A sad day for Toddlers

Toddlers can no longer get married even with their parent's consent in Arkansas.

"I say you, I cain't marry you baby!"

What's happening to this world? Babies can't get married now? What other kinds of sanctions will the government put on us? First babies can't get married then what? What will become of our nation if we don't encourage the babies of this world to marry and procreate? Marriage is the foundation for the meaning of life!

If I had been married off as a toddler it is unlikely that I would fine myself here today sitting idle in some random coffee shop in Seattle writing drivel about this and that...but no...my mother had to be "progressive" and instead of getting me married at age 3, she insisted on piano lessons.

Look where that got me. Sure I can type 120 words a minute but I got no husband. And isn't that what life is all about? Getting married and having children?

That bitch!

I didn't get register at Toys-R-Us or BabyGap or Potterybarn Kids. Had I been married as a toddler I could have avioded that whole awkward teen-age dating scene. What an injustice! I hate how the federal government thinks they know what is best for the children of this world!

And what about the babies that are engaged right now? What will happen to them? Who has the terrible job of telling them that the June wedding is off? Do they even know when June is?

I'm too angry to even comprehend how outrageous this is! I say Fuck the Government! Let the babies get married! If they can play nicely together as babies that is really all it takes to have a good relationship, am I right? You gotta get along! Share your milk and cookies...that's what it takes to have a good relationship and the sooner you figure that out baby, the better off everyone else will be!

What will the government tell me next? That Ketchup isn't a vegetable?

So much love,
All the way from over here...
Linda