Memo to God

Date: April 08, 2008
To: God, known creator of Earth and its inhabitants
From: Universal Force and Life Energies
Subject: Weather in Seattle, WA, United States, Planet Earth

Through extensive market research and analysis, it has been discovered that human beings in the Pacific Northwest find fleece and rain gear sexually attracting for mating. This element in conjunction with caffeinated hot beverages has proved lucrative for not just you and your team but for the thousands and thousands of child labors in Singapore joyfully working to keep up with the demand. The economic success locally for retailers and manufacturers has been impressive.

However, it has been brought to management's attention that there are complaints regarding the recent incorporation of Arctic Winds to the local weather, particularly in greater Seattle proper. R&D located the cause for this resent plunge in temperature to you and your team. We are holding you directly responsible for this unacceptable condition.

Past communication with you through our human being and your immediate supervisor, Linda Silberman, have fallen on deaf ears. We considered this a result to your creating deaf people in your image, but realize that you hear prayer in all forms be they verbal, visual, written or fist-shaking.

Consequences for your actions have been increased napping, increased tolerance for mediocre movies and increased food consumption. Independently, these are not terrible but combined they can prove fatal to the ever fragile state of well-being. Our market research team, located at the Center of The Universe in Fremont Washington, suggests not only disciplinary action but a new approach to increase the general feeling of depression that blankets the Emerald City. We expect you and your team to saturate this area with "Abundant Sunshine".

Our research suggests that an increased level of sunshine directly impacts the spirit. While the use of light boxes has helped some, it is no substitute for the earths primary light source, the sun. We also notice that as this memo is being written, you have broken through the clouds to provide "sunshine". Do not be mistaken. This action will not be considered "abundant" until there are at least three (3 or III) consecutive days of sunshine in a row. We expect temperatures to rise as a result. Failure to do so will be considered insubordination and further disciplinary action will result up to and including termination.

Consider this memo as a the first of your written warnings.

If you need assistance in executing this plan, please do not hesitate to call. Our goal is to keep everyone happy.