Tuesday, February 5, 2008

A Blast from the Past

Anne,

Here is the last posting I put up on the Patsycat Cafe. It was nice to reread the obituary about Patsycat. She came to me in a dream yesterday while I napped on the chaise in my living room. Raoul too came in my dream.

It was as if all the helpful spirits in the world returned as pets and the way god recognizes good people is how we treat our pets.

And if we agree that the idea that our spirit helpers are in our cats and dogs, doesn't that make you feel just a little bit better thinking about having Picasso on your belly as you rest? Or what about Saturn coming by for a visit?

Why not invite more kitties over while you nap? Why not cover your bed with all the best kitties everywhere and be sure to include the first kitties we had like Calico and Sing. That damned Sing...he was the worst black cat ever! But so big and pretty....

Love you.
L.

Patsycat Cafe
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
OUT UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE Readers:

Transformation happened to me last night. I experienced the vision quest I had been waiting 8 years for and it felt as if I were being exercised of a demon, and today I am alive and very well.

No pea soup on the walls!

Here's the thing...John Two Birds came to me and reminded of my native american name and I received the vision I have been waiting and waiting for...for so long I could not see my future and now I see it.

It would be my honor to share it with you...

I will share it with you...

But this is sacred information.

I am transformed and I am protected. I am beautiful and the absolutely most loved child of god as you are too...because there is enough for us all...there are silver buckets of love everywhere filled to the brim with its sweet scent. It is here.

This is my last posting on Patsycat Cafe.

Patsycat's spirit left last night. It moved on. She told me it was time for her to go to her special kitty place and I didn't need her watching over me anymore. She assured me that Puff and L'il man were doing a great job and she had others waiting for her love and she promised to visit me whenever I needed...and the softest kitty that ever lived, the sweet little Patsycat licked my nose and went her way.

She was such a good cat. She stayed here with me since she left her body in 2000. So soft...bunny-soft fur.

The Patsycat Cafe is closing its doors forever. We've lost our lease and have decided to do something else. This has been a great cafe...coffee was spectacular! Snacks? The best! Conversations were easy and the laughs...boy have we laughed here.

It's been a good little blog and it will be missed.

This does not mean that I am stopping writing.
Oh No.

I am just stopping writing here.

My new blog is by invitation only.

You must write and request the new web address. I will not link it to here because today I have a new voice.

John Two Birds came to me and we talked for a long time last night before the healing ceremony. I have been given some incredible information to share but it is sacred and you must be ready to read it. To be ready you must be able to ask for what you need...isn't that the lesson I have been learning?

Ask for what you need out loud to the right person and it will come.

If you would like to read my writings and to learn what John Two Birds has taught me, simply shoot me an email with your reason why you want to read the blog and we'll see if Two Birds will grant you enterance...see, he's like my big daddy...but not my dad. He's my Earth Poppa...native american son...a man of this earth and he's making sure that all who come in contact treat me with respect and dignity or else they can't talk to the pretty lady.

So if you believe you are called to read about my experiences with John Two Birds, simply write to this email address:

linda.silberman@yahoo.com

It is with the greatest love and sincerest appreciation for allowing me to use this venue to purge my pain and suffering. It is all out now. Today I am illuminated.

As a thank you gift to you, my reader, I would like to share Patsycat's Obituary.

Peace be with you and please pray for the people everywhere...they need all the help they can get.
Patsycat
A.K.A.
Linda S. Silberman

Patsycat Obituary

Patsycat Silberman died at 6:00 a.m. October 16th, 2000 from a series of strokes followed by a massive seizure. To stop her suffering, she was euthanized in her life-long companions’ arms. Ms. Patsycat never revealed her real age. Her loyal fans guessed her to be between 14 and 18 years old. She is survived by her lover, Abdul Raoul Silberman, and Life Companion, Linda S. Silberman.

Born in Paris to fashion designer parents, her birth name was Cappuccino. Multi-cream colored bunny-soft fur and crossed blue eyes, she was selected by the neighbors as the ‘best of the litter”. Fame was her destiny. She loved smiling and started speaking at an early age. Adoring parents carried her everywhere on a purple and gold satin pillow. Educated in the drawing and cutting room in the Milan fashion district and on the runway, her beautiful face was discovered by Cat Fancy Magazine when she was only 1 ½ years old, or 10 in human years.

She was a natural in the modeling industry and possessed an almost psychic ability to know how to stare directly into the camera. This natural ability to convey the most provocative positions while remaining a lady made her top of her field. For the millions of fans that followed her career, she had her fair share of critics. But her modest professionalism while she was in her prime made her worshiped by her colleagues. She rose to the highest honors and her ability to work long hours with minimal grooming and consistent performance for days on end dazzled crowds across the globe.

