this moment. I have to agree. It's funny, Karen has such a violent reaction to my attachment to the man behind Door Number One, even the idea of it...especially when there is a psychic connection. I don't think she's experienced that before and since I was raised by psychics, that is what I am most attracted too...the other ways humans communciate besides through words or actions. The thoughts that connect us...the twin connection...ESP...the occult...
However, the idea of the man behind Door Number One may be better than the physical relationship since it has never been tried. He has not expressed interest in me and it is not our path. Ideas and ideals create slippery sloaps.
I accept my heartache and allow it to be.
And I am moving on to door number 2. It's funny with matters of the heart...so hard to articulate the feelings that live inside a muscle.
So for the introductions:
Everyone, this is Steve.
I met him on Craigslist.org. I know, I know..didn't I learn anything from the Naked Guy? But I didn't answer Naked Guy's personal ad, I answered an ad to be a housesitter for his house, not dinner and a walk on the beach...
Steve wrote a great ad, very honest and articulate and I read it on a whim...I hadn't been on craigslist since I went out with Paul, the duel company owner who couldn't sleep because he could hear his heart beating so loudly. I don't even know what possessed me to go looking for someone to date, but I did and I replied. He responded quickly to my response and we made plans for dinner.
He arrives on time holding a beautiful bouquet of snap dragon flowers and he kisses me within the first 10 minutes. A nice little kiss that just said..."hey, I like you!" and I was glad he did it too. I misread men a lot and I have been attracted to men who do not want a physical relationship with me so I like the acknowledgment that he finds me attractive. I like kissing and need to be kissed often (yes, just like Miss Scarlett.) He is affectionate and human touch is so lovely. It was welcomed, kind and gentle.
I must say, Steve is a MAN. I mean, he is mature but playful, articulate and a good listener and he asked so many questions about me...so interested in my life and who I am. I guess I am very non-typical of the women of South Florida.
He's 44 and been divorced for almost 3 years now and has been searching for a mate with many online dating sites and craigslist and god knows what else. I find it fascinating to hear about his search for a woman. He is older than the men I am typically interested in but I didn't tell him that...the ego is so fragile.
I did mention that I had a blog too and I offered to give him my website address but he didn't want to read it. I did ask if I could write about him and he said yes so I am not typing out of line. I thought that was kinda odd...but he calls himself a writer too so who knows....
NOTE: I have tried to bring more consciousness around my writings about strangers especially in a small community like Pompano Beach. The Starbucks team members know I write about them and they like it but I didn't ask for permission from Big Eddie and his clan to write about them and I think I pissed them off, so I am being much more respectful now. I am sorry Ed if I offended you or your large extended family especially Baby Huey.
When I replied to Steve's ad, I didn't write anything sensational, I wrote just like I do here. I don't know what other women write to respond to ads, so I was just myself and I included my phone number...he called right away. Actually, he called me 3 times yesterday and then dinner, then walking, then fooling around like teenagers and then I sent him home.
Self discipline....it is a good thing. It prevents babies and diseases and keeps the mind sane. I recommend it. Feel free to quote me on that!
What amazed me is that he arrived for the date similar to how Karen would...he had a piece of luggage with him in his car and I think if I said I wanted to get married he'd have thought about it. He didn't need a protein shake...or maybe he did when he got home, I don't know. But I didn't need one and that's all that matters to me this morning.
Marriage: Does the conventional wisdom suit who I am?
What do you think?
I encouraged Steve to keep going out with other women and that I would be leaving soon enough and that I didn't think I'd be back for several months. Once I leave Seattle, there is some traveling I'd really like to do. I am most discouraged with the gas prices right now especially if I get another VW Camper...gas guzzlers...and I'd really like to go into the desert for a little while and to NYC to visit some people and maybe make some connections with a new literary agent...but it is too hard to predict the future today...future plans are difficult to make for me until Anne is out of surgery and well on the road to recovery...and to get my health stabilized...
I like Steve. He is funny, kind, great energy and strives for peace. He vibrates on a lovely frequency which is most important to me. He really wants to be in a one person committed relationship not necessarily marriage (so he says but I don't believe him...I think he wants to get married again) but he really wants to be involved with someone with a strong connection. His marriage was together for 20 years...7 years living together and then 13 years married and divorced. Such a long time...so hard to get over those old loves. Studies show that men die so young if they are single...women save lives.
I think if Steve worked for Whole Foods or if he had citizenship to Italy or France that I'd consider marrying him and I told him so too. I mean he really did bring marriage up a couple of times during dinner and he was fast forwarding me into his future asking me how long I was going to be gone and this and that and this and that and this and that....
Slow down Mr. Steve....my pace...okay?
I've only wanted to get married once and I asked him too, in writing. It didn't work out.
See, if I married a Whole Foods Market team member then I wouldn't have to start paying $600/mo in COBRA for my extensive medical expenses starting next month and I'd get to keep my store 20% discount. All great benefits. I mean, my bills are pouring in from my hospital stay and since they doped me up so much I don't even remember seeing Dr. Sanji and his 30 second consultation with me cost $450. That was the first bill of so many more that are pouring in....
I hate dealing with insurance companies.
I hate being a stereotype....woman focusing on the practical aspect of life only...and I hate being predictable.
Steve works in finance and banking. He would be good Jewish husband, just like Jay would have been. I am certain he would be an excellent provider and lover. He works out, has a great body, has lost over 50 pounds in the last couple of years so he can understand my relationship with discovering the self in a new body...and he has beautiful hands.
Lord help me to be near a man with beautiful hands. I must admit, it is one of my most favorite body parts on a man...I know I've talked about other parts, but seriously...I can stare at a man's hands and get lost in the idea of them and what they can do...especially if the are strong and a beautiful color....I actually wrote a meditation on the hands for Karen Sevenoff and myself...to notice the beauty of a lover's hands and sit in grace while gazing at the movement, muscles, the gift of having thumbs...good stuff.
It reminds me of John Sisko.
www.siskoworks.com
John Sisko is a brilliant sculptor who I met back in the late 1980's while working at Cutter's Bay House, just north from Pike Place Market. Working there was a cash cow! John was a bartender and a sculptor and painter and I was a waitress/floor manager. He and I hit it off and became fast friends. He never expressed any other interest in me other than sharing his art and I felt so honored, privileged really, that he included me in his creative world. John invited me many times to go to the foundry to pour the bronzes he created and he included me in all aspects of his work from when the models came over and he sculpted them in clay, to the foundry, to the finishing and the patina...I mean...really, a fantastic education this man gave me. We had such a great friendship for many years and then at some point we just went our separate ways.
John has since opened his own gallery in Seattle and I really can't wait to visit him again.
NOTE TO SELF: CALL JOHN SISKO WHEN BACK IN SEATTLE! MUST HAVE A GLASS OF WINE WITH HIM.
The first piece of art I purchased as an adult was a painted chair called "Danger Chair" which I still have. The second piece was a drawing that John did of a chrysanthemum in charcoal which I also have...I have saved the art and gotten rid of the other things that don't matter. I keep art like lovers in my heart...forever.
People...we must save the art! I don't want to get political but time is a wasting...time to get on the boat and save the beauty. It is going fast especially in this TV day and age. End of lecture.
What does any of this have to do with Steve? Nothing. Steve is not artistic and he listens to Lite jazz. These are not bad traits, just an observation on my part. I don't want to find differences between us but I do notice when my connectors are not hitting the synapse. I don't expect someone to be connected to me spiritually, physically, artistically, musically, emotionally, passionately....that is a mighty tall order.
He is going to call me this morning (later) and we are having dinner again this evening and he wanted to know what my weekend plans are...we'll see. I see the sexy Jean for my massage tomorrow morning and I don't want him to start getting jealous but I gotta be with Jean.
I warned Steve that I have received many complaints from men which include that I am too independent, too self-sufficient, too self-reliant and not in "need" of a man. I have warned him to protect his heart because I have behaved coldly in the past and not taken a man's heart into consideration and that I was taking care of my needs first. I suggested he do the same...(but he had to wait until he got home. Not in my house! :-)
Anyway...the long story is that I got another date tonight. I think it will be fun...pity I don't own more clothes and most of my shoes are in storage...and I am a bit taller than him...oh well.
Wish me luck and pray for Steve. My father didn't call me a "Black Widow" for nothing.
So much love,
All the way from over here....
Linda
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Mystery Date
I got a date tonight and it is different this time since I don't have a car. That means he has to come over and pick me up for dinner.
It's a bit old fashioned and kinda cool. I mean, he has to come up to my door, knock on it, say hello and escort me to his car. That hasn't happened to me since high school...maybe college. Certainly not a first date in my adult life. Today it is rare that a person comes over to pick you up for an evening out on a first date.
Since this is a new experience I decided to reach out to some of my girlfriends to ask for their advice on preparing for a first date who was picking you up. Karen Sevenoff (www.karensevenoff.com) is my closest girlfriend and she dates a lot. She's dated multiple guys at once and I honestly don't know how she does it but she's recently slimmed down to one guy. I think she should be careful because I've learned my lesson and have stopped playing with men's hearts. They are too fragile. And so is mine.
I asked Karen how clean I should make the house. I mean, if I keep it kinda messy I am less inclined to invite him in if we really hit it off. Karen said she is fully prepared to marry the man on the first date and packs her purse accordingly.
"What?" I said. "You are ready to marry him before you meet him for dinner?"
"Oh yeah." She goes. "I usually bring my passport too. I am ready for anything."
"Like what?" I ask. "Sex? Then what?"
"Oh, certainly sex. I bring everything with me that I might need in a pinch." She said.
"Spill it. What's in your purse?" I say.
"Well, the obvious...tooth brush, condoms, and then some of those other things you really don't like to be with out." She continues, "Perfume, massage oil, poetry, protein shake."
"You bring shakes with you? Not protein bars?" I asked.
"Well, the shakes are so much quicker to absorb and you might be working up a sweat."
True. I thought. Good point. But seriously! Karen! What the fuck!
She is such a slut!
I don't know...maybe it is just me but I don't think there are any circumstances that I would sleep with someone on the first date. And yes, I am sure there was a time recently when I would have considered otherwise...but today? Now? At this moment? No.
I know that is a backwards way of being, but the truth is...I've had a hell of a year and I'll be damned if I am going to consciously do anything to fuck up what I have now...and while I love men and all and am so infatuated with the idea of being in partnership with someone...I'm leaving town in probably 6 weeks or less and I don't know when I'm coming back. So...
Who knows. Now I might consider other possibilities.
Hard to say....
His ad was funny, and he sent a nice photo.
Either way I am sure we'll have a good time and I'm looking forward to meeting him and dinner at Cafe Maxx. They have beautiful food and an incredible wine list. It will nice to be out and about.
Wish me luck!
L.
It's a bit old fashioned and kinda cool. I mean, he has to come up to my door, knock on it, say hello and escort me to his car. That hasn't happened to me since high school...maybe college. Certainly not a first date in my adult life. Today it is rare that a person comes over to pick you up for an evening out on a first date.
Since this is a new experience I decided to reach out to some of my girlfriends to ask for their advice on preparing for a first date who was picking you up. Karen Sevenoff (www.karensevenoff.com) is my closest girlfriend and she dates a lot. She's dated multiple guys at once and I honestly don't know how she does it but she's recently slimmed down to one guy. I think she should be careful because I've learned my lesson and have stopped playing with men's hearts. They are too fragile. And so is mine.
I asked Karen how clean I should make the house. I mean, if I keep it kinda messy I am less inclined to invite him in if we really hit it off. Karen said she is fully prepared to marry the man on the first date and packs her purse accordingly.
"What?" I said. "You are ready to marry him before you meet him for dinner?"
"Oh yeah." She goes. "I usually bring my passport too. I am ready for anything."
"Like what?" I ask. "Sex? Then what?"
"Oh, certainly sex. I bring everything with me that I might need in a pinch." She said.
"Spill it. What's in your purse?" I say.
"Well, the obvious...tooth brush, condoms, and then some of those other things you really don't like to be with out." She continues, "Perfume, massage oil, poetry, protein shake."
"You bring shakes with you? Not protein bars?" I asked.
"Well, the shakes are so much quicker to absorb and you might be working up a sweat."
True. I thought. Good point. But seriously! Karen! What the fuck!
She is such a slut!
I don't know...maybe it is just me but I don't think there are any circumstances that I would sleep with someone on the first date. And yes, I am sure there was a time recently when I would have considered otherwise...but today? Now? At this moment? No.
I know that is a backwards way of being, but the truth is...I've had a hell of a year and I'll be damned if I am going to consciously do anything to fuck up what I have now...and while I love men and all and am so infatuated with the idea of being in partnership with someone...I'm leaving town in probably 6 weeks or less and I don't know when I'm coming back. So...
Who knows. Now I might consider other possibilities.
Hard to say....
His ad was funny, and he sent a nice photo.
Either way I am sure we'll have a good time and I'm looking forward to meeting him and dinner at Cafe Maxx. They have beautiful food and an incredible wine list. It will nice to be out and about.
Wish me luck!
L.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Let's talk about Sex...
I've changed my routine up a bit since saying goodbye to the beautiful little Black SAAB. My new bike is fast and light and I feel so much freer biking around rather than having the burdon of a car. Sure, I can't get those 5 gallon water bottles filled as easily with my bike, but that is about all I am missing with the car so far.
Part of my changing ways is to stop living at times that are so nonsocial so I am sleeping later and starting my days with the sunrise and then Starbucks. It feels more balanced to me. A nice change.
One of my new friends from Starbucks is the Beautiful Leslie! She is a blond bombshell goddess, personal trainer who is fun, funny and fun loving. She works part-time teaching people how to take care of their bodies and then has her days free to do whatever she likes.
Part of her life since her divorce 3 years ago has been dating the men who visit our Starbucks. There are a lot of cuties who come here and we've been talking about the men. As we've been talking she asked about what kind of writing I've been doing and I pulled up the Dating Quiz.
She wanted to take it so we looked at the first question.
WHAT IS YOUR LAST NAME?
She read that question and totally related to it!
See, I'm not the only one who forgets to ask the last name! She told me a story about a guy she met and dated...a fun story that included lunch and dinner. She and I are very similar in our physical needs meaning we have high frequency requirements for food, activity, creative time and of course sex. We talked about her divorce 3 years ago and not surprisingly her main issue was that her husband didn't want sex often enough.
Now to really appreciate this story, you gotta see this woman! She is fucking BEAUTIFUL! Gorgeous body, blond hair, green eyes...a figure to die for...she is a fucking hottie! She would have stayed in her marriage but the frequency...the frequency...the frequency...
It reminds me of Gianni. He and I never agreed on frequency. I am a frequency woman, he is a quantity man. That is a combination that doesn't really work. Plus I needed to eat a steak and it would have tortured him too much to watch me eat it so we are only friends which is the best solution for all.
Gianni...I will always love you...I hope you stay open for love. You have so much to give....thank you for all your kindness.
Dating and the single world...at Starbucks in Pompano Beach Florida...
