Jesus likes marshmallow peeps and jelly beans for breakfast. He was homeless for a real long time and one of his favorite foods was hard boiled eggs so be sure to make them pretty and put them outside somewhere he can find them, maybe away from the dumpster, but in the yard so when he's peeking in your windows checking-up on what you're doing, he can have a protein snack. Jesus studied with Santa Clause and that's why he's such a voyeur. Men. What's up with that...the voyeurism...fun to watch, I guess.
Once Jesus has had the peeps, jelly beans and hard boiled eggs, Jesus likes to give a big "FUCK YOU JEWS" to his mother, father and former clan by eating a whole spiral ham...so don't forget to pick that up either. You can get them anywhere nowadays, but if you can't find ham, he likes bacon too...but only on the side. Don't put the bacon directly in front of him or else he goes into a blind rage. A lot of people don't talk about this side of Jesus...the rage...but when he wakes up, he remembers the whole Judas thing and then Mary his girlfriend runs off with Paul. Anyway, it brings up a lot of old issues for him, so just be aware.
Another thing about Jesus...he's gonna be a bit groggy tomorrow. He might have a hell of a hangover so talk in hushed tones, okay? And for the love of god, give him a glass of wine! He'll need it! And don't ask for too much forgiveness first thing when he gets up. He's gotta get outta town before those pesky Romans find out he's away, so give him what he needs. And if he's looking for a place to lay low for a little while, send him to India to learn how to meditate already! That's the real secret to life!
As a conversation starter tomorrow, you might like to try, "Some party, huh?" or "Dude, you were wacked out of your mind!" Wait until he has a cup of coffee before you tell him about how he was tripping out and then hanging on that cross. He's gonna laugh his ass off!
So get out there and buy those peeps people!
So much love,
All the way from over here..
Linda
1 comment:
That Jesus is one cranky dude in the morning! "They'll be joy in the morning on that day", as the song says, but ONLY IF HE'S HAD HIS BACON AND COFFEE! Brilliant funny stuff, Linda!
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