Fame was instant and she was hired by Vogue in 1988 to do a radical photo shoot wearing only diamonds and a boa constrictor. Not only was this vision controversial, it was highly risky. A tender kitten had never been asked to expose her self to a snake while maintaining her dignity. Art Diretors insisted the snake would be fed before the shot and the press was outraged that the art directors would risk the kitten’s life for recognition. This event, the photo shoot, was discussed on all the news and daytime chat shows. It made people angry.

“It was too risky a job for me…I walked out!” stated 2nd groomer Mr. Tyrone. “The riskier the job, and controversial the more hard it is to brush her out…she was like terrified and like all hissing and trembled and that fur got so matted…child it was like pullin’ splinters out of a jar of broken glass! No more I said and I walked! Yes I did…walked right outa there…”

The attention devoted to this photo created a media circus at the publishing house and so risky the shot it has never been attempted again.

Vogue sold 18 millions of copies of that cover.

Cappuccino became an international icon.

During her career she kept apartments in Milan, Paris, Moscow, Tel Aviv, Hong Kong, London and Austin, Texas. It was in Austin where she met and fell in love with Latin playboy and jet-setter, Biscotti Con Gusto.

Cappuccino and Biscotti lived a fast, hard life full of drugs, drinks and excess. She began to obsess about her weight and became addicted to Opti-fast. She did not take care of her fur and Biscotti grew abusive. The tension created a wall around Cappuccino and work came in less often.

After a failed music attempt she tried her hand at acting. She appeared in several small films which all had a similar role of the elderly neighbor’s cat. The script instructed that Cappuccino was to ran out the door every time Carol Channing opened it, but Cappuccino missed her cue, slept through rehearsal, and was reported to have stopped acting mid-shot to lick herself in the most private of places for no apparent reason at all!

“There was nothing there.” said Channing. “She hallucinated all day during work believing that she was dirty and became obsessive about washing herself. At first I thought she got some bad crack, cuz there were some dirty rocks floating around, but then she just got all whacked out. Really, I did not see this coming.” Channing finished by adding, “…I told her, clean the rocks and don’t get none of that white shit from Whitney! Bobby don’t got the connections anymore.”

Directors and producers had no idea what Cappuccino would do next. She was out of control and she developed a very bad reputation. Again she was fired and searching for money.

Desperate and disillusioned, she was finally given another chance in New York on Broadway. She was cast as the lead in the new musical, “Miss Saigon”. It opened to bad reviews and closed three days after opening in ruins. Drunk and belligerent, Cappuccino was reported to having argued during rehearsal about costume designs and she insisted on wearing a Russian-styled hat black hat made out of pygmy goat fur insisting it would lengthen her face making it look thinner on camera and it would show off her trademarked but now bloodshot crossed-eyes.

In a statement released to the press from the Executive Producers of the Ms. Saigon stated, “…artistic differences…”as the cause for her leaving the production and insiders confirmed that she refused to sing during the now famous helicopter scene.

Insiders report that Cappuccino insisted she be squatting center stage, to assume the (now trademarked) “meatloaf” position and howl for her mommy for 67 minuets uninterrupted. Years after this incident, Cappuccino was quoted in the 1996 “Where Are They Now?” issue of People Magazine as saying, “…I know Miss Saigon. I am her. I know what she did. You see, she is me…that director don’t know me. I am Miss Saigon. Not that c*%t from the ice follies, it was me! I Am Miss Saigon. I went to Saigon, I know what’s there! I am the real MISS SAIGON…” Poor Cappuccino remained bitter for many years regarding her replacement from the follies. She found that most humiliating. That quote in from People Magazine caused a stir no one was ready for and Cappuccino was yet again paraded in front of the press, and this time with her head in shame.

Distraught from her failure on stage, she and Biscotti came to Seattle to seek their fortune on the newly forming Internet business and they collaborated with private investors for their web-based business. Biscotti took over the role as manager after firing the last agent for poor representation and mismanagement;

Biscotti was not an honest man. He told investors the business was selling Cappuccino memorabilia to her millions of fans world-wide. It did not take long for the investors to d

scover that the memorabilia was a front for kitty porn website available to children without restrictions.

Cappuccino, now completely absorbed in her drug addiction, was photographed unconscious in most of the kitty porn shots. Cat Nip was everywhere and she was even photographed belly up while drooling. The investors reacted quickly and requested their return of funds but Biscotti had squandered the money away on gambling, booze, drugs and women. He preferred 2 legged ladies, not 4. This was the final humiliation for Cappuccino.