I've been watching Leslie and her magical powers over the caffeine addicted men of South Florida and let me tell you, she is a MAN MAGNET!
Today while she was talking to this cutie in a Harvard tee shirt she pulled out an issue of " NRA American Rifleman " magazine. While the Harvard guy went outside to smoke a cigarette (note: Harvard Man is immediately eliminated as a dating companion due to his smoking...poor thing...he has no idea how he will never be laid by this beauty because of his nicotine and alcohol addiction! Keep up the good work sister!) she showed me the Secret Service Agent special she was thinking about buying for only $175.
I've not considered buying a gun before and the only NRA association I've considered belonging too is the National Restaurant Association.
She keeps a gun with her. Hollow tips.
That means if she shoots you, she's gonna leave a big hole.
Good to know.
Look out Harvard Man! If you quit smoking and drinking, start working out a little bit and clean up your act you might be considered...but not today.
Dearest God,
Thank you for bringing my sister Leslie to Starbucks today. Her story inspires me to keep going on my path and to keep dating and meeting people. Her courage and strength are beautiful and she is strong and self-reliant...qualities that I strive for daily. Dearest kind white southern god, please protect the beautiful Leslie as she moves through her daily life meeting men and enjoying the physical aspects of daily life. Protect her so the beastly men who exist stay away from her bright inner light. May she never become prey to the smiling devil. I have danced with the smiling devil and although I do not need a gun today, I can understand her need to own one. Keep her safe.
Oh, and God...while we're praying here today...please guide my fingers to understand the instructions to finger my motherboard so my lovely little computer keeps working and moving fast. And of course protect Anne and please remind her that she's not supposed to be working 15 hours at a polling station for the republican caucus. She needs rest and it is a curse in our family for the women to work too damned much! Thanks for all the treats, coffee, and the sunshine. It will be a lovely day for a swim. Many blessings. Peace. Amen. Namaste.
I am off to enjoy the beautiful day.
So much love...
All the way from here...
Linda
Part of my changing ways is to stop living at times that are so nonsocial so I am sleeping later and starting my days with the sunrise and then Starbucks. It feels more balanced to me. A nice change.
One of my new friends from Starbucks is the Beautiful Leslie! She is a blond bombshell goddess, personal trainer who is fun, funny and fun loving. She works part-time teaching people how to take care of their bodies and then has her days free to do whatever she likes.
Part of her life since her divorce 3 years ago has been dating the men who visit our Starbucks. There are a lot of cuties who come here and we've been talking about the men. As we've been talking she asked about what kind of writing I've been doing and I pulled up the Dating Quiz.
She wanted to take it so we looked at the first question.
WHAT IS YOUR LAST NAME?
She read that question and totally related to it!
See, I'm not the only one who forgets to ask the last name! She told me a story about a guy she met and dated...a fun story that included lunch and dinner. She and I are very similar in our physical needs meaning we have high frequency requirements for food, activity, creative time and of course sex. We talked about her divorce 3 years ago and not surprisingly her main issue was that her husband didn't want sex often enough.
Now to really appreciate this story, you gotta see this woman! She is fucking BEAUTIFUL! Gorgeous body, blond hair, green eyes...a figure to die for...she is a fucking hottie! She would have stayed in her marriage but the frequency...the frequency...the frequency...
It reminds me of Gianni. He and I never agreed on frequency. I am a frequency woman, he is a quantity man. That is a combination that doesn't really work. Plus I needed to eat a steak and it would have tortured him too much to watch me eat it so we are only friends which is the best solution for all.
Gianni...I will always love you...I hope you stay open for love. You have so much to give....thank you for all your kindness.
Dating and the single world...at Starbucks in Pompano Beach Florida...
I've been watching Leslie and her magical powers over the caffeine addicted men of South Florida and let me tell you, she is a MAN MAGNET!
Today while she was talking to this cutie in a Harvard tee shirt she pulled out an issue of " NRA American Rifleman " magazine. While the Harvard guy went outside to smoke a cigarette (note: Harvard Man is immediately eliminated as a dating companion due to his smoking...poor thing...he has no idea how he will never be laid by this beauty because of his nicotine and alcohol addiction! Keep up the good work sister!) she showed me the Secret Service Agent special she was thinking about buying for only $175.
I've not considered buying a gun before and the only NRA association I've considered belonging too is the National Restaurant Association.
She keeps a gun with her. Hollow tips.
That means if she shoots you, she's gonna leave a big hole.
Good to know.
Look out Harvard Man! If you quit smoking and drinking, start working out a little bit and clean up your act you might be considered...but not today.
Dearest God,
Thank you for bringing my sister Leslie to Starbucks today. Her story inspires me to keep going on my path and to keep dating and meeting people. Her courage and strength are beautiful and she is strong and self-reliant...qualities that I strive for daily. Dearest kind white southern god, please protect the beautiful Leslie as she moves through her daily life meeting men and enjoying the physical aspects of daily life. Protect her so the beastly men who exist stay away from her bright inner light. May she never become prey to the smiling devil. I have danced with the smiling devil and although I do not need a gun today, I can understand her need to own one. Keep her safe.
Oh, and God...while we're praying here today...please guide my fingers to understand the instructions to finger my motherboard so my lovely little computer keeps working and moving fast. And of course protect Anne and please remind her that she's not supposed to be working 15 hours at a polling station for the republican caucus. She needs rest and it is a curse in our family for the women to work too damned much! Thanks for all the treats, coffee, and the sunshine. It will be a lovely day for a swim. Many blessings. Peace. Amen. Namaste.
I am off to enjoy the beautiful day.
So much love...
All the way from here...
Linda
Please Finger my Motherboard
I've got computer problems...it was bound to happen especially with my music collection. It takes up too much memory.
Anyway...today's mission is to fix the computer. Must find geeks. I bought memory boards that I thought I could install in my motherboard...but now I'm chickening out so I'm gonna call the professionals.
I'm gonna give the Geek Squad a call and see what their rates are like and if it is too much then I have a friend I can call but I don't want to be that long without my computer....so we'll see. Plus my friend charges $35/hr. That's the friend rate.
Wish me luck.
L.
Anyway...today's mission is to fix the computer. Must find geeks. I bought memory boards that I thought I could install in my motherboard...but now I'm chickening out so I'm gonna call the professionals.
I'm gonna give the Geek Squad a call and see what their rates are like and if it is too much then I have a friend I can call but I don't want to be that long without my computer....so we'll see. Plus my friend charges $35/hr. That's the friend rate.
Wish me luck.
L.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Little Man
My beloved cat, Little Man, ran away the night of my nervous breakdown. I'm not supposed to have animals where I live so I can't post signs but the people are friendly and I live in a really nice neighborhood so I am hoping that someone has found him and is feeding him...not that he needs it. He's a good kittie, very chatty and soft.
I miss him so much.
So does the beautiful Puff.
If you see him, please feed him and let him yell at you. That's just what he does.
L.
I posted a picture of him in my profile.
I miss him so much.
So does the beautiful Puff.
If you see him, please feed him and let him yell at you. That's just what he does.
L.
I posted a picture of him in my profile.
Dream Date: Spotting for Deer
I've been working on my relationship with my mother for several months now and how I do it is by being honest and true with her. It is not an easy task since we have such a painful history and I excluded her from my life, the truth of what I was doing, for almost 20 years...so there is a lot of rebuilding.
Many topics are off limits with my mom only because they cause her to spin into an anxiety attack and then go into excessive worry mode. I know all about that too because that is what happened to me and why I ended up in a mental ward. I have a lot of clarity around what happened to me now and how to prevent it from happening again....whew! Yes, today will be another good day.
I love to talk about Men with mother. She never remarried after my father left when I was 2 or 3 and she dated some while we were growing up. Mother is still very beautiful although she does not see it in herself. As a young woman she was very popular and exceptionally beautiful in a way that only women from Italy possess. Olive complexion, big dark brown eyes, a noble nose and great smile and laugh. My mother's laugh is recognized everywhere. She loves to laugh and can be very funny, although I don't know if she is always aware of her contribution to humor.
She and I are very similar and I've been fighting this fact for 43 years. Today I accept it.
She likes to go out for breakfast like I do and while she was out the other day, a former school teacher of mine, Mr. King, spotted her. He taught History, Health and Phys. Ed. I think I had him for health class in the 8th grade but I'm not sure. I do know that was around the time that Mom started dating him. She dated several of my teachers while I was in Jr. High. I didn't care but they never gave me better grades.
Mr. King was a tall, good looking solid man. I don't remember anything spectacular about him but I thought he had a kind soul. Sometimes that is enough for a man.
So Mom is out for breakfast the other day and she is looking at this man from across the room. She is checking out his jacket...she thought it was so beautiful with leather and some tweed. The way mother described it to me it sounded kinda gaudy, but it caught her attention so she was eating her oatmeal and noticing it. That's all.
It was Mr. King. He recognized her and came over to her table asking all sorts of questions about her history, her past. Didn't she graduate from Hershey High in 1956? Did she have 3 daughters, two who were twins? Didn't she live off of Nyes road? What kind of work did she find after she left the bank?
He remembered everything and mother was stunned! She had no idea who he was or how he knew these things about her. She finally asked him how he knew all this information and he told her who he was and that they dated.
Mom had no memory of it.
He picked up her check on the table and took it to the cashier and paid for her meal.
I told her that she was just picked up and she needed to pay a little bit more attention if she wanted to start dating again. Well she was flabbergasted with that idea.
"Dating!?! At my age?!? Looking like this?" Mom said.
"Yes Mom. You still got it!" I said.
"Oh, well...I just don't know...." she drifted off in the idea of dating again.
She's gotten so used to the idea of being alone forever that the thought of companionship, friendship really hasn't even entered her mind.
She also failed to recognized how deeply she made an impact on Mr. King and that sometimes he still remembered. Mr. King handled it with dignity but did not ask for her number nor continued the conversation.
Poor Mr. King. I am sorry that my mother is so heartless when it comes to feelings and human beings. It really isn't her fault. She just doesn't understand them or process them the same way.
What my mother does remember was my shop teacher who she dated. I was a bit of a revolutionariness while I was in Jr. High and High School. I was one of the first girls to take wood shop instead of home economics. I already was a great cook by the time I was 12 so I wanted to learn something new and shop was fun! I love working with tools and especially on cars....
My shop teacher, who's name I can't remember so I will call Mr. Shop, met my mom when she was working at the bank. She really liked him and they had chemistry. They dated and she remembers him as being the one that she wanted to marry. Now I don't remember that scenario but that is what she is remembering, so let her have her memories. Naturally she blames the break-up on us...my sisters and I.
Note: This is a common theme with all my mother's stories. The root of all unhappiness lies in the sole responsibility of the girls. Twins and the other one. End of story. While this is nonnegotiable, I do not take it personally. It is just her version of the story. There are so many points of view...if I wait around for us to agree we will never get along so I let it go.
Here's what she remembers so fondly of this guy and why she is mad at us for breaking them up. She said he was the one who took us out spotting for deer....when I know good and well that it wasn't my shop teacher who she's thinking of, she's thinking of some guy I remember named Donnie who chewed tobacco and spit in a can and he insisted we go spotting for deer more than once.
Spotting for deer is something you do in the backwoods of anywhere there is still wilderness and wildlife available. When you are a teenager and Mork and Mindy is on, the last place you want to be is in an old white Chevy Impalla in the mountains with some smelly guy spitting tobacco in a can using a huge spotlight to freeze the deer in the tracks. It seems rather cruel to me.
But mom thought it was a great date and loved it and blames us for breaking that relationship up.
Okay.
Guilty.
I accept the blame.
But before you condemn me Mother, consider this: If you had married the perfect shop teacher who spotted for deer and spat tobacco, would you have erected that fantastic swing set in your back yard last year? Would you still be getting on this swing with your walker by your side using your cane to push you upwards towards the sky laughing and enjoying the fresh air?
Maybe.
Maybe not.
It's okay if you're still mad at me. I can take it.
All the way down here....
L.
Many topics are off limits with my mom only because they cause her to spin into an anxiety attack and then go into excessive worry mode. I know all about that too because that is what happened to me and why I ended up in a mental ward. I have a lot of clarity around what happened to me now and how to prevent it from happening again....whew! Yes, today will be another good day.
I love to talk about Men with mother. She never remarried after my father left when I was 2 or 3 and she dated some while we were growing up. Mother is still very beautiful although she does not see it in herself. As a young woman she was very popular and exceptionally beautiful in a way that only women from Italy possess. Olive complexion, big dark brown eyes, a noble nose and great smile and laugh. My mother's laugh is recognized everywhere. She loves to laugh and can be very funny, although I don't know if she is always aware of her contribution to humor.
She and I are very similar and I've been fighting this fact for 43 years. Today I accept it.
She likes to go out for breakfast like I do and while she was out the other day, a former school teacher of mine, Mr. King, spotted her. He taught History, Health and Phys. Ed. I think I had him for health class in the 8th grade but I'm not sure. I do know that was around the time that Mom started dating him. She dated several of my teachers while I was in Jr. High. I didn't care but they never gave me better grades.
Mr. King was a tall, good looking solid man. I don't remember anything spectacular about him but I thought he had a kind soul. Sometimes that is enough for a man.
So Mom is out for breakfast the other day and she is looking at this man from across the room. She is checking out his jacket...she thought it was so beautiful with leather and some tweed. The way mother described it to me it sounded kinda gaudy, but it caught her attention so she was eating her oatmeal and noticing it. That's all.
It was Mr. King. He recognized her and came over to her table asking all sorts of questions about her history, her past. Didn't she graduate from Hershey High in 1956? Did she have 3 daughters, two who were twins? Didn't she live off of Nyes road? What kind of work did she find after she left the bank?
He remembered everything and mother was stunned! She had no idea who he was or how he knew these things about her. She finally asked him how he knew all this information and he told her who he was and that they dated.
Mom had no memory of it.
He picked up her check on the table and took it to the cashier and paid for her meal.
I told her that she was just picked up and she needed to pay a little bit more attention if she wanted to start dating again. Well she was flabbergasted with that idea.
"Dating!?! At my age?!? Looking like this?" Mom said.
"Yes Mom. You still got it!" I said.
"Oh, well...I just don't know...." she drifted off in the idea of dating again.
She's gotten so used to the idea of being alone forever that the thought of companionship, friendship really hasn't even entered her mind.
She also failed to recognized how deeply she made an impact on Mr. King and that sometimes he still remembered. Mr. King handled it with dignity but did not ask for her number nor continued the conversation.
Poor Mr. King. I am sorry that my mother is so heartless when it comes to feelings and human beings. It really isn't her fault. She just doesn't understand them or process them the same way.
What my mother does remember was my shop teacher who she dated. I was a bit of a revolutionariness while I was in Jr. High and High School. I was one of the first girls to take wood shop instead of home economics. I already was a great cook by the time I was 12 so I wanted to learn something new and shop was fun! I love working with tools and especially on cars....