Their fights became escalated. He blamed Cappuccino for the horrible life he now led. In the spring of 1996 Biscotti beat her beyond recognition and threw her out into the cold. Nothing to her name except the fur on her back, Cappuccino walked the streets cold, hurt, hungry and wet. Teeth gnawed to nubs because of the years of cocaine addiction, she turned tricks with reclusive Microsoft software programmers for food and the promise of warmth.

Arrested for prostitution in the spring of 1996, she was placed in solitary confinement for she was still a celebrity and at high risk. The arrest was published world-wide and Cappuccino was ready to die. She had pneumonia and was given only two weeks to live. Copies of the confidential medical files were stolen and published online in 1998 and Biscotti Con Gusto was arrested for robbery but was released following investigation with only a written warning.

In a rare copy of the recently uncovered medical records, there are 45 pages of doctor notes in the daily care log. Many comments were written as Cappuccino drifted in and out of the spirit world. The doctors wrote endless notes on her condition, “it’s as if she has been beaten from the inside out….Some of the doctors talk about what it’d be like to touch a pussy like that… she is so close to death…so pathetic….the slightest touch could kill her…another sleepless night…ask doctor if it is time to kill her…”

Lifetime fan, Anne Silberman, followed Cappuccino’s career passionately and when she heard the news of Cappuccino’s confinement and brought her sister to meet with her. They fell in love instantly. Cappuccino was granted parole and placed in custody with Ms. Linda S. Silberman. She convalesced in the swank Seattle flat with houseman, Raoul and a grand piano. Wanting a new life, she changed her name to Patsycat and left the past behind.

In her last years she spent most of her time entertaining friends, napping, waiting for wet food, camping, singing, napping, sitting in gardens, reading, looking at herself in mirrors, napping, washing, traveling, doing crossword puzzles, eating, napping.

During this golden time, she and her long-time friend, Raoul fell in love and together they worked towards global harmony holding group meditations focusing on healing and cleansing out negative energies. Her life work was now humanitarian.

Patsycat lived out her dying days with a full and joyous life. She will be best remembered for her bunny-soft fur and adorable crossed-eyes. Lockets of her fur and a paw print were left to her life companion and are available for private viewing.




Pleasure Loop The Pleasure Loop...the only relief I have felt in the last six months has been my pleasure loop.

Your Horoscope

While you are waiting for my next post, why not take a break and visit Rob Brezney's website because that is where all the answers really are...just ask Anne Rainbow Shepard.

She's praying for you too Anne....the twin Anne's and both my soul sisters!

http://www.freewillastrology.com/horoscopes/capricorn.html

xol

crazy idea #666

I put all my ideas in a big book and give it to an artist to do whatever they want with it and it is a gift.

I receive a gift of $10,000 and i never have to repay it...a gift...

And someone gets to keep the big book of art and do whatever they want with it.

I know.

Crazy.

So crazy that it sounds like it was a crazy deal with the devil....thus the number.

So crazy that it just might work?

Dunno....

May be

Big Eddie Says:

Big Eddie said to me this morning, "Hey, where were you yesterday Linda? I waited here and you didn't show! What happened!"

I accepted his mini beating...it really was quite soft.

"Sorry Ed. I know it's important to just show-up but sometimes you need a minute to yourself to gather your thoughts."

He nodded in agreement and then started talking about the past few days and all the hell he's been going through with the Giants and all the loosing or were they winning? I didn't really listen because I have a bit of a headache and I was gonna go out for a grand slam breakfast but I decided to have a yogurt instead.

Big Eddie told a joke today too....went like this.

"Hey, what's the secret to a perfectc marriage?"

"Seperate houses."

Good stuff! I laughed!

God bless Big Eddie!

Chandler came over to me today...I had no idea how upset these guys get when I'm not here at THIS starbucks. I'd love to go to a meeting with them sometime but I gotta wait and see....I'm not quite ready to go into recovery and I think I might have discovered a new format to the AA meeting (please read AA meeting posting.)

I mean, if all AA meetings were set-up like that, wouldn't it be enough just for a guy to show up to that meeting?

Just show up.

L.

What If...

What if:

LOVE = REAL

REAL = LOVE

Ponder that a while longer...

But not too long...

I"m getting hungry!

Oh! I know! Maybe I'll go have a grand-slam breakfast except not at Denny's since they use such terrible meat, but maybe this little place near the beach here in pompano...

I'll take you there Anne when you come for a visit. Remember, I got a spare bed room too....and Little Man has missed you so much.