My shop teacher, who's name I can't remember so I will call Mr. Shop, met my mom when she was working at the bank. She really liked him and they had chemistry. They dated and she remembers him as being the one that she wanted to marry. Now I don't remember that scenario but that is what she is remembering, so let her have her memories. Naturally she blames the break-up on us...my sisters and I.
Note: This is a common theme with all my mother's stories. The root of all unhappiness lies in the sole responsibility of the girls. Twins and the other one. End of story. While this is nonnegotiable, I do not take it personally. It is just her version of the story. There are so many points of view...if I wait around for us to agree we will never get along so I let it go.
Here's what she remembers so fondly of this guy and why she is mad at us for breaking them up. She said he was the one who took us out spotting for deer....when I know good and well that it wasn't my shop teacher who she's thinking of, she's thinking of some guy I remember named Donnie who chewed tobacco and spit in a can and he insisted we go spotting for deer more than once.
Spotting for deer is something you do in the backwoods of anywhere there is still wilderness and wildlife available. When you are a teenager and Mork and Mindy is on, the last place you want to be is in an old white Chevy Impalla in the mountains with some smelly guy spitting tobacco in a can using a huge spotlight to freeze the deer in the tracks. It seems rather cruel to me.
But mom thought it was a great date and loved it and blames us for breaking that relationship up.
Okay.
Guilty.
I accept the blame.
But before you condemn me Mother, consider this: If you had married the perfect shop teacher who spotted for deer and spat tobacco, would you have erected that fantastic swing set in your back yard last year? Would you still be getting on this swing with your walker by your side using your cane to push you upwards towards the sky laughing and enjoying the fresh air?
Maybe.
Maybe not.
It's okay if you're still mad at me. I can take it.
All the way down here....
L.
Super Diamond
I'm probably not going to make it to Seattle in time to see Super Diamond perform at the Showbox on March 14th...but who knows?
www.superdiamond.com
Super Diamond is this awesome band that plays only Neil Diamond cover tunes. The front man sounds just like Neil when he was in his prime in the 1970's and 80's. I have a lot of respect for Neil Diamond. He is a great song writer although I must admit that I am not too interested in any of his recent works. I can listen to his work up to the Johnathan Livingston Seagull album and then I have my limits.
This band is a mostly west coast experience although they have gigs in NYC and other places too. They are touring nationally now rather than regionally which is what they were doing when I left Seattle in 2001. They are based out of San Francisco and are very tight.
When I see a great band it makes me consider playing and performing again...especially with others.
It inspires me to consider performing but not jazz. I am playing jazz piano now but do it only for me...not intended for the listening public. A fantasy of mine is to have a band and for me to do a bunch of Neil Diamond tunes...maybe call the band, SHE DIAMOND. I'm not sure how to start a band but if I look for housing near the University of Miami...who knows. I can usually find musicians if I'm near a university. Anne Rainbow Shepard and I used to talk about the band and we used to think that it was an all girl band, but I don't know any other female musicians and Anne can't play anything so I'm more inclined to use real musicians and if there are females too, then all the better! But no gender limits in my band.
Yes, I have a lot of creative ideas happening right now and I am painting and writing too. I'm taking as much time as I can to create and rest before heading out west. There is much for me to do too in the way of getting this and that in order but that is falling into place nicely.
Oh, and the leather jacket I'm working on now I've decided to fill with some of my new poetry and quotes. I wrote this awesome poem in the style of Hafiz a couple of weeks ago and I've been painting it in all these brilliant colors. Leather paint color choices are a bit limited however I found a whole line of sparklie shiny paints...not matted and heavy.
I have a vision for the new leather jacket I want painted and it includes the symbols from the back of all mighty dollar bill...pyramid, left eye of horace, you know...light fun stuff. Maybe a snake or serpent? Very different from my last jacket which I gave away. And the brown leather monarch butterfly jacket I sent to Karen so I don't give anymore art away.
It is a bad habit of mine...giving away my art. I am working on keeping it now. Now, I'm giving away copies...or so I'll try.
Check out this band...they are fun and always have a sold-out show. That is impressive especially in the days of television. It is good for people to get out and see a show. Good for the soul.
Please go watch a band. You'll feel better and will want to perform again.
So much love,
All the way from over here...
L.
www.superdiamond.com
Super Diamond is this awesome band that plays only Neil Diamond cover tunes. The front man sounds just like Neil when he was in his prime in the 1970's and 80's. I have a lot of respect for Neil Diamond. He is a great song writer although I must admit that I am not too interested in any of his recent works. I can listen to his work up to the Johnathan Livingston Seagull album and then I have my limits.
This band is a mostly west coast experience although they have gigs in NYC and other places too. They are touring nationally now rather than regionally which is what they were doing when I left Seattle in 2001. They are based out of San Francisco and are very tight.
When I see a great band it makes me consider playing and performing again...especially with others.
It inspires me to consider performing but not jazz. I am playing jazz piano now but do it only for me...not intended for the listening public. A fantasy of mine is to have a band and for me to do a bunch of Neil Diamond tunes...maybe call the band, SHE DIAMOND. I'm not sure how to start a band but if I look for housing near the University of Miami...who knows. I can usually find musicians if I'm near a university. Anne Rainbow Shepard and I used to talk about the band and we used to think that it was an all girl band, but I don't know any other female musicians and Anne can't play anything so I'm more inclined to use real musicians and if there are females too, then all the better! But no gender limits in my band.
Yes, I have a lot of creative ideas happening right now and I am painting and writing too. I'm taking as much time as I can to create and rest before heading out west. There is much for me to do too in the way of getting this and that in order but that is falling into place nicely.
Oh, and the leather jacket I'm working on now I've decided to fill with some of my new poetry and quotes. I wrote this awesome poem in the style of Hafiz a couple of weeks ago and I've been painting it in all these brilliant colors. Leather paint color choices are a bit limited however I found a whole line of sparklie shiny paints...not matted and heavy.
I have a vision for the new leather jacket I want painted and it includes the symbols from the back of all mighty dollar bill...pyramid, left eye of horace, you know...light fun stuff. Maybe a snake or serpent? Very different from my last jacket which I gave away. And the brown leather monarch butterfly jacket I sent to Karen so I don't give anymore art away.
It is a bad habit of mine...giving away my art. I am working on keeping it now. Now, I'm giving away copies...or so I'll try.
Check out this band...they are fun and always have a sold-out show. That is impressive especially in the days of television. It is good for people to get out and see a show. Good for the soul.
Please go watch a band. You'll feel better and will want to perform again.
So much love,
All the way from over here...
L.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Good News....
Well, it pays to open your mail. I received a notice while I was hospitalized that my case against me from my landlord was ruled in my favor. I wrote the judge after I received the eviction notice stating how I contacted my landlord and tried to work out a rent deal following my LOA, especially since I wasn't receiving any benefits yet and had limited savings. I listed my landlord as a creditor in my bankruptcy and she will receive full benefits from that status on her taxes so if I were evicted and she rented out the place again she would benefit twice from this situation.
The judge ruled on my behalf. However I did state in that letter that I would be out by the 7th of February because that was the day I thought I was flying out....now the landlord has to refile a petition to the courts to have me evicted. However, I listed all the the rent until the end of the lease which is April 1st...so it looks like I can stay where I am for a little while longer.
This is good news. I'm having the car repossessed today or tomorrow so I don't have to pay for the insurance and I'm buying a bike. I bought one yesterday but you don't really know if it works for you until you ride it and this one is a bit too small for me, so back it goes.
Anyway...I gotta figure out all the trirail stuff to see Dr. Paul but other than that...things are moving smoothly.
I've started painting again. Watercolors and I am painting on that old leather jacket I bought in Vancouver BC back in the late 80's. It's a man's bomber jacket, way too big for me now...and I have a couple of different visions of what I'd like to paint on it...the pyramid but the shape of the jacket isn't really primed for that...I might just start painting all my dancing people again.
Do you remember that series of paintings I did Anne? The dancing people? I have pages and pages of these and think I might work on having an art show...I mean. What the hell? Why not me? I know I am not a skilled painter but it feels good to do the act and to have the paint on my hands and clothes.
Oh, I found at Pearl Art Supply these tiny canvases and I'm thinking about painting something really small. I thought of you and all your tiny art.
I'm so glad you're feeling stronger and your voice is getting so much fuller. Mom was talking about that show that George Norey had on Coast to Coast last week about the heart and all the talk about the valve replacement surgery. She's also been talking to people who have had the procedure done. Mom said that in Seattle there are experimental studies happening with the heart valve and stem cell research.
I'd like to remind you about my burn that happened to me when I was 18 years old. Remember how I had hot grease pour down the front of my body covering my leg? Remember how terrible that burn was and the charred skin that was on my leg? I had to wait over 18 hours for medical treatment because Mom was too freaked out to take me to a hospital and the hotel I was working at didn't have Worker's Comp laws like we have now.
So when I was at the Hershey Medical Center and they had to pull that charred skin off of the top of my right leg from above the knee to nearly the top of my thigh, it was very painful. VERY PAINFUL!!! Remember, I had no drugs because they had to find if there was any nerve damage?
Well, after I signed a release to be a part of medical experiment using the placenta as a natural covering for my leg, I've healed beautifully. You can't even tell that I've had the burn.
My Point?
Check it out. I know you have made your choice with the plastic valve and that is great. I support you in all your decisions, but I am kinda in the middle here with Mom and You and I'd like to be able to share information without being attached to either one of your choices.
So...maybe if you are feeling a little stronger you can ask about the stem sell research at Swedish Hospital. Mom says that you know what to do since you listen to the show too.
Okay...end of lecture.
So what about today?
Small moves...stay true to my path. Do what feels right with the body and call the repo man.
I love you....
all the way from here..
L.
The judge ruled on my behalf. However I did state in that letter that I would be out by the 7th of February because that was the day I thought I was flying out....now the landlord has to refile a petition to the courts to have me evicted. However, I listed all the the rent until the end of the lease which is April 1st...so it looks like I can stay where I am for a little while longer.
This is good news. I'm having the car repossessed today or tomorrow so I don't have to pay for the insurance and I'm buying a bike. I bought one yesterday but you don't really know if it works for you until you ride it and this one is a bit too small for me, so back it goes.
Anyway...I gotta figure out all the trirail stuff to see Dr. Paul but other than that...things are moving smoothly.
I've started painting again. Watercolors and I am painting on that old leather jacket I bought in Vancouver BC back in the late 80's. It's a man's bomber jacket, way too big for me now...and I have a couple of different visions of what I'd like to paint on it...the pyramid but the shape of the jacket isn't really primed for that...I might just start painting all my dancing people again.
Do you remember that series of paintings I did Anne? The dancing people? I have pages and pages of these and think I might work on having an art show...I mean. What the hell? Why not me? I know I am not a skilled painter but it feels good to do the act and to have the paint on my hands and clothes.
Oh, I found at Pearl Art Supply these tiny canvases and I'm thinking about painting something really small. I thought of you and all your tiny art.
I'm so glad you're feeling stronger and your voice is getting so much fuller. Mom was talking about that show that George Norey had on Coast to Coast last week about the heart and all the talk about the valve replacement surgery. She's also been talking to people who have had the procedure done. Mom said that in Seattle there are experimental studies happening with the heart valve and stem cell research.
I'd like to remind you about my burn that happened to me when I was 18 years old. Remember how I had hot grease pour down the front of my body covering my leg? Remember how terrible that burn was and the charred skin that was on my leg? I had to wait over 18 hours for medical treatment because Mom was too freaked out to take me to a hospital and the hotel I was working at didn't have Worker's Comp laws like we have now.
So when I was at the Hershey Medical Center and they had to pull that charred skin off of the top of my right leg from above the knee to nearly the top of my thigh, it was very painful. VERY PAINFUL!!! Remember, I had no drugs because they had to find if there was any nerve damage?
Well, after I signed a release to be a part of medical experiment using the placenta as a natural covering for my leg, I've healed beautifully. You can't even tell that I've had the burn.
My Point?
Check it out. I know you have made your choice with the plastic valve and that is great. I support you in all your decisions, but I am kinda in the middle here with Mom and You and I'd like to be able to share information without being attached to either one of your choices.
So...maybe if you are feeling a little stronger you can ask about the stem sell research at Swedish Hospital. Mom says that you know what to do since you listen to the show too.
Okay...end of lecture.
So what about today?
Small moves...stay true to my path. Do what feels right with the body and call the repo man.
I love you....
all the way from here..
L.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
South Florida Vacation Club
It's Sunday morning and my neighborhood Starbucks doesn't open until 7 AM. Sometimes I go to the one in Ft. Lauderdale on Broward and US 1 because they open at 5:30 on Saturdays and Sundays. They've got great team members there too...I mean I go there sometimes on Saturdays and Sundays or not on the weekends or sometimes just one day and not the other and they always remember me. They always remember what drink I like and they will deliver my drink or snack to my table. Also there's this one guy who works there that is like Johnny Sunshine and he'll come by and make sure my coffee is hot and get me a refill. Seriously great service. Howard should pay attention to that location too.
Anyway, I was up at dark:30 this morning and realized it had been a while since I'd watched the sunrise so I ventured to the beach instead of out for coffee...plus Starbucks didn't open until 7 and the sunrise would happen before that and all. So away I go to the beach.
I love watching the tourists watch the sunrise. There are many locals like me who meet at the Atlantic Blvd beach to watch the miracle of another day being born. It's so funny to watch all the people taking pictures of the beauty and magnificence that happens each morning....even the cold, gray, rainy ones.
Today there was a group of 5 white haired ladies probably in their 50's and 60's...all great friends vacationing together. They walked to the beach benches holding their coffee cups and were dressed in various styles of tee shirts, capri pants, and shorts all the same colors of white and sunshine yellow. Several of them took photos while the sunrise colors fanned the skies.
Pompano Beach is a very clean beach. Each morning around 6:30 AM two tractors comb the beaches picking up debris and smoothing out the sand for another glorious day at the beach. This morning as the tractors started their rounds the group of 5 ladies watched intensely. It wasn't windy this morning so there was no threat of sand in the eyes as the tractor passed by the benches facing the shore. There are always two tractors, one blue and one red, that share the workload of cleaning the beach. Their routine is regular and systematic....very zen actually. I like watching the bumpy dirty beach become a smooth clean place to walk.
The ladies watched the tractors too this morning. I sat several benches away from them where the locals gather to watch the daily rituals. The tourists typically stay on the other side of the benches. This morning there was a person sleeping in a sleeping bag near the lifeguard station just south of the benches. The tractors went their way and the ladies jumped up to watch if the tractor would run over the sleeping being.
The locals and I started laughing out loud. So much fun! Watching the tourists...picture taking trying to capture a moment...photography. Not my medium. But I can understand the attraction...
The ladies watched the tractor miss the body and relieved, they returned to the benches to finish watching the sun rise. I started talking to a local guy who I've seen a lot at Starbucks and at the beach...he rides his bike and is really fit. He's one of these guys who smokes and bikes. God, how I wish I could be a casual smoker....but. That's not my path....sad really. My addiction.