Somehow you'll be here soon.
L.

Black Lola and the Living Martyrs

OH, Anne, I also forgot to mention that part of my healing of this PTSD is for me to write every day. The worse I feel, the more I write and the doctors both agree that I will get better...


So when I am packing boxes I get these ideas for bands and road shows and radio shows and they are great project ideas and I really want to do them.

So here is an idea for an awesome band:

Black Lola and the Living Martyrs and it will be a venue for us to showcase your talent? You can be Black Lola in stead of Avenging Annie.

Anyway, part of the show in this art fantasy is that I get to talk about Mom and share all her crazy stories....really, if you look at mom's behavior from another point of view, it is rather funny.

The interesting thing about being Martrs is that you have to live to witness the change. And we want you to LIVE and witness the changes so who knows what any of this means, but just think about Black Lola and the Living Martyrs for a while and let me know if we can bring Little Man on the road.

Just think about that....

Love you,
L.


Martyr

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

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Look up Martyr in
Wiktionary, the free dictionary.
Saint Sebastian, an iconic image of martyrdom.
Saint Sebastian, an iconic image of martyrdom.
The term martyr (Greek μάρτυς "witness") initially signified a witness in the forensic sense, a person called to bear witness in legal proceedings. With this meaning it was used in the secular sphere as well as in both the Old Testament and the New Testament of the Bible.[1] The process of bearing witness was not intended to lead to the death of the witness, although it is known from ancient writers (e.g. Josephus) that witnesses, especially of the lower classes, were tortured routinely before being interrogated as a means of forcing them to disclose the truth.

Anne, I wish...

Check out this event coming up in Seattle on 02/22/08...this is from Glyniss McCants. She's the numbers lady, a numerologist who has figured out how it all works! George Noory will be there too but I have a feeling that you'll be hanging out with your soul mate real soon....

Or is Steven Collbert your soul mate?

You tell me?

Stay strong Anne....

I hear you calling and every time I hear your voice I get another box packed and things are moving forward....I'm just taking a little break here at starbucks and I want to make sure you always have something new to read when ever you check my blog...no matter wherever I am.

A CHANCE FOR US TO MEET IN PERSON!


I am so excited that Coast To Coast's George Noory and I are going to be at the Psychic Spectrum Convention this month in Seattle Washington February 22-24th. George Noory will be the Master of Ceremonies, and I will be giving a Free Numerology lecture, and teaching a Numerology Workshop. You don't want to miss this wonderful opportunity! Click Here to find out all the details!


Prayer for My Soul

Dear God,

What if I have just figured out all of your best conspiracy theories.

They are fantastic works of art!

Kudos!

Thank you for giving me the vision. I will sit here patiently at starbucks and watch you do your magic.

So much love for you,
All the way from over here,
Linda

Time for clarity

Dear Reader (a.k.a. Anne),

I am so sorry for having pushed your buttons and caused you such stress. sometimes I have a hard time talking about what is happening to me...there have been so many secretes and when I follow the bunny trail of where they all lead as to understanding why all this shit is happening to me I totally forgot to look up and witness you.

My goal is to get to Seattle before the operation but there may be a chance I will be a little late since I am still trying to wrap up a few more things before the flight.

There has been a lot of energy coming through me and Dr. Paul and I have been working together on learning new techniques for treating PTSD. We have come across something and it is very exciting but the timing couldn't be worst.

Dr. Paul and my MD, Dr. Woliner are both monitoring my progress closely. Dr. Paul wants to make sure I am supported to do the work that we have to do together... and he is concerned about me traveling too, in this condition.

I am pryaing for 10,000 to appear magically so I can buy myself a little time. I want to repay my landlord in full the $3150 I owe her so I can keep my apartment at least until April to figure out what I will do next.

If she had the money, she'd let me stay there for free so why not give her the money and let me stay there for free?

I would ask Big Eddie for the money but I don't want to have any mob debt hanging over my head.

Anyway, all i really need Big Eddie has...and that is a great fantasy.

So here's the deal. You are sick, Anne. I have a lot of shit on my plate. How about you rest, stop worrying about me because the one thing I know you taught me, and it wasn't potty training...it is that god will hear my prayers. I asked you what I could do for you and you said pray.

So I am going to end this posting and post a prayer.

I love you Anne.

Please forgive me for my behavior.

Monday, February 4, 2008

Doctor say so it must be true

Today both of my doctors agreed that i was far to sick to be released to return to work. That means that in 6 weeks I will no longer be a whole foods market team member. As of Feb. 9th I will no longer be in my position of Associate Store Team Leader.