Anyway...the ladies are taking pictures of themselves and one came towards me, the only woman local watching the sunrise this morning, to see if I'd take a picture of them. Of course! I was happy to do it!!!
We jabber-jawed and they were delightful. Two of them live here 3 months out of the year and the other 3 were visiting for 7 days. They were having a blast together as good friends do when they're together at the beach or in a cabin or on a cruise or at someone's house....it really doesn't matter where you are when you are with your friends. God...such a great feeling. That sharing and communing with people you love.
The 5 ladies had 4 cameras and my dream to test out digital cameras came true! Each lady had a different digital camera and I tested each one out seeing how they worked and it was a great lesson. The Nikon (I think) had the best color of capturing the sunrise and the ladies. They were having so much fun and I asked them all sorts of questions. One lady made a sign that said "POMPANO BEACH DAY FOUR".
I asked how many more days were left and they said 3. Soon three of them would be headed back to North Carolina, Missouri and Kansas. I asked them if I could write about them and they said yes...so here it is. I asked them if they had a name for their little club and they called themselves The South Florida Vacation Club.
Dottie from Missouri became the natural spokesman for the group.
I told the ladies that I thought that a lot of people belonged to their club. Dottie started shaking her head fiercely. She said, "Oh no...this is our club only!"
I said, 'You know, it's not a very good name. No offense."
She said, "Yes, but it is our name."
I said, "What if others want to join your group? How do you handle that?"
Dottie said, "Oh no...no new members."
I said, "What if it is by invitation only." The ladies looked at each and started nodding as if a silent language had been spoken when they looked into each other eyes.
"Okay." Said Dottie. "By invitation only."
I smiled and felt I had to be honest with the group. I said, "You know, the locals and I over there were laughing at you a few minutes ago when the tractor went by."
They chuckled and Dottie said, "Well, we wanted to see if they'd run over the body."
I said, "Yeah, everyday we hope they run over one, but every day they miss!"
They laughed.
Dearest God...especially the God who listens to white haired ladies at the beach,
Please protect and watch over the kind older ladies of the South Florida Vacation Club. Dearest kind god, please let them remember the blessing they have for creating a clan of women they can relate too and visit with. Community is so important and as we live these lives that lack creative energy, the memory of beauty and truth can become muddled in everyday living. Let them remember that the feeling of being in community when times are hard. May their lives be full of inspiration as the challenges of life arise...new babies, sick husbands, lost loved ones, cancer, and all other physical challenges that happen in this world.
Oh sweet merciful goddess, thank you for the kind man this morning too and his comments on my figure. It was much needed and maybe I'll take his suggestion and visit the nudist beach in Miami....but maybe not today. Too much to do, but something to consider.
Ashey. Namasta.
Anyway, I was up at dark:30 this morning and realized it had been a while since I'd watched the sunrise so I ventured to the beach instead of out for coffee...plus Starbucks didn't open until 7 and the sunrise would happen before that and all. So away I go to the beach.
I love watching the tourists watch the sunrise. There are many locals like me who meet at the Atlantic Blvd beach to watch the miracle of another day being born. It's so funny to watch all the people taking pictures of the beauty and magnificence that happens each morning....even the cold, gray, rainy ones.
Today there was a group of 5 white haired ladies probably in their 50's and 60's...all great friends vacationing together. They walked to the beach benches holding their coffee cups and were dressed in various styles of tee shirts, capri pants, and shorts all the same colors of white and sunshine yellow. Several of them took photos while the sunrise colors fanned the skies.
Pompano Beach is a very clean beach. Each morning around 6:30 AM two tractors comb the beaches picking up debris and smoothing out the sand for another glorious day at the beach. This morning as the tractors started their rounds the group of 5 ladies watched intensely. It wasn't windy this morning so there was no threat of sand in the eyes as the tractor passed by the benches facing the shore. There are always two tractors, one blue and one red, that share the workload of cleaning the beach. Their routine is regular and systematic....very zen actually. I like watching the bumpy dirty beach become a smooth clean place to walk.
The ladies watched the tractors too this morning. I sat several benches away from them where the locals gather to watch the daily rituals. The tourists typically stay on the other side of the benches. This morning there was a person sleeping in a sleeping bag near the lifeguard station just south of the benches. The tractors went their way and the ladies jumped up to watch if the tractor would run over the sleeping being.
The locals and I started laughing out loud. So much fun! Watching the tourists...picture taking trying to capture a moment...photography. Not my medium. But I can understand the attraction...
The ladies watched the tractor miss the body and relieved, they returned to the benches to finish watching the sun rise. I started talking to a local guy who I've seen a lot at Starbucks and at the beach...he rides his bike and is really fit. He's one of these guys who smokes and bikes. God, how I wish I could be a casual smoker....but. That's not my path....sad really. My addiction.
Anyway...the ladies are taking pictures of themselves and one came towards me, the only woman local watching the sunrise this morning, to see if I'd take a picture of them. Of course! I was happy to do it!!!
We jabber-jawed and they were delightful. Two of them live here 3 months out of the year and the other 3 were visiting for 7 days. They were having a blast together as good friends do when they're together at the beach or in a cabin or on a cruise or at someone's house....it really doesn't matter where you are when you are with your friends. God...such a great feeling. That sharing and communing with people you love.
The 5 ladies had 4 cameras and my dream to test out digital cameras came true! Each lady had a different digital camera and I tested each one out seeing how they worked and it was a great lesson. The Nikon (I think) had the best color of capturing the sunrise and the ladies. They were having so much fun and I asked them all sorts of questions. One lady made a sign that said "POMPANO BEACH DAY FOUR".
I asked how many more days were left and they said 3. Soon three of them would be headed back to North Carolina, Missouri and Kansas. I asked them if I could write about them and they said yes...so here it is. I asked them if they had a name for their little club and they called themselves The South Florida Vacation Club.
Dottie from Missouri became the natural spokesman for the group.
I told the ladies that I thought that a lot of people belonged to their club. Dottie started shaking her head fiercely. She said, "Oh no...this is our club only!"
I said, 'You know, it's not a very good name. No offense."
She said, "Yes, but it is our name."
I said, "What if others want to join your group? How do you handle that?"
Dottie said, "Oh no...no new members."
I said, "What if it is by invitation only." The ladies looked at each and started nodding as if a silent language had been spoken when they looked into each other eyes.
"Okay." Said Dottie. "By invitation only."
I smiled and felt I had to be honest with the group. I said, "You know, the locals and I over there were laughing at you a few minutes ago when the tractor went by."
They chuckled and Dottie said, "Well, we wanted to see if they'd run over the body."
I said, "Yeah, everyday we hope they run over one, but every day they miss!"
They laughed.
Dearest God...especially the God who listens to white haired ladies at the beach,
Please protect and watch over the kind older ladies of the South Florida Vacation Club. Dearest kind god, please let them remember the blessing they have for creating a clan of women they can relate too and visit with. Community is so important and as we live these lives that lack creative energy, the memory of beauty and truth can become muddled in everyday living. Let them remember that the feeling of being in community when times are hard. May their lives be full of inspiration as the challenges of life arise...new babies, sick husbands, lost loved ones, cancer, and all other physical challenges that happen in this world.
Oh sweet merciful goddess, thank you for the kind man this morning too and his comments on my figure. It was much needed and maybe I'll take his suggestion and visit the nudist beach in Miami....but maybe not today. Too much to do, but something to consider.
Ashey. Namasta.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Massage Dreams...
I have reentered the world of the living again. I feel as if I've finally gotten enough rest.
God...thank you. And thank you for the warm day and the new swimsuit! When I am cold and not moving my body enough, I feel out of balance. Swimming is something I will miss dearly from this little place in Pompano Beach.
I must say, Pompano Beach Florida is trying to woo me back here. I feel the little community winking at me and asking me to stick around for a long time. Did you know that the Gulf Stream ends or meets here in Pompano Beach. That's why it is usually a degree or two warmer here than in Miami.
Interesting stuff.
I found this new business that's opened called "Massage Envy". They offer massages. What a good business idea...I mean there are massage schools everywhere and people say they need massages but nobody can afford $110/hr. So somebody got on the boat and created a great new business.
I joined as a member so my massages are always $39/hr. And baby...did I luck out with a very fine strapping young man as my massage therapist. Oh, don't worry. I've got him booked up with me until I leave. I tell ya, I've been needed a strong black man's hands rubbing me down with lotion (and I can bring my own oils...I asked!). His name is Jean and I am sure he and I will become great friends before I head back to Seattle.
www.massageenvy.com
Thank you Jean for a beautiful massage today. Your hands worked magic from my aching back to my tender calves. Thank you for your kindness and please....start writing. We'll talk next week!
I decided that I was due for a swimsuit that actually fit my new body. Part of my healing process has been accepting my new body. So part of that is getting measured for a swimsuit. Luckily there is a custom shop here in Pompano....where they specialize in fit for each woman's body. I can't remember the name of it but I will and I'll post it here because let me tell you....they are fucking awesome!
I was really shocked to discover what my measurements are today. I remember so clearly being a size 24-26 and feeling uncomfortable in my skin...the lingering emotions are hanging around my ethereal body and I am allowing them to arise, witness them and let them go.
It's funny though, watching these thoughts, and trying to discuss them. Karen and I have been fighting...or rather, I have been rather angry when we've been talking because she is preaching dogma to me and I am asking her to allow me to sit in my emotions and witness them. Acknowledge them, no matter if the story is real or not...it is simply an emotion.
I agree with Karen that thoughts create emotions but I also acknowledge that our cells retain cellular memory which is triggered through intensive body work. I know that a lot of the flashbacks that I have been experiencing are memories that have been trapped in my body that need to be released. Karen has a harder time understanding it and perhaps I should not be sharing this process with her.
I don't have the answers. I do have how I feel in my body and today I feel very good.
I feel as if I have returned to my little routine until it is time for me to go to Seattle and I have no idea how my future will unfold after that...
But you can bet your aunt fanny that I am going to get a book published before 2009.
Just deciding on the right titles and content...
So much love for you,
All the way from over here...
L.
God...thank you. And thank you for the warm day and the new swimsuit! When I am cold and not moving my body enough, I feel out of balance. Swimming is something I will miss dearly from this little place in Pompano Beach.
I must say, Pompano Beach Florida is trying to woo me back here. I feel the little community winking at me and asking me to stick around for a long time. Did you know that the Gulf Stream ends or meets here in Pompano Beach. That's why it is usually a degree or two warmer here than in Miami.
Interesting stuff.
I found this new business that's opened called "Massage Envy". They offer massages. What a good business idea...I mean there are massage schools everywhere and people say they need massages but nobody can afford $110/hr. So somebody got on the boat and created a great new business.
I joined as a member so my massages are always $39/hr. And baby...did I luck out with a very fine strapping young man as my massage therapist. Oh, don't worry. I've got him booked up with me until I leave. I tell ya, I've been needed a strong black man's hands rubbing me down with lotion (and I can bring my own oils...I asked!). His name is Jean and I am sure he and I will become great friends before I head back to Seattle.
www.massageenvy.com
Thank you Jean for a beautiful massage today. Your hands worked magic from my aching back to my tender calves. Thank you for your kindness and please....start writing. We'll talk next week!
I decided that I was due for a swimsuit that actually fit my new body. Part of my healing process has been accepting my new body. So part of that is getting measured for a swimsuit. Luckily there is a custom shop here in Pompano....where they specialize in fit for each woman's body. I can't remember the name of it but I will and I'll post it here because let me tell you....they are fucking awesome!
I was really shocked to discover what my measurements are today. I remember so clearly being a size 24-26 and feeling uncomfortable in my skin...the lingering emotions are hanging around my ethereal body and I am allowing them to arise, witness them and let them go.
It's funny though, watching these thoughts, and trying to discuss them. Karen and I have been fighting...or rather, I have been rather angry when we've been talking because she is preaching dogma to me and I am asking her to allow me to sit in my emotions and witness them. Acknowledge them, no matter if the story is real or not...it is simply an emotion.
I agree with Karen that thoughts create emotions but I also acknowledge that our cells retain cellular memory which is triggered through intensive body work. I know that a lot of the flashbacks that I have been experiencing are memories that have been trapped in my body that need to be released. Karen has a harder time understanding it and perhaps I should not be sharing this process with her.
I don't have the answers. I do have how I feel in my body and today I feel very good.
I feel as if I have returned to my little routine until it is time for me to go to Seattle and I have no idea how my future will unfold after that...
But you can bet your aunt fanny that I am going to get a book published before 2009.
Just deciding on the right titles and content...
So much love for you,
All the way from over here...
L.
Valve Job Coming Soon
http://ansapo.blogspot.com/
At least now we know...you'll be going under the knife very soon.
Thanks for the update Anne. I'm glad the surgeon gave you a choice between valves, pig vs. plastic. Normally I'd be all for the PIG because you know how I love all pork products, but given the lifespan of the animal valve, the plastic one is a good choice.
I don't know if the doctor discussed the drug therapy you will have to be on following the surgery and for as long as you have the valve. It is a blood thinner so you do not get any clots around the valve part. This drug has a lot of dietary restrictions such as Vitamin K and A (I think.) I think it is a similar drug that Lisa was on following her seizures.
Anyway, be sure to ask the doctor about that so we can know. I plan on us doing a bit of juicing while I'm with you so I don't want to be giving you something you can't have...like kale.
I hope this link works for your blog. Keep posting. I'm reading it.
Call anytime.
Love,
Linda
At least now we know...you'll be going under the knife very soon.
Thanks for the update Anne. I'm glad the surgeon gave you a choice between valves, pig vs. plastic. Normally I'd be all for the PIG because you know how I love all pork products, but given the lifespan of the animal valve, the plastic one is a good choice.
I don't know if the doctor discussed the drug therapy you will have to be on following the surgery and for as long as you have the valve. It is a blood thinner so you do not get any clots around the valve part. This drug has a lot of dietary restrictions such as Vitamin K and A (I think.) I think it is a similar drug that Lisa was on following her seizures.
Anyway, be sure to ask the doctor about that so we can know. I plan on us doing a bit of juicing while I'm with you so I don't want to be giving you something you can't have...like kale.
I hope this link works for your blog. Keep posting. I'm reading it.
Call anytime.
Love,
Linda
Dating Quiz
While packing my belongings, I uncovered a box of my old journals and writings. In one of the moleskin note pads was this quiz I wrote when I was thinking about dating again, after the whole Jay thing....
You remember Jay don't you? He was the first guy I dated who was my own age. That happened when I was living in Delray Beach and he had just left his wife and was raising his 3 kids in NJ, working in the city. I now live just a couple miles from his parent's house in Pompano Beach.
He would have made a good husband and I really seriously fantasized about marrying him and he thought about it too. But he realized that my lifestyle and who I am would not fit into the mainstream world he lived in with his kids....which is really a pity. Especially once he brought his kid here to meet me last March. We got along so well...