I used to always joke, always an associate team leader, never a leader (to myself of course.)


I am okay with all of this because i have my disability insurance and i spoke with my doctor this morning about my dream and i am going to have a cat scan after anne gets out of surgery.

God, I do hope we raise that money because health insurance is so expensive and i am afraid i will need so much more of it soon...

Anyway....I can't be posting too much more right now because i have much to do.

If you are strong, please feel free to drop by. I have some water bottles that need to be moved. Oh, don't worry. I can get them. They do not have anything in them...so they are light.

Hitler Techniques. Part II

I know how I sound and I can see the worry in your eyes and I ask you, kindly, please let me finish this point and I will not bring it up again...

Hitler...

Who believes in reincarnation? I do. I was raised in a family that was very progressive in all areas but we did not realize how far ahead of the program we were and I thought we were just different. I am from a family of circles of 3...me and my two sisters, my mom and her two sisters, her mom and her two sisters and her mom and two sisters...and on and on and on.

One of the gifts that people don't discuss in public without rolling their eyes are psychic abilities: intuition...a woman's intuition. How does a woman know when a man is cheating? He covered his tail, changed his clothes, took a shower, paid cash, covered all his steps and still his woman knew he was messing around on her.

How did she do it?

What is the answer? Woman's Intuition.

Do men have intuition? Of course. Why give one sex a gift and not an equal gift for the other? Seems unfair and if we agree that we are created in god's image and if god looks like me and if I get to think like god for just this sentence, then I can say...hell no! If I have two genders, then both get the same amount of intuition...no separation. So if we agree, then let's agree in mathematical terms so we can reefer back to it to see our work

Men's Intuition = Women's Intuition

Remember that point and let us move forward from this point in agreement. Agreed?

Mythology teaches us that the intuitive arts are handed down from the women's side of the family. I know this because I come from a long line of psychics who support themselves with this craft but do it undercover because the Catholic Church stole the power from the women when they invented the Virgin Mary story.

NOTE: Dear Conspiracy Theorists, this is where I need your help. Father Damien, can you handle this area for me? [Is your book ready to be published yet because i need to read it!] Anne, we know you are the best with the conspiracy theory, but you need to rest now and Father Damien is a real priest and he does my hair! Finally a useful trade for a priest!

Using a veil but calling it a virgin birth will empower the men to remind them that they are the stronger sex and that the natural order of things are that Men dominance Women. Wouldn't that be a way for one of the sexes to take control of a situation? Invent a story about a savior and fill it with all sorts of this and that about wine and fish and dinner parties and some woman who didn't even have a house, no body around and she had to have her perfect baby in a barn.

Agreed?

Let's recap so we stay together unraveling this puzzle in theory...

Man and Woman are equal and psychic abilities exist but have remained hidden under the woman's veil for a couple thousand of years. The catholic church invented the virgin Mary story to take advantage of the followers who gave everything they have to help the true prophet, Jesus Christ.

Note: this is just for argument's sake. This is not my opinion, just a theory like JFK, UFO's, Spontaneous Healing, Yeti/Big Foot, Chupracabra, Government Conspiracies, The Federal Reserve, The IRS, The Female Orgasm and all other fairy tails we agree are equal.

Okay remember this point:

Time Print
1:59 PM
02/04/08
Starbucks
Pompano Beach FL

The Virgin Mary story is just a story just like Big Foot.

Virgin Mary = Big Foot

Okay.

We agree then that all the stories that have conspiracy theories behind them are all equal and it is possible that we do not know the truth about these issues. We are agreed.

Moving forward, together.

Imagine then that the Virgin Mary Story is equal two the Mary Magdala story in the Bible.

Virgin Mary = Mary Magdala

Imagine then that psychic powers exist and the Catholic Church only acknowledges under their robes that it is true. They deny that they molest little boys, so why wouldn't they deny that women hold intuitive powers too....and that those intuitive powers are strong in women.

That's a scary thought.

Imagine that a man posses awesome psychic abilities and can see many things in his dreams and he does not know what to do with all this information so he just sits there and does nothing because he cannot figure out all the bunny trails and he cannot tell which part of the dream was true because part of the dream seemed so real. IT seemed so real and some things happened and it kind of scared him because he did not know what to do with that information and so he got scared a lot.

Let's say this awesome power came from a young man.

Imagine this young man reached out to his brother for help and his brother denied him because he did not know for sure, in the body, if the information was true or not.

Are we still together?

We are talking about a man-child who has awesome psychic abilities but is unaware of it and so he does not know what he is doing...he is floating around out there, drifting, smoking too much weed, playing too many video games, jerking-off too much, watching a lot of porn, and really just sitting on his ass doing nothing.

No Thing.

Still with me?

Okay.

Let's give these charactors some names then so we can refer back to them...because if you look up, we've come pretty far down the bunny trail and I haven't even gotten to the punch line yet.

Names (we'll stay in the bible because there are so many pages and a book that big has got to be good for something, right?):

The Older Brother = Jesus

The Psychic Brother = Judas

We agree on all these points....okay.

Now, back to the girls and psychic powers...

Imagine if you will the city of Jerusalam a couple thousand years ago and you're a woman and you meet these incredible guys who are not only hot, but they are psychics and they are predicting shit and they are right on target and then you get in their loop and you jump right in...you have this awesomely strong power that is overwhelmingly intoxicating and yet creates feelings of insanity.

Now the hot chicks names were the same, Mary. A good name and many of the men's names were similar too. There were a lot less Chaquita's and Formicha Dinettes back in those days. Lots of Mary's, Johns, Paul's, Peter in the bible but there is only one Judas.

We know what happens from all those animation specials right around the time of the festival of lights, right? Good. Let's cut to the chocolate scene.

Jesus speaks his truth and gets nailed to a cross for having another point of view that did not agree with the typical doctrine at that time.

Literally!

Three days on the cross and he's drinking vinegar all the time (which kinda tastes like Komboucha) and he is pulled down and put in a cave to rest for a few days.

Did he die on the cross?

What were his injuries?

Hands and Feet.

Life Threatening Doctor?

No.

So someone sees him die or lies and says that they said he was dead and they put him in that cave right over there. That one.

Still with me?

This is all theory now....and conspiracies are not my specialty, especially in the Bible. I have some serious opinions about that, but we are discussing this like musicians analyzing a music chart. You all have to be on the same chart before you can jam together. Especially if we are playing anything besides the blues.

Note: the blues requires very little skill. You need only 12 bars of music and three chords at the most. 1 = tonic + 4 = subtonic + 5 = dominate and back to 1 = root. The easiest music to play in the world, the hardest to intrepret because everyone must listen to each other when they play. That's why I hate to play the blues. I have had to listen all the worst musicians in the world butcher the worlds most simple form of music and smudge the sky with noise pollution.

With me?

Okay.

Imagine that Mary Magdala wasn't Jesus's Whore, but his friend. And what if she was in love with his brother who's name was Judas. And what after 2 days, not 3 that Judas and some of his friends helped Mary M. come up with a plan to save Jesus's life because he was really tired and it did take a lot of energy to stay up there on the cross drinking vinegar all day long and he really needed a nice long rest for a while.

What if Mary M. and Judas were lovers and she wasn't his brother's whore? What if the two conspired to relocate Jesus to India where he could meditate, pick-up some beautiful woman to spend the rest of his life meditating on a mountain top and talking to Krishna?

I mean, if Jesus is going on vacation and he just got nailed off a cross, and there were no Starbucks to visit to have a cup of coffee and gather your thoughts, what is he gonna do? They are living in the now so they can't visit the ruins since they were in pretty good shape back then and the pyrimids are always an option but it is so dusty there. Yes and how many camels do we have to get there darling? Oh no... let's go have some Tiki Masala and let's stop eating beef for a while. Let's see what happens when we meditate?

Sounds good then.

Then we are agreed.

Jesus packs his bags and on the 2nd day he leaves (after a long nap.)

Mary gets back to the cave, hires some guys on day 3, rolls back the stone and POOF!

He's gone!

Magic!

Where'd he go!

Hello? Jesus? You in there? Helllllllooooooooooo?

Crickets.

Let us agree then that Mary was the best psychic in the world and Judas was good but they really were just super attracted to each other and just wanted to do it all day long, but there was this other connection too...not just physical, but psychic too. And what if that really threw her for a loop? What if it stopped him dead in his tracks?

REincarnation...

But first: Then Mary and Judas agree that they are in love or they are twin spirits. Kindered spirits. Twin souls that happened to meet because of some circumstance that neither one expected and the more they denied that they were right for each other, then the stronger the frequency buzzing in the brain.

An actual physical reaction?

yes.

In the brain.

Science = Poetry in motion

Mary and Judas hook-up, cut their losses and move to Italy...or France...but I really think it was Italy.

There they have 3 daughters who have awesome powers of psychic abilities and the begin a new chain of command of psychic powers.