But it wasn't time.
It makes me think that I'm really not the kind of woman men want to marry, which is fine except that I would like to be in partnership with someone. Lisa and I had a really great talk yesterday about my many creative projects and their failures. I don't consider any of the projects failures and I mean all the projects from the book, "Hungry for the Stars" to Lifestyle Center that I worked on...
My goal has always been the same...work in partnership with another to create something. That's why I studied jazz...I wanted to play with others. I only got irritated when all the guys wanted to discuss theory and what they heard rather than working on creating sound. But I realize that discussion is part of the creative process...I just don't communicate best that way.
I've been thinking about my future and what I'd like to create and being in partnership is still a part of what I would like to include and I mean romantic partnership. I think it is in my best interests and it is something that I want...and I am open to the possibility of falling in love.
But...the guy who will be able to capture my heart should be able to answer some of the following questions. Here's a quiz I wrote a while ago. I wrote the questions based on some of my mistakes.
You remember Jay don't you? He was the first guy I dated who was my own age. That happened when I was living in Delray Beach and he had just left his wife and was raising his 3 kids in NJ, working in the city. I now live just a couple miles from his parent's house in Pompano Beach.
He would have made a good husband and I really seriously fantasized about marrying him and he thought about it too. But he realized that my lifestyle and who I am would not fit into the mainstream world he lived in with his kids....which is really a pity. Especially once he brought his kid here to meet me last March. We got along so well...
But it wasn't time.
It makes me think that I'm really not the kind of woman men want to marry, which is fine except that I would like to be in partnership with someone. Lisa and I had a really great talk yesterday about my many creative projects and their failures. I don't consider any of the projects failures and I mean all the projects from the book, "Hungry for the Stars" to Lifestyle Center that I worked on...
My goal has always been the same...work in partnership with another to create something. That's why I studied jazz...I wanted to play with others. I only got irritated when all the guys wanted to discuss theory and what they heard rather than working on creating sound. But I realize that discussion is part of the creative process...I just don't communicate best that way.
I've been thinking about my future and what I'd like to create and being in partnership is still a part of what I would like to include and I mean romantic partnership. I think it is in my best interests and it is something that I want...and I am open to the possibility of falling in love.
But...the guy who will be able to capture my heart should be able to answer some of the following questions. Here's a quiz I wrote a while ago. I wrote the questions based on some of my mistakes.
THINGS TO ASK ON MY NEXT DATE
That's all the questions I have so far. Do you have any you want to add? I know...are you married? Do you have a girlfriend? I remember that stuff now too I don't think I have to write that one down anymore.
- What is your last name?
- What is the difference between velocity and acceleration? Please explain the difference between density and volume. Explain dark matter in 1 minute or less.
- Are you employed?
- Have you ever been involved with a reality based TV show?
- Are you in need of citizenship?
That's all the questions I have so far. Do you have any you want to add? I know...are you married? Do you have a girlfriend? I remember that stuff now too I don't think I have to write that one down anymore.
Friday, February 15, 2008
Big Eddie and Valentine's Day
I gotta say it:
Big Eddie has a tender heart. He's a romantic guy. I can see it and I gotta say, I am always surprised when men are more romantic than women. They conceal their loving ways so often, or so it appears to me.
But I'm wrong a lot about men. That is a fact we can all bank on. Perhaps these menfolk are deeply sensitive and feel love and romance at a cellular level that I will never know...it is possible. Because how can we measure romance or feelings in the body? A man can not know the pain in childbirth unless having to go through it. Perhaps emotions are felt differently between the genders.
Who knows?
Here's what I do know and that is Big Eddie and the Men were all a buzz about Valentine's day yesterday. It was so sweet to witness. They discussed what they were getting for their gals and the thought they put into their gifts....or didn't put into their gifts.
Big Ed got his bride the whole shebang: love notes, chocolate, jewelery, roses delivered at work, dinner and ????? later. Sounds perfect and by the looks of her this morning, she appreciated it. I also suspect that Big Eddie does this a lot during the year, not just on some Hallmark holiday.
All the men gave good gifts for their women. For instance Gino gave his gal a new tattoo. Today his girl is looking at a new tattoo that is an ointment covered Mexican Candy Skull. As her scab starts to form she will remember all the love that Gino has for her everyday until she dies... or until she decides that she no longer likes tattoos and/or Gino and has it removed by lasers.
You know they really can do some great stuff with lasers these days. Check out Roseanne! She had all sorts of "Tom" tattoos and I think she even had her diner's name tattooed on her and Poof! It's all gone!
Good gift Gino! Kudos!
Big Ed counseled some of his men on Valentine's day morning to check-in to see what they bought their gals. One guy said he got his girlfriend a six pack. Big Ed said, "You should have made it a 12 pack!"
He's a funny guy...I gotta say. I don't know how I was lucky enough to find this little Starbucks. Valentine's day is not a big day for me and my refill of decaf coffee was gift enough yesterday. Thank you god!
Dearest God,
Thank you for Big Eddie and the Men and my little Starbucks and my soon to be repossessed Black Saab. It's been a good spot to heal all this crap that has happened to me and I am very grateful for all my time here. May my exit from Pompano Beach be joyful filled with warm waters and swimming...and good friends. And seriously God...get off your lazy ass and warm it up here. I gotta go to Seattle soon and I need to feel warm from the inside out before I get there. You know how damp it is and you know I can't really keep drinking all this coffee because my stomach can't take it and I will switch to tea.... So God...will it help if I capitalize your name? I didn't think so. Please call those guys at NOAA and order us up some warmer days so I can go swimming...and fix the hot tub too while you're at it.
And thank you god for all the kindness everywhere. I see and feel it daily. Thank you for keeping the faith in Mankind...it is hard to remember that there is kindness here some days.
Amen. Ashey. Namastay.
Big Eddie has a tender heart. He's a romantic guy. I can see it and I gotta say, I am always surprised when men are more romantic than women. They conceal their loving ways so often, or so it appears to me.
But I'm wrong a lot about men. That is a fact we can all bank on. Perhaps these menfolk are deeply sensitive and feel love and romance at a cellular level that I will never know...it is possible. Because how can we measure romance or feelings in the body? A man can not know the pain in childbirth unless having to go through it. Perhaps emotions are felt differently between the genders.
Who knows?
Here's what I do know and that is Big Eddie and the Men were all a buzz about Valentine's day yesterday. It was so sweet to witness. They discussed what they were getting for their gals and the thought they put into their gifts....or didn't put into their gifts.
Big Ed got his bride the whole shebang: love notes, chocolate, jewelery, roses delivered at work, dinner and ????? later. Sounds perfect and by the looks of her this morning, she appreciated it. I also suspect that Big Eddie does this a lot during the year, not just on some Hallmark holiday.
All the men gave good gifts for their women. For instance Gino gave his gal a new tattoo. Today his girl is looking at a new tattoo that is an ointment covered Mexican Candy Skull. As her scab starts to form she will remember all the love that Gino has for her everyday until she dies... or until she decides that she no longer likes tattoos and/or Gino and has it removed by lasers.
You know they really can do some great stuff with lasers these days. Check out Roseanne! She had all sorts of "Tom" tattoos and I think she even had her diner's name tattooed on her and Poof! It's all gone!
Good gift Gino! Kudos!
Big Ed counseled some of his men on Valentine's day morning to check-in to see what they bought their gals. One guy said he got his girlfriend a six pack. Big Ed said, "You should have made it a 12 pack!"
He's a funny guy...I gotta say. I don't know how I was lucky enough to find this little Starbucks. Valentine's day is not a big day for me and my refill of decaf coffee was gift enough yesterday. Thank you god!
Dearest God,
Thank you for Big Eddie and the Men and my little Starbucks and my soon to be repossessed Black Saab. It's been a good spot to heal all this crap that has happened to me and I am very grateful for all my time here. May my exit from Pompano Beach be joyful filled with warm waters and swimming...and good friends. And seriously God...get off your lazy ass and warm it up here. I gotta go to Seattle soon and I need to feel warm from the inside out before I get there. You know how damp it is and you know I can't really keep drinking all this coffee because my stomach can't take it and I will switch to tea.... So God...will it help if I capitalize your name? I didn't think so. Please call those guys at NOAA and order us up some warmer days so I can go swimming...and fix the hot tub too while you're at it.
And thank you god for all the kindness everywhere. I see and feel it daily. Thank you for keeping the faith in Mankind...it is hard to remember that there is kindness here some days.
Amen. Ashey. Namastay.
Got Your Message...
Some news is better than no news. And at least we know that you will have the invasive procedure and that will give us a better idea on how long it will take for recovery etc...
So while this all sounds kinda like bad news, I think it is good to have the truth. And if you can't get into surgery before mid-march, then so be it. What's important is that you rest and get well enough for them to perform the surgery.
You know, your job at Pagliacci has pretty progressive benefits. I mean, if they really have a social worker on staff to help you fill out all the paperwork so you can qualify for Medicare, that's pretty fucking awesome!
I mean, I'm having such a hard time keeping all my documents in order and keep them filed on-time and in the right place! Yikes! It is really overwhelming...the paperwork. It is a bitch. i just got a bill from some doctor that I have no memory treating me because they sedated me and I was passed out so I have to pay this $250 for what? I don't even know!
Be glad that you have help with the paperwork and please use them as a resource. You also qualify for the Family Medical Emergency Leave Act (FMLA) and you can should discuss that with work too. You may want to do this now because you're not well enough for surgery and you probably are slow to heal due to your bad valve...just maybe think about that perspective while you are deciding what to do.
I wanted your opinion on what I should do about my little incarceration in the mental institution and me telling mom. I'm afraid if I tell her the truth that she's gonna flip out, but that is how I felt with the bankruptcy too and she surprised me there....so maybe I will tell her.
I won't decide yet.
I see the handsome Dr. Paul today and I am in need of his touch. My body is very sore from moving my stuff into storage and moving so much chi lately. I'm in need of much restorative yoga and rest.
Hey, I've got another package ready to send you. Should I mail it to your house of Lisa's? Do you still have pictures of all my mixed race babies? Did I send you baby Krishna too? So damned cute! You should the painting that Anne Rainbow Shepard painted of baby Krishna... so cute!!! I've packed the painting of Krishna you did and he's coming with me to Seattle... and I can't wait to show you this book I've been working on, but it is very hodgepoged right now. Mixed medium really.
I'm also thinking about finding a loft in Miami so I can do my art work and write and still see Dr. Paul. He did offer me a job there, but I don't think I could do more than volunteering there right now. I can also volunteer at Glacier Farms on Saturdays which is something I've always wanted to do. It'd be nice to work in their kitchen for a day or two....for a couple hours. Not too long. My feet are tired.
Anyway...I'm rambling.
What are the facts?
I love you.
I'll see you in a few weeks and keep your eyes on the mail. I've got a package coming to you.
So much love...
All the way from over here...
Linda
So while this all sounds kinda like bad news, I think it is good to have the truth. And if you can't get into surgery before mid-march, then so be it. What's important is that you rest and get well enough for them to perform the surgery.
You know, your job at Pagliacci has pretty progressive benefits. I mean, if they really have a social worker on staff to help you fill out all the paperwork so you can qualify for Medicare, that's pretty fucking awesome!
I mean, I'm having such a hard time keeping all my documents in order and keep them filed on-time and in the right place! Yikes! It is really overwhelming...the paperwork. It is a bitch. i just got a bill from some doctor that I have no memory treating me because they sedated me and I was passed out so I have to pay this $250 for what? I don't even know!
Be glad that you have help with the paperwork and please use them as a resource. You also qualify for the Family Medical Emergency Leave Act (FMLA) and you can should discuss that with work too. You may want to do this now because you're not well enough for surgery and you probably are slow to heal due to your bad valve...just maybe think about that perspective while you are deciding what to do.
I wanted your opinion on what I should do about my little incarceration in the mental institution and me telling mom. I'm afraid if I tell her the truth that she's gonna flip out, but that is how I felt with the bankruptcy too and she surprised me there....so maybe I will tell her.
I won't decide yet.
I see the handsome Dr. Paul today and I am in need of his touch. My body is very sore from moving my stuff into storage and moving so much chi lately. I'm in need of much restorative yoga and rest.
Hey, I've got another package ready to send you. Should I mail it to your house of Lisa's? Do you still have pictures of all my mixed race babies? Did I send you baby Krishna too? So damned cute! You should the painting that Anne Rainbow Shepard painted of baby Krishna... so cute!!! I've packed the painting of Krishna you did and he's coming with me to Seattle... and I can't wait to show you this book I've been working on, but it is very hodgepoged right now. Mixed medium really.
I'm also thinking about finding a loft in Miami so I can do my art work and write and still see Dr. Paul. He did offer me a job there, but I don't think I could do more than volunteering there right now. I can also volunteer at Glacier Farms on Saturdays which is something I've always wanted to do. It'd be nice to work in their kitchen for a day or two....for a couple hours. Not too long. My feet are tired.
Anyway...I'm rambling.
What are the facts?
I love you.
I'll see you in a few weeks and keep your eyes on the mail. I've got a package coming to you.
So much love...
All the way from over here...
Linda
Love Letter to Howard Shultz
Dearest Handsome Howard,
I sure you hope you are a forgiving man, because boy oh boy, is this letter late! Please forgive a gal for getting distracted with life's little this and that. Life can be so realistic at times that I can get wrapped up into my own story and forget the big picture. In my big picture, coffee is a key factor so somehow I lost my way.
Howard, will you please forgive me?
Yes?
No?
I will take your silence as accepting of my apology and will move on. Thank you.
I don't know if you remember me, but we used to work together, back in the day....back when we knew the difference between a restritto and short shot. You sometimes came into the University Village location and would surprise us with a smile! That was always a good day! And during the holidays you and your E-team showed up and scooped beans with us and we built gift-packs.
Remember those days?
In those days I could taste the difference between shots that were pulled at 18 seconds and 27 seconds. That's how we came up with the timing for the length of shots...
Good times. Great coffee!
So Howard, I've been hanging out in your little establishments here in South Florida for a couple of months now and let me tell you people are talking about you! There is a "buzz" about you in my little Pompano Beach location. This sandwich thing is really stirring the pot! Good work! Keep it up!
Firstly, let me appreciate Keri for doing such an outstanding job at my neighborhood location. She is a strong young leader who is driven and dedicated. I hope she finds yoga soon so she doesn't burn out like so many women do in the workplace. Please take a moment to recognize her for contribution and vision. You may want to give her a week's vacation in a spa as a token of your appreciation and a large cash bonus. Or you may just want to public recognize her...ask her how she likes to be recognized. Everyone is different.
Me?
I like cash.
Lots of it!
In plain envelopes!
But that is just me.
The associates here in Pompano Beach have been working very hard with a short staff. This is a common theme in all retail environments. Walk into any Target, Old Navy or any retailer and they will tell you they are hiring. Why? Because of the low paying environment but the lure of benefits keep people willing to work in an unkind environment.