The power of 3...the 3 daughters are strong and are taught how to use the power they possess. And as we populate the earth, the number of souls incarnating increase and are required to be replenished to keep up with the number of bodies that Mankind is producing and things are growing along nicely at an easy pace and then all of a sudden mankind makes a discovery.

The steam engine.

Mankind masters machine and business starts to grow.

Good business means more money.

More money means fat happy people.

Fat happy people make more babies.

More babies to work in the factories.

Babies working everywhere.

People start to shop.

Women get some power back because of the war [here's where I'd insert Hitler, but I got another point to make, so we'll come back to Hitler another day]

Men die in WWII.

Millions of Jews die.

Women get stronger.

Women remember that they knew how to do stuff.

Women realize that men are terrible planners.

Women look around and say, "What the fuck happened here? I left this room 3 minutes ago and look at the mess you made?"

Mankind did not hear them.

Mankind taught themselves how to ignore the woman's voice.

So many women beaten by men.

How many men do you read about being beaten up by women in the news? Not as many, but it happens. I know that women are violent. I was raised in violence and carved in cedar walls 1000 times for help from god over and over and over and over and over again.

My violent beatings came from a woman.

A woman who seemed possessed by the devil.

Madness.

Insane.

Crazy-woman-talk.

Note: Women are not the only people on planet earth to speak crazy-talk. Native American warriors specialized in it. Their leader who was the best speaker was called "Crazy Horse". This is important for me to point out and I promise to speak more about Crazy Horse soon since I have spoken with him recently and he has a lot to say.

REmember the power of 3...it is strong.

Jesus + Mary + Judas = christianity? what did they really do, anyway? All their words got turned around, misunderstood and now look at the mess this planet was in...so much fighting and all they wanted to do was talk about love. What's the matter with love, anyway? And Jesus learned some incredible skills in India. He can meditate for days, no weeks, no YEARS on end!

Mary and Judas have kids but past performance predicts future performance. I learned that from Jan Vandervort...national all-star store team leader at Whole Foods Market 6 times and I studied under her for 3 years. I was he right hand. Why were we such a perfect fit? Because we read each other's mind. We had a super-strong spiritual connection...and there was some other connection there that was mixed between agression and passion. Both so similar....

Sorry, I promised not to digress but it is hard for me to go slowly since I have had this serious headache for like 3 months now....

Cut to modern day.

A woman gives birth to the world's most identical twins ever born. So identical are they that one time one of the twins was out on a boat and got knocked in the head so hard that the other one who was many miles away fell at the exact same time and banged her head so hard that she had a pool of blood in her brain. And the twin who was hit in the head so hard had no damage at all and the twin who wasn't hit ended up in the hospital and no one knew if she would even live. Teams of doctors came to see her because she did not receive a blow to the head and yet she fell with the force of the blow and it hit her so hard that she felt and experienced the incident.

It is a mystery how the twin connection works.

Imagine this now, and let us stay in agreement...please.

Imagine that this act was an act of god. And let us agree, just for the sake of argument, that the sister of those twins was god's most favorite child. It wasn't planned, it just happened that way. And for her to be god's most favorite child she had to make a deal and here's what she agreed to with God:
  • No more twin souls in the family. These people like to fornicate too much and we need to decrease the population to save the project.
  • Let's have the twins really learn to love each other which can be hard when the other is so opposite...light loving dark, hot loving cold, fast loving slow.
  • Let's get rid of the whole "soul mate" thing since there are way more good souls in women than in men and if we need to thin the herd, then we only need a few males to populate the world anyway and the sexual needs of men and women are so different. Men need sex daily, women bi-weekly or weekly or monthly or even yearly! (unless if you are me and then it is also daily.)
  • Lets agree that the one who spoke to god asked that the karma wheel be restored but not by having all the people relive all their pain, instead: let's create a karma team to clean it up. So every bad dead needs only one person to witness and draw attention to the bad karma and if one person get's it and changes their point of view then a new outcome could happen.
I know...I know...a lot of words. I am getting to the point. I am sorry if the details annoy you but I have learned, there are messages in all the words to someone. It may even be you.

Okay. Lets say there was one human being on earth who put the 3 together and studied like the worlds best student with krishna, christ and crazy horse. What do you get? A crazy woman!

No, really...what do you get when you combine the 3 philosophies together? An awesome concept to how we can change the path that our planet is going in...

So who should we invest in as the next savior? Why not pick a woman this time? Why not a whore? Let's reinvent Mary Magdala but let's be sure to include the arts this time.

And the dreams?

She gets messages in her dreams.

And the pain?

She gets messages in the pain.

And the laughter?

She gets messages in the laughter.