Howard, please stop the cycle of penalizing your associates for being ill and unable to cover their own shifts. We all know they work tirelessly. Please take a moment to recognize them because without them working the registers and pulling the shots, none of this would be happening.
Here's some of what I'm hearing....
Starbucks has lost its vision
Associates are unhappy
Team Members need a new vision
So here's an idea Howard: Why not close your tiny stores, like that one in Ft. Lauderdale that is close to the Whole Foods, and focus on larger stores like the one in Pompano Beach and on Broward Blvd in FTL to develop the community relationships that Starbucks used to have with small businesses and retailers.
Let's return to the community and build space within the shops where people can visit or start conversations easily with others, if that is what they desire. If there was more square footage dedicated to the community, well....imagine what would happen.
What if you built a starbucks with a community room where AA could hold non-smoking meetings? Because think about it Howard, who really drinks your beverage? All those people who are trying to not eat ice cream sandwiches and drink Jagermeister for breakfast...that's who!
I have an offer for you Howard....why don't you and I meet for coffee and discuss some vision for your little company. I've got a pulse on the coconut line and what your customers are saying too. You may like to hear what the word on the street is....
In closing, I hope you are well and that your family are fine. I remember how all the ladies had (and probably still do) crushes on you...you're such a fine looking man. I always believed that a man could be good looking and business smart too...it's just hard to find them.
Be well. Feel free to write back, or you can email me at my link.
Lots of love,
Linda
I sure you hope you are a forgiving man, because boy oh boy, is this letter late! Please forgive a gal for getting distracted with life's little this and that. Life can be so realistic at times that I can get wrapped up into my own story and forget the big picture. In my big picture, coffee is a key factor so somehow I lost my way.
Howard, will you please forgive me?
Yes?
No?
I will take your silence as accepting of my apology and will move on. Thank you.
I don't know if you remember me, but we used to work together, back in the day....back when we knew the difference between a restritto and short shot. You sometimes came into the University Village location and would surprise us with a smile! That was always a good day! And during the holidays you and your E-team showed up and scooped beans with us and we built gift-packs.
Remember those days?
In those days I could taste the difference between shots that were pulled at 18 seconds and 27 seconds. That's how we came up with the timing for the length of shots...
Good times. Great coffee!
So Howard, I've been hanging out in your little establishments here in South Florida for a couple of months now and let me tell you people are talking about you! There is a "buzz" about you in my little Pompano Beach location. This sandwich thing is really stirring the pot! Good work! Keep it up!
Firstly, let me appreciate Keri for doing such an outstanding job at my neighborhood location. She is a strong young leader who is driven and dedicated. I hope she finds yoga soon so she doesn't burn out like so many women do in the workplace. Please take a moment to recognize her for contribution and vision. You may want to give her a week's vacation in a spa as a token of your appreciation and a large cash bonus. Or you may just want to public recognize her...ask her how she likes to be recognized. Everyone is different.
Me?
I like cash.
Lots of it!
In plain envelopes!
But that is just me.
The associates here in Pompano Beach have been working very hard with a short staff. This is a common theme in all retail environments. Walk into any Target, Old Navy or any retailer and they will tell you they are hiring. Why? Because of the low paying environment but the lure of benefits keep people willing to work in an unkind environment.
Howard, please stop the cycle of penalizing your associates for being ill and unable to cover their own shifts. We all know they work tirelessly. Please take a moment to recognize them because without them working the registers and pulling the shots, none of this would be happening.
Here's some of what I'm hearing....
Starbucks has lost its vision
Associates are unhappy
Team Members need a new vision
So here's an idea Howard: Why not close your tiny stores, like that one in Ft. Lauderdale that is close to the Whole Foods, and focus on larger stores like the one in Pompano Beach and on Broward Blvd in FTL to develop the community relationships that Starbucks used to have with small businesses and retailers.
Let's return to the community and build space within the shops where people can visit or start conversations easily with others, if that is what they desire. If there was more square footage dedicated to the community, well....imagine what would happen.
What if you built a starbucks with a community room where AA could hold non-smoking meetings? Because think about it Howard, who really drinks your beverage? All those people who are trying to not eat ice cream sandwiches and drink Jagermeister for breakfast...that's who!
I have an offer for you Howard....why don't you and I meet for coffee and discuss some vision for your little company. I've got a pulse on the coconut line and what your customers are saying too. You may like to hear what the word on the street is....
In closing, I hope you are well and that your family are fine. I remember how all the ladies had (and probably still do) crushes on you...you're such a fine looking man. I always believed that a man could be good looking and business smart too...it's just hard to find them.
Be well. Feel free to write back, or you can email me at my link.
Lots of love,
Linda
Thursday, February 14, 2008
A Tribute To Women
While I was packing yesterday, I found this letter from Mom. Mom's letters are not wordy. They are usually something that has been cut out from someplace else with her name stuck on it and then shoved in an envelope. My mother clips articles and magazine quizzes for me to take and then never sends them, so when I was at her house recently, I was able to get a bunch of stuff she's been keeping for me.
One letter she did send though and enclosed was this printout with no known author. I do not declare that I wrote or compiled this list or Tribute to Women however I have added a few inspirational moments of my own or of women who have inspired me to keep steadfast during this crazy time.
So, I know I never say it...it's because I am pig-headed and stubborn, I know... Mom, I'm sorry. You were right. Somehow we have a crazy way of communicating but I get the message: Stay Strong. And that's what I'm doing.
Thanks for the reminder...
All the way from over here...
XO
Linda
One letter she did send though and enclosed was this printout with no known author. I do not declare that I wrote or compiled this list or Tribute to Women however I have added a few inspirational moments of my own or of women who have inspired me to keep steadfast during this crazy time.
So, I know I never say it...it's because I am pig-headed and stubborn, I know... Mom, I'm sorry. You were right. Somehow we have a crazy way of communicating but I get the message: Stay Strong. And that's what I'm doing.
Thanks for the reminder...
All the way from over here...
XO
Linda
A TRIBUTE TO WOMEN
This list is to be used for moments of inspiration, especially when the "Poor Me" stories start. If at any moment you are beginning to believe that you have hit rock-bottom, remember that the bottom is only in perspective of where the hole ends. If you look upwards, towards the light and the idea of possibilities..well, anything can happen! Don't forget what we have been through. Don't forget where we are going. Don't forget your progress. And if you are in doubt, call your mother! Enjoy.
Kate Wallen Barrett was almost 30 and the mother of 7 when she decided to go to medical school in 1886. Upon completion she opened a home for unwed mothers.
Shirley Chisolm was the first black woman elected to congress in 1968.
Mary CAssatt studied art in Philadelphia and in Eurpoe and had a one woman art show in Paris in 1893.
Marie Curie, the only woman to win the Nobel Prize twice (1903 for Physics and 1911 for Chemistry) and Irene Joliet Curie Nobel Prize winner 1935 for Chemistry; are the only mother-daughter Nobel Prize winneing combination in history.
Harriet Tubman led more than 300 slaves to freedom on the underground Railroad in 1850's.
"Remember, no one can make you feel inferior without out your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt
Hanna Senesh was the only woman in a unit of specially trained Palestinian Jews who parachuted into Eeastern Europe in March of 1944 to rescue Hungarian Jews.
Sadie Orchard was the first woman to drive a stagecoach regularly in the Wild West.
Grandma Moses was 78 when she began to pain in oils.
Elizabeth Mallet founded and edited the first daily newspaper in the world of March 1702 known as the "Daily Courant" in London.
Senator Margaret Chase Smith was the first woman to have her name ut in nomination as a presidential candidate from a major party in 1964.
"I gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which I must stop and look fear in the face...I say to myself, I've lived through this and I can take the next thing that comes along. WE must do the things we think we cannot do." Eleanor Roosevelt (and boy, I've been leaning on that one a lot lately! :-)
Captain Emily Warner was the first female pilot to fly for a major United States passanger airline.
Mary Kingsley explored the interior of Africa completely on her own from 1893-1895 and became an expert in the WEst AFrican way of life.
Beatrix Potter was 47 when her long time dream to be a sheep farmer came true.
"Nothing in life is to be feared. IT is only to be understood." Madame Curie
Scajawea, the pregnant Indian guide who lead Lewis and Clark Expedition across the continent is the most honored woman in American histroy in terms of monuments and memorials. No one remembers her name.
"Failure is impossible." Susan B. Anthony
Kate Wallen Barrett was almost 30 and the mother of 7 when she decided to go to medical school in 1886. Upon completion she opened a home for unwed mothers.
Shirley Chisolm was the first black woman elected to congress in 1968.
Mary CAssatt studied art in Philadelphia and in Eurpoe and had a one woman art show in Paris in 1893.
Marie Curie, the only woman to win the Nobel Prize twice (1903 for Physics and 1911 for Chemistry) and Irene Joliet Curie Nobel Prize winner 1935 for Chemistry; are the only mother-daughter Nobel Prize winneing combination in history.
Harriet Tubman led more than 300 slaves to freedom on the underground Railroad in 1850's.
"Remember, no one can make you feel inferior without out your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt
Hanna Senesh was the only woman in a unit of specially trained Palestinian Jews who parachuted into Eeastern Europe in March of 1944 to rescue Hungarian Jews.
Sadie Orchard was the first woman to drive a stagecoach regularly in the Wild West.
Grandma Moses was 78 when she began to pain in oils.
Elizabeth Mallet founded and edited the first daily newspaper in the world of March 1702 known as the "Daily Courant" in London.
Senator Margaret Chase Smith was the first woman to have her name ut in nomination as a presidential candidate from a major party in 1964.
"I gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which I must stop and look fear in the face...I say to myself, I've lived through this and I can take the next thing that comes along. WE must do the things we think we cannot do." Eleanor Roosevelt (and boy, I've been leaning on that one a lot lately! :-)
Captain Emily Warner was the first female pilot to fly for a major United States passanger airline.
Mary Kingsley explored the interior of Africa completely on her own from 1893-1895 and became an expert in the WEst AFrican way of life.
Beatrix Potter was 47 when her long time dream to be a sheep farmer came true.
"Nothing in life is to be feared. IT is only to be understood." Madame Curie
Scajawea, the pregnant Indian guide who lead Lewis and Clark Expedition across the continent is the most honored woman in American histroy in terms of monuments and memorials. No one remembers her name.
"Failure is impossible." Susan B. Anthony
Haiku Dreams
Leonard celebrated his 45th birthday on February 7th. He had a poetry party, the Bohemians Revival, I think is what he calls his annual poetry review. Len is a physicist who now poses as a technical writer for some software company somewhere in Seattle.
Anne, you were one of his first performers at his Bohemian Revival. I have that picture of him wearing that Marquette sweatshirt watching you either sing or scat or something...the joy and love in his eyes are memories I keep forever.
I haven't heard from him to see if he was able to raise any money for your operation and I meant to call him but I was apprehended and all... Let's hope the climbing community is kind and remembers how many slide shows we've watched and all the boring climbing stories we've listened too over the years. I mean how many times do you really need to go up the mountain? Don't you know they have trails and lifts now to get you to the top?
I love to watch men transform into their art. Take Daniel Talsky for example: brilliant writer/poet/software geek transformed at the Rainbow Gathering by spending a night in the Malibu Stacy Funtime Camper and he embraced his inner feminine side letting go of the barriers he created in his mind so his art, his words; could transform.
Here's a link to Daniel's Website and Blog:
http://www.tinyplace.org/
Dearest God,
Please bless and watch over the adorable Daniel Talsky. Thank you god for bringing him into my life to remember how to bring action into the body. Dearest god you remember how many times Daniel has broken his back, laid near dead in a dumpster and was somehow resurrected back to life. And when his back was broken again, again he rose. And it is because of this continued regeneration of the physical that his spirit can continue to live and create through writing and expression that he is alive today. Thank you for the reminder, the inspirational stories to keep me going when I am feeling weak. OH and God, thanks again for the reminder that I don't really need 2 men and a hand-truck. I realize now what I really needed was just the hand-truck. I got most of the pod loaded and I'm just gonna get rid of the rest of it all. I know, I really love my bed and the marble table but honestly, they are too big and heavy and if I am going to keep them well...there needs to be another solution, but seriously God...we were talking about the adorable Danial Talsky....and how much he loved to wear some of my clothes! God, that was fun. I wonder where Steve Stone is? Thank you god for all of this and that and continue to pray etc...and we'll talk later. Amen. Ashey.
The real question is though, what does all of this have to do with Haiku Dreams?
Well, I remember for Leonard's first event that I couldn't be there because I had another round of bronchitis and the weather was terrible....cold and snowy. Len lived over in that house on 50th street, just near Wallingford and we were living in Fremont, remember? My bedroom was above the drum shop at American Music. That was the apartment where we met the kitty whore, FUZZERS!
I remember that I was very cold and wrote a series of 23 Haiku poems that I now call my"Terrible Japaneses Art Tour" and in this tour I include all my terrible Japanese Sumi paintings....none of which exist and all are beautifully terrible!
I bring this up because I would like to leave you with one of these terrible Haiku's today since it is fucking freezing here in Florida....and please call me as soon as you guys are out of the doctor's appointment and let me know when surgery is...Mom doesn't want me to come out until after you are home and in recovery. I only want to be of the most service to you and Lisa so we can discuss what we all agree is the best arrangement. Also, I think I'd prefer to visit your psychatrist since he would have a history of our family background. Here's the drug they want me to take: Symbyax 6mg/25/mg capsules. It is a combination drug of Olanzapine and Fluoxetine. I've got too much packing to do to look it up so get to work!
I love you...call anytime.
XO
L.
Cold cold cold cold day,
Oh my god it's cold today,
How I wish it'd snow.
Anne, you were one of his first performers at his Bohemian Revival. I have that picture of him wearing that Marquette sweatshirt watching you either sing or scat or something...the joy and love in his eyes are memories I keep forever.
I haven't heard from him to see if he was able to raise any money for your operation and I meant to call him but I was apprehended and all... Let's hope the climbing community is kind and remembers how many slide shows we've watched and all the boring climbing stories we've listened too over the years. I mean how many times do you really need to go up the mountain? Don't you know they have trails and lifts now to get you to the top?
I love to watch men transform into their art. Take Daniel Talsky for example: brilliant writer/poet/software geek transformed at the Rainbow Gathering by spending a night in the Malibu Stacy Funtime Camper and he embraced his inner feminine side letting go of the barriers he created in his mind so his art, his words; could transform.
Here's a link to Daniel's Website and Blog:
http://www.tinyplace.org/
Dearest God,
Please bless and watch over the adorable Daniel Talsky. Thank you god for bringing him into my life to remember how to bring action into the body. Dearest god you remember how many times Daniel has broken his back, laid near dead in a dumpster and was somehow resurrected back to life. And when his back was broken again, again he rose. And it is because of this continued regeneration of the physical that his spirit can continue to live and create through writing and expression that he is alive today. Thank you for the reminder, the inspirational stories to keep me going when I am feeling weak. OH and God, thanks again for the reminder that I don't really need 2 men and a hand-truck. I realize now what I really needed was just the hand-truck. I got most of the pod loaded and I'm just gonna get rid of the rest of it all. I know, I really love my bed and the marble table but honestly, they are too big and heavy and if I am going to keep them well...there needs to be another solution, but seriously God...we were talking about the adorable Danial Talsky....and how much he loved to wear some of my clothes! God, that was fun. I wonder where Steve Stone is? Thank you god for all of this and that and continue to pray etc...and we'll talk later. Amen. Ashey.
The real question is though, what does all of this have to do with Haiku Dreams?
Well, I remember for Leonard's first event that I couldn't be there because I had another round of bronchitis and the weather was terrible....cold and snowy. Len lived over in that house on 50th street, just near Wallingford and we were living in Fremont, remember? My bedroom was above the drum shop at American Music. That was the apartment where we met the kitty whore, FUZZERS!
I remember that I was very cold and wrote a series of 23 Haiku poems that I now call my"Terrible Japaneses Art Tour" and in this tour I include all my terrible Japanese Sumi paintings....none of which exist and all are beautifully terrible!
I bring this up because I would like to leave you with one of these terrible Haiku's today since it is fucking freezing here in Florida....and please call me as soon as you guys are out of the doctor's appointment and let me know when surgery is...Mom doesn't want me to come out until after you are home and in recovery. I only want to be of the most service to you and Lisa so we can discuss what we all agree is the best arrangement. Also, I think I'd prefer to visit your psychatrist since he would have a history of our family background. Here's the drug they want me to take: Symbyax 6mg/25/mg capsules. It is a combination drug of Olanzapine and Fluoxetine. I've got too much packing to do to look it up so get to work!
I love you...call anytime.
XO
L.
Cold cold cold cold day,
Oh my god it's cold today,
How I wish it'd snow.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Seattle Memories...
When I was in Seattle I hung out with this brilliant artist, Jeff Hengist. The crazy connection is that we went to high school together. The amount of talent that was in our public high school in Harrisburg PA is unbelievable. Jeff and his brother Gordon moved to Pennsylvania around the time we relocated from Illinois when I was a kid.
Jeff and I didn't know each other really in high school. We did a play together with my sisters once and he did his thing and I did mine. Somehow we found each other in Seattle 15 years later and began a great friendship. He was successful when we reconnected, that is if you define success with recognition or $$. I'm not sure those are my measures but typically those are the grounds that society accepts.
What I loved most about Jeff was his ability to stay committed to the art no matter what drama was happening in his life...and baby he had a lot of drama. Women especially. Men too, but that was his lesson. Not mine. What I loved was his working space.
Jeff had the most awesome stuido to do his work in and he lived there too. It was huge and many levels so he could work on a variety of art projects.
I loved to walk to his space especially when I took the short-cuts that went through the tent cities underneath the I-5 corridoor. The homeless community is strong even if they are living out of tents and cardboard boxes. It was about 3-4 miles to his place from mine and over some really big hills. It was a great form of walking meditation. I never called before I showed up and there was always a chance that he wouldn't be home. When he was, we hung out, drank coffee and talked about this and that. If he wasn't home I knocked on his door and went and did something else.
I always knew I'd see him at Church.
Jeff created "The Church of Art" and I became a minister with this philosophy in mind. On Wednesday evenings, Jeff held services from 9-9:30 PM in his art studio. Church started the moment you showed up and the services started at 9 PM so you could come anytime on Wednesday and still be welcomed at church.
Musicians and writers and poets and sculptors and dancers and on and on and on would arrive for church. Each brought a contribution either a snack or a beverage and a piece of their art to share. We witnessed each other creations. Seeing what others were creating brought stability to my creative process. It showed me that my process may look crazy to others but to my TRIBE, the ARTISTS, it was right on track. The witnessing of the creative process by others without judgment regardless of the outcome of the project....that is what I am missing.
This sense of belonging and inspiration to continue with my work are moments that I cherish today, in my darkest times while I live through society's worst fears.
NOTE: I need a moment to reaffirm my new year's resolution: Renewed Inspiration and Divine Intervention are my Constant Companions.
Deep breathe...
Slow exhale...
Once again...
Church services were held between 9:00 and 9:30 PM we sat in silence and view one of Jeff's pieces. Sometimes 1/2 hr wasn't enough for me so I would visit often hoping he would be busy just so I could sit in front of his work....look at what he created...breathe it in and maybe understand his process just for one moment...but more than understanding...I could feel his process which feels just like love to me.
Jeff has the only painting of "Christ on a Cross" hanging in a church that does not show Jesus's face. This was quite controversial when the commission was completed and paint hung in the chapel. When I left Seattle it was still hanging in ST. Marks on Capitol Hill.
It is my wish when I'm back in Seattle to return to the chanting masses on Sunday night in Seattle at St. Mark's but if I can't be there, I know it is rebroadcasted on some radio station...KING? I'm not sure....at least that is what I remember about Seattle.
It is my fantasy that I can resurrect the Church of Art in Miami sometime before 2012. I only pick that date because I don't really have any other deadlines right now except to pack my storage units in the rain....so I should probably get going.
XOXOL
Jeff and I didn't know each other really in high school. We did a play together with my sisters once and he did his thing and I did mine. Somehow we found each other in Seattle 15 years later and began a great friendship. He was successful when we reconnected, that is if you define success with recognition or $$. I'm not sure those are my measures but typically those are the grounds that society accepts.
What I loved most about Jeff was his ability to stay committed to the art no matter what drama was happening in his life...and baby he had a lot of drama. Women especially. Men too, but that was his lesson. Not mine. What I loved was his working space.
Jeff had the most awesome stuido to do his work in and he lived there too. It was huge and many levels so he could work on a variety of art projects.
I loved to walk to his space especially when I took the short-cuts that went through the tent cities underneath the I-5 corridoor. The homeless community is strong even if they are living out of tents and cardboard boxes. It was about 3-4 miles to his place from mine and over some really big hills. It was a great form of walking meditation. I never called before I showed up and there was always a chance that he wouldn't be home. When he was, we hung out, drank coffee and talked about this and that. If he wasn't home I knocked on his door and went and did something else.
I always knew I'd see him at Church.
Jeff created "The Church of Art" and I became a minister with this philosophy in mind. On Wednesday evenings, Jeff held services from 9-9:30 PM in his art studio. Church started the moment you showed up and the services started at 9 PM so you could come anytime on Wednesday and still be welcomed at church.
Musicians and writers and poets and sculptors and dancers and on and on and on would arrive for church. Each brought a contribution either a snack or a beverage and a piece of their art to share. We witnessed each other creations. Seeing what others were creating brought stability to my creative process. It showed me that my process may look crazy to others but to my TRIBE, the ARTISTS, it was right on track. The witnessing of the creative process by others without judgment regardless of the outcome of the project....that is what I am missing.
This sense of belonging and inspiration to continue with my work are moments that I cherish today, in my darkest times while I live through society's worst fears.
NOTE: I need a moment to reaffirm my new year's resolution: Renewed Inspiration and Divine Intervention are my Constant Companions.
Deep breathe...
Slow exhale...
Once again...
Church services were held between 9:00 and 9:30 PM we sat in silence and view one of Jeff's pieces. Sometimes 1/2 hr wasn't enough for me so I would visit often hoping he would be busy just so I could sit in front of his work....look at what he created...breathe it in and maybe understand his process just for one moment...but more than understanding...I could feel his process which feels just like love to me.
Jeff has the only painting of "Christ on a Cross" hanging in a church that does not show Jesus's face. This was quite controversial when the commission was completed and paint hung in the chapel. When I left Seattle it was still hanging in ST. Marks on Capitol Hill.
It is my wish when I'm back in Seattle to return to the chanting masses on Sunday night in Seattle at St. Mark's but if I can't be there, I know it is rebroadcasted on some radio station...KING? I'm not sure....at least that is what I remember about Seattle.
It is my fantasy that I can resurrect the Church of Art in Miami sometime before 2012. I only pick that date because I don't really have any other deadlines right now except to pack my storage units in the rain....so I should probably get going.
XOXOL
Seattle Summer Day
Today is another beautiful Seattle Summer Day.
Rain followed by showers. High in the mid 60's, gusty winds up to 15 MPH from the west. Chance of rain 90% with 10% chance of drizzle.
Excellent weather for the skin.
Don't forget to moisturize...even in this weather. Especially the hidden parts!
XOL
Rain followed by showers. High in the mid 60's, gusty winds up to 15 MPH from the west. Chance of rain 90% with 10% chance of drizzle.
Excellent weather for the skin.
Don't forget to moisturize...even in this weather. Especially the hidden parts!
XOL
Baby Huey Says....
One of Big Eddie's flock is Teddy [A.K.A. Baby Huey....Big Eddie's wife thought of that nickname! She's a smartie and a rocker-chick hottie!!]
He was given the $100 challenge to sit there for 1 hour and keep his mouth shut. I really pulled for him too because even though it appeared it was impossible for him to do so, I believed if he really needed the money he could sit for all of eternity with his mouth shut.
Baby Huey came to me as I was driving to Starbucks this morning. One of the last things I heard him say before my incarceration was about his new sponsor.
He said, "My new sponsor has challenged me to drive 5 miles under the speed limit."
That got my attention because the reality is that I am a speed addict.
Oh no...god no! Not that kind of Sudafed/Comet concocktion, no no no....
Driving speed....going fast....0-90 in 5 seconds! Oh how I will miss my SAAB :-( but it is just a thing...I know....I let it go...
I got a lead foot and I will tell you how I got my addiction because I think you remember, but you might be feeling a little sleepy so let me remind you...m'kay?
Remember when we were out in the desert in the Malibu Stacy Funtime Camper? God, she was the best Westphalia of all the campers I've had....she was slow and so heavy and over-heated all the time. I have so many great memories being broken down with that girl. And I drove her to her new life....those nice young guys who wanted to follow Phish?
Anyway, do remember after we spent some time with the Anasazi Indians that we had to start heading back for you to get to work. It was a Sunday and we were outside of Salt Lake City, east of it and we were gonna eat at a Cracker Barrel but all we really needed was coffee?
Remember that?
That is life in Hell Anne....think about it...
Sunday Morning + Salt Lake City = Mormons all in Church
Mormons + Coffee = ____Damnation = no extra wives___
Linda + Anne + No Coffee = Not Pretty
Remember?
I do...it was a terrible day of us driving slowly in the Mailbu Stacy Funtime Camper looking for coffee that I made a deal with God. I asked god if she just showed us where the coffee was I wouldn't ask for anything ever again. And god pulled through and we showed up at some terrible Carribu coffee shop or someplace like that and the news papers had the headlines of Princess Di being killed in a terrible car accident and the coffee!
The coffee was TERRIBLE!!!
AND PRINCESS DI WAS DEAD!
I will never forget that day. I thought to myself I made a deal with the wrong entity. I mean if I had bargained with the devil would we have had a parallel experience? Would we have found a Starbucks? Would Dodi and Di still be here?
I'm not sure. Get me Michiu Kaku and perhaps he and I can discuss the reality of super-string theory and the existances of parallel universes. I'd like to have a good cup of coffee with him sometime!
But what is my point and speed? Well, that was when I vowed to myself that I would never wander in the desert that long again without good coffee and I remembered to pack the French Press and fill the propane tank.
And to one day drive a car that went from 0-55 in less than 10 minutes.
That is what the SAAB has been for me and I do appreciate her very much but I'm psyched about using the Flexi-Cars in Seattle and being progressive again. It is so behind the times down here.
Am I rambling? Sorry. I just miss you.
Well, here's some good news sister... after spending so much time in Elko NV, I now know not only where the Starbucks are in Salt Lake City but I also know where the Trader Joe's is!!!! I think they opened a store there and there is Wild Oats too, so let's think about that for a minute.
How about when you get to feeling better you come out into the desert with me again. We only had that one trip and you said how you wished it would have been longer...me too! We can figure out the details later but I need a goal to visualize with you...
So here are a couple for you to choose from.
The above: Where we go out into the camper and hit the road. I know, I know I don't got no camper now, but that isn't the point. You know how I can maifest anything I need. Plus I'll be near Mike Schmitt and I know he would hook me up with a sound vehicle. I trust him.
Okay we got that...
Then there's Paris for Christmas. Now, when you visualize that, you don't have to include me at all if you don't want to...please! Think of someone who floats your boat! Maybe I will too and we're staying at a nice little charming hotel and perhaps you and yours meets me and mine for a lovely glass of champagne while watching the sun set.... I know you can paint a scene....let's paint one together.
Or maybe you just want to see yourself as feeling good, up and around, walking and singing with your two sisters back in the recording studio.
I've never felt more at home than when in a sound booth with headphones on with both you and Lisa.
Talk about a dream!
Let's focus on something good.
I love you tons...
Pray that 2 strong men and a hand-truck show up today...I really could use their help.
XOXO
All the way from over here
L.
He was given the $100 challenge to sit there for 1 hour and keep his mouth shut. I really pulled for him too because even though it appeared it was impossible for him to do so, I believed if he really needed the money he could sit for all of eternity with his mouth shut.
Baby Huey came to me as I was driving to Starbucks this morning. One of the last things I heard him say before my incarceration was about his new sponsor.
He said, "My new sponsor has challenged me to drive 5 miles under the speed limit."
That got my attention because the reality is that I am a speed addict.
Oh no...god no! Not that kind of Sudafed/Comet concocktion, no no no....
Driving speed....going fast....0-90 in 5 seconds! Oh how I will miss my SAAB :-( but it is just a thing...I know....I let it go...
I got a lead foot and I will tell you how I got my addiction because I think you remember, but you might be feeling a little sleepy so let me remind you...m'kay?
Remember when we were out in the desert in the Malibu Stacy Funtime Camper? God, she was the best Westphalia of all the campers I've had....she was slow and so heavy and over-heated all the time. I have so many great memories being broken down with that girl. And I drove her to her new life....those nice young guys who wanted to follow Phish?
Anyway, do remember after we spent some time with the Anasazi Indians that we had to start heading back for you to get to work. It was a Sunday and we were outside of Salt Lake City, east of it and we were gonna eat at a Cracker Barrel but all we really needed was coffee?
Remember that?
That is life in Hell Anne....think about it...
Sunday Morning + Salt Lake City = Mormons all in Church
Mormons + Coffee = ____Damnation = no extra wives___
Linda + Anne + No Coffee = Not Pretty
Remember?
I do...it was a terrible day of us driving slowly in the Mailbu Stacy Funtime Camper looking for coffee that I made a deal with God. I asked god if she just showed us where the coffee was I wouldn't ask for anything ever again. And god pulled through and we showed up at some terrible Carribu coffee shop or someplace like that and the news papers had the headlines of Princess Di being killed in a terrible car accident and the coffee!
The coffee was TERRIBLE!!!
AND PRINCESS DI WAS DEAD!