Maybe all this time she thought she was a leader but really she is a messenger?

And the point?

I am too tired to keep telling you this story. I haven't slept in 3 days and I got about 30 minutes of sleep last night and I had a terrible message and I am so tired, I haven't slept in days and all I've been really digesting is Komboucha.

And in this terrible dream I had last night there was a tumor in the brain. "...knocked him dead in his tracks..." is what I heard. I heard 3 names: Aaron. Eric. Sybil. What if at that moment she realized her worst fears were realized because her worst fear is that she was as violent as the mother and she always called her mother Sybil because you never knew what personality you would get when you got home and the beatings were so bad but what was even worse than the beatings was the sound of the twins being beaten. What if that was the real message? What if God didn't hear this most prescious child's call? What if God did let her do all the hard work and then just die? What if that is her path? A huge amount of talent and never recognized for what she contributes.

And you know what?

She doesn't want the recognition!

That is what Buck was for!!!

Pretty men need a lot of attention. That's why I don't date them. I need a thousand times more attention than them and that is why I have always preferred dating the mechanics, the janitors, the lay men of the world because they too knew what it was like to have their power stolen by the smiling devil. It's the blue eyes that give him away.

And what if all I really need is to somehow pack up all my shit, put it in storage, and pray that some strong men show up with beer and pizza because I am so fucking tired of all this shit and I don't care any more andn wouldn't it be so much easier if some asshole from whole foods would just marry me so I can have my insurance and discount because I am going to be terminated in 6 weeks and i have to pay for my cobra insurance and i think i have a tumor in addition to my PTSD and i have my 2 cats and i have to get my car back to the repo man and i gotta get the kitties to the vet and i have so much so much so much to do

And all i seem to be able to do is sit here and beg you to hear me?

Hitler Techniques...on track!

God Bless Adolf Hitler

What?!?!?!?

Note: nothing sexier than a pissed off jew....especially if he thinks he's being crucified!

Here, I'll say it again:

GOD BLESS ADOLF HITLER


Fighting words, I know...

Why would I type such a thing on such a beautiful morning while Billy Holiday is singing in the background of the Boca Raton Starbucks?

Adolf Hitler before sunrise?

Hang on now.... give me a second to gather my thoughts why I typed...

Here's something you might not know about me and my writing techniques: I hate to edit so I write it mostly perfect the first time, then when it comes time to edit all anybody has to do is fix a couple of type-O's, or do a little this and that, tweak a word here, tug a word there, pull a little with slight pressure...yes, tweaking really...

Tweak tweak...

Stop

Notice

Where's your mind right now?

Did you have a little dirty thought just by reading the word tweak? Isn't it a word that has been used for fixing things, we tweak a ____________ to fix the ____________?

What's happening in your body when you read the word tweak?

Do you notice something? Is it in your shoulder? Is your neck stiff, running pain down the arm, you want to stretch your neck but you can't and you know there is someone out there who sees exactly where you need to be touched but you don't know where she is and so you have to touch it yourself?

Filthy vixen whore...such dirty thoughts, already?

That's what my mother would say to me if she read that last paragraph.

That's what Karen thought I was because of how I behaved with Aaron.

Shit.

I said I wouldn't use his name and there I go...dropping the A-Bomb, just like Big Eddie and the F-Bomb, right before sunrise.

Hmmmm....

Good point....

Will Aaron be mad?

I doubt it...he's not too smart and I don't think he's even online at all. Plus he doesn't have my new blog website address since I created it to be viewed by invitation only and you had to email me personally to get the link and he and I aren't linked together, we only worked together for a couple of months at Whole Foods....

Note: I have worked for Whole Foods for 5 years now and have been out on a medical leave treating a disease that no one can see but everybody knows I have...sometimes it is call insanity but in today's society we call it Post Tramatic Stress Disorder or PTSD. Part of my healing practice is to write every day...doctor's orders, really. So it was bound to come out that I was out sick but my doctors won't release me to return to work yet and my sister is having open-heart surgery on _________. We don't know because we're still trying to find the surgeon and get the operating room booked but we know for sure she's going in the hospital again before Valentine's Day so that's why I'm headed to Seattle.

All of that being said, please take all of my writings as whatever... but remember that I am a terrible liar. That is a true statement. You can ask my mother because she can smell a liar 1 million miles away...no body gets past her...the real black widow...

I digress...but it is connected....

Aaron. I repeated a patter with Aaron and that is what I am looking at really, not Rolland. But Rolland is a clue to find the one who can fulfill my desires. And the truth of the matter is that I have dated every Doctor, Lawyer, Professor, Scientist