I will never forget that day. I thought to myself I made a deal with the wrong entity. I mean if I had bargained with the devil would we have had a parallel experience? Would we have found a Starbucks? Would Dodi and Di still be here?
I'm not sure. Get me Michiu Kaku and perhaps he and I can discuss the reality of super-string theory and the existances of parallel universes. I'd like to have a good cup of coffee with him sometime!
But what is my point and speed? Well, that was when I vowed to myself that I would never wander in the desert that long again without good coffee and I remembered to pack the French Press and fill the propane tank.
And to one day drive a car that went from 0-55 in less than 10 minutes.
That is what the SAAB has been for me and I do appreciate her very much but I'm psyched about using the Flexi-Cars in Seattle and being progressive again. It is so behind the times down here.
Am I rambling? Sorry. I just miss you.
Well, here's some good news sister... after spending so much time in Elko NV, I now know not only where the Starbucks are in Salt Lake City but I also know where the Trader Joe's is!!!! I think they opened a store there and there is Wild Oats too, so let's think about that for a minute.
How about when you get to feeling better you come out into the desert with me again. We only had that one trip and you said how you wished it would have been longer...me too! We can figure out the details later but I need a goal to visualize with you...
So here are a couple for you to choose from.
The above: Where we go out into the camper and hit the road. I know, I know I don't got no camper now, but that isn't the point. You know how I can maifest anything I need. Plus I'll be near Mike Schmitt and I know he would hook me up with a sound vehicle. I trust him.
Okay we got that...
Then there's Paris for Christmas. Now, when you visualize that, you don't have to include me at all if you don't want to...please! Think of someone who floats your boat! Maybe I will too and we're staying at a nice little charming hotel and perhaps you and yours meets me and mine for a lovely glass of champagne while watching the sun set.... I know you can paint a scene....let's paint one together.
Or maybe you just want to see yourself as feeling good, up and around, walking and singing with your two sisters back in the recording studio.
I've never felt more at home than when in a sound booth with headphones on with both you and Lisa.
Talk about a dream!
Let's focus on something good.
I love you tons...
Pray that 2 strong men and a hand-truck show up today...I really could use their help.
XOXO
All the way from over here
L.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
WORST FEAR # 701: MENTAL INSTITUTION
Well, another one of my worst fears has been actualized and I am now really starting to believe in all that crap that they preach about in the Secrete and on Oprah.
Firstly, let me again apologize to you Anne. I know you are my only reader and that this connection that we have is very grounding for both of us. My goal is to get to Seattle as soon as I can but in the best of health so I can be of service to you. I know that your heart is weak and the more I spin out of control the less helpful that is to you....so let me acknowledge that your getting into surgery and successfully out (and don't let me even mention rehab!) is my ULTIMATE GOAL!
I have always felt so connected to you, no offense Lisa, that at times I felt like I was your real twin, at the soul level....know what I mean? Lisa and I are learning so much about each other and how to be great sisters that I would never want to stop our developing relationship either....so I'm just standing here in the middle here between the two of you loving you both.
So let me make some boundaries for me which I think will help us both.
I will tell you why I was locked into a mental institution for the last 3 days (apprehended by the police, handcuffed and all) but to do so I get to do it in a variety of ways....say, writing voices.
These writing voices will be telling the truth but I will write down the voice that I'd like to hear saying the lines so if Howard Stern says to me: Did you ever shove any art up your pussy, then I get to answer it. That is fantasy and it is in y head.
This way if you are strong enough to read then you can imagine this stuff...oh and you know how I forget people's names all the time, right? Like Steven Colbert or is he Stephen Collbert? He's your husband, so I'm gonna ask you to be my fact finder.
You can post the answers in the comments.
And I have a great story line for "Big Eddie" and he's chasing me and and he leaves all these really crazy ransom notes but from Staples or Office Depot because why? I don't know why, but I am sure once I find out why he'll only be shopping at Staples. I"m taking pictures all the way because why?
I'm crazy?
Maybe, that's what Mom might say...but what if Mom doesn't believe I am crazy, what if Mom thinks I'm finally getting my shit together, finding a good little waitressing job down in Coral Gables, visiting the sexy Dr. Paul and taking lots of walks, visits to the beaches and writing a lot at Starbucks?
What if that is the real truth?
Don't believe me? Call her!
I Dare You!
That will kill you in a second!!!
Ha Ha!!!Just kidding!
[In my head, I can hear Stephen Colbert saying, "But seriously people, that would Kill you!" Go ahead! Call her Baby! I really do dare you!!! :-]
How's this sounding to you? Reasonable? Sane? Crazy?
What if I get a choice in my sanity?
But no time for philosophy now.... too much to be done.
So to get to you Anne, I have a lot of stuff to do and I'm taking pictures and doing 1 hour development right now until I can figure out how to use a digital camera and I need somebody to fix my fucking computer because these red lights keep flashing and I need to add more memory and move my music files but I can't figure it out!!!
URGH!!!!
I really wish I had an awesome new Apple Power Book......I don't know how to use it but it is so sexy...makes me think all sorts of naughty thoughts....about blogging.....mmmmmmmmmmmm
Oh, and one more thing Anne....
I've been prescribed a new psychedelic drug that has just been put on the market. I have not taken it yet and the prescription will be ready for me today at 2 PM. I don't remember the name of it since I have to see the bottle.
I need your help trying to decide if I should start a new line of drug therapy. I've been off my pharmaceuticals drugs for several months now. I know, I did it really sneaky...I poured my withdrawal into art....that's how I was able to create the Lifestyle Center.
I know I freaked some people out because I do have unusually long bouts of creative energy but these bouts typically last up to 90 min. long and I can be incredibly productive in that time frame.
Following that 90 min. spurt I require food, relaxation, stretching, breath work, meditation, swimming...etc...you get the idea, some kind of self-care. The healing work I've been doing with Dr. Paul has been incredible and there are no drugs involved.
If you don't believe me, I am willing to have all my medical records published on this blog....that is if I can find some geeky guy to fix my god damned computer!!! See how it is all connected?
Was that thought a voice in my head or a plea to a geek?
You decide.
Here are some other facts about my life right now:
My job security from Whole Foods Market expired on 02/09/08. On that day I was in a mental institution. Yeah, I know they don't call them that anymore, but that's what they are....right? Isn't that like saying Nudist?
I have less than 6 weeks left of my insurance from Whole Foods Market.
I am on Long-Term Disability Insurance due to Post Tramatic Stress Disorder following an incident at Whole Foods Market of which I cannot speak about due to my signing a confidentiality agreement. Anyone who knows me, knows that I can keep a secret. Even the darkest most painful ones.
I do not qualify for Social Security Disability due to my high income level.
I am being evicted from my home.
I have filed for bankruptcy and today the judgment is final.
My car is being repossessed.
My sister is dying and needs open heart surgery.
She has no insurance.
I am far away from her.
Please pray for my sister Anne...it will help both of us.
Anne, tell me what you think. Should I take the pharmacudical drugs? You've been on them. I won't decide until I get your opinion.
I love you so much,
all the way from over here...
Linda
PS...I'm way to fucking busy to edit so when it comes out, it comes out. And I may need to post a lot of times during the day....'cuz I really miss you.
So does Puff.
Firstly, let me again apologize to you Anne. I know you are my only reader and that this connection that we have is very grounding for both of us. My goal is to get to Seattle as soon as I can but in the best of health so I can be of service to you. I know that your heart is weak and the more I spin out of control the less helpful that is to you....so let me acknowledge that your getting into surgery and successfully out (and don't let me even mention rehab!) is my ULTIMATE GOAL!
I have always felt so connected to you, no offense Lisa, that at times I felt like I was your real twin, at the soul level....know what I mean? Lisa and I are learning so much about each other and how to be great sisters that I would never want to stop our developing relationship either....so I'm just standing here in the middle here between the two of you loving you both.
So let me make some boundaries for me which I think will help us both.
I will tell you why I was locked into a mental institution for the last 3 days (apprehended by the police, handcuffed and all) but to do so I get to do it in a variety of ways....say, writing voices.
These writing voices will be telling the truth but I will write down the voice that I'd like to hear saying the lines so if Howard Stern says to me: Did you ever shove any art up your pussy, then I get to answer it. That is fantasy and it is in y head.
This way if you are strong enough to read then you can imagine this stuff...oh and you know how I forget people's names all the time, right? Like Steven Colbert or is he Stephen Collbert? He's your husband, so I'm gonna ask you to be my fact finder.
You can post the answers in the comments.
And I have a great story line for "Big Eddie" and he's chasing me and and he leaves all these really crazy ransom notes but from Staples or Office Depot because why? I don't know why, but I am sure once I find out why he'll only be shopping at Staples. I"m taking pictures all the way because why?
I'm crazy?
Maybe, that's what Mom might say...but what if Mom doesn't believe I am crazy, what if Mom thinks I'm finally getting my shit together, finding a good little waitressing job down in Coral Gables, visiting the sexy Dr. Paul and taking lots of walks, visits to the beaches and writing a lot at Starbucks?
What if that is the real truth?
Don't believe me? Call her!
I Dare You!
That will kill you in a second!!!
Ha Ha!!!Just kidding!
[In my head, I can hear Stephen Colbert saying, "But seriously people, that would Kill you!" Go ahead! Call her Baby! I really do dare you!!! :-]
How's this sounding to you? Reasonable? Sane? Crazy?
What if I get a choice in my sanity?
But no time for philosophy now.... too much to be done.
So to get to you Anne, I have a lot of stuff to do and I'm taking pictures and doing 1 hour development right now until I can figure out how to use a digital camera and I need somebody to fix my fucking computer because these red lights keep flashing and I need to add more memory and move my music files but I can't figure it out!!!
URGH!!!!
I really wish I had an awesome new Apple Power Book......I don't know how to use it but it is so sexy...makes me think all sorts of naughty thoughts....about blogging.....mmmmmmmmmmmm
Oh, and one more thing Anne....
I've been prescribed a new psychedelic drug that has just been put on the market. I have not taken it yet and the prescription will be ready for me today at 2 PM. I don't remember the name of it since I have to see the bottle.
I need your help trying to decide if I should start a new line of drug therapy. I've been off my pharmaceuticals drugs for several months now. I know, I did it really sneaky...I poured my withdrawal into art....that's how I was able to create the Lifestyle Center.
I know I freaked some people out because I do have unusually long bouts of creative energy but these bouts typically last up to 90 min. long and I can be incredibly productive in that time frame.
Following that 90 min. spurt I require food, relaxation, stretching, breath work, meditation, swimming...etc...you get the idea, some kind of self-care. The healing work I've been doing with Dr. Paul has been incredible and there are no drugs involved.
If you don't believe me, I am willing to have all my medical records published on this blog....that is if I can find some geeky guy to fix my god damned computer!!! See how it is all connected?
Was that thought a voice in my head or a plea to a geek?
You decide.
Here are some other facts about my life right now:
My job security from Whole Foods Market expired on 02/09/08. On that day I was in a mental institution. Yeah, I know they don't call them that anymore, but that's what they are....right? Isn't that like saying Nudist?
I have less than 6 weeks left of my insurance from Whole Foods Market.
I am on Long-Term Disability Insurance due to Post Tramatic Stress Disorder following an incident at Whole Foods Market of which I cannot speak about due to my signing a confidentiality agreement. Anyone who knows me, knows that I can keep a secret. Even the darkest most painful ones.
I do not qualify for Social Security Disability due to my high income level.
I am being evicted from my home.
I have filed for bankruptcy and today the judgment is final.
My car is being repossessed.
My sister is dying and needs open heart surgery.
She has no insurance.
I am far away from her.
Please pray for my sister Anne...it will help both of us.
Anne, tell me what you think. Should I take the pharmacudical drugs? You've been on them. I won't decide until I get your opinion.
I love you so much,
all the way from over here...
Linda
PS...I'm way to fucking busy to edit so when it comes out, it comes out. And I may need to post a lot of times during the day....'cuz I really miss you.
So does Puff.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Big Eddie Says at Least you showed up
Anne,
Pray for me to find some old telephone bills.
Thank you,
Linda
I'm trying to find someone with a truck and only Aaron's name comes to my mind but I can't find his phone number since I threw it out...I don't want to bug Gianni...I've hurt him too much already with tempting him with that steak and I really did go too far.
So pray that I find some old phone bills after this snack and I'll go back and look again...
OH! you already prayed!
I can tell because I found another solution.
Don't bother praying Anne, I got it covered.
I'm gonna call Richard.
Oh, I'm gonna change my flight to arrive on the 14th instead of the 7th. Thanks for giving me a little space so I could put the rest of my plans together. I feel so much better!
Whew!
I need to maybe rent a truck for a week because Buck Buckles gave me a beat up old bike and I don't want to pack it. I want to return it to his face and I placed a little spell on the bike but if I tell you it will break the spell so you'll just have to believe what ever you want...on the bike.
Did i curse it? Yell and tourture it?
Did i tell it I was angry and thank it for my lesson? Did I put a tip in a new accessory and remove another?
You know what I did...you really know me.
Anyway....pray for a cute doctor! I see a shiny bright object for you ahead.
Did I tell you Dr. Paul offered me a job in Miami when I get back? I've got a couple ideas on how I can make it work and it would suck to loose this apartment and screw my landlord who is a nice lady but just stuck in a financial bind....
So...here's the real prayer I need from you:
Pray for $$$$$ MONEY!!!!!! Because that is really all I need. With a ton of money we can do anything!!!!
Love you...
eat your vegetables
enjoy the jello.
L.
Pray for me to find some old telephone bills.
Thank you,
Linda
I'm trying to find someone with a truck and only Aaron's name comes to my mind but I can't find his phone number since I threw it out...I don't want to bug Gianni...I've hurt him too much already with tempting him with that steak and I really did go too far.
So pray that I find some old phone bills after this snack and I'll go back and look again...
OH! you already prayed!
I can tell because I found another solution.
Don't bother praying Anne, I got it covered.
I'm gonna call Richard.
Oh, I'm gonna change my flight to arrive on the 14th instead of the 7th. Thanks for giving me a little space so I could put the rest of my plans together. I feel so much better!
Whew!
I need to maybe rent a truck for a week because Buck Buckles gave me a beat up old bike and I don't want to pack it. I want to return it to his face and I placed a little spell on the bike but if I tell you it will break the spell so you'll just have to believe what ever you want...on the bike.
Did i curse it? Yell and tourture it?
Did i tell it I was angry and thank it for my lesson? Did I put a tip in a new accessory and remove another?
You know what I did...you really know me.
Anyway....pray for a cute doctor! I see a shiny bright object for you ahead.
Did I tell you Dr. Paul offered me a job in Miami when I get back? I've got a couple ideas on how I can make it work and it would suck to loose this apartment and screw my landlord who is a nice lady but just stuck in a financial bind....
So...here's the real prayer I need from you:
Pray for $$$$$ MONEY!!!!!! Because that is really all I need. With a ton of money we can do anything!!!!
Love you...
eat your vegetables
enjoy the jello.
L.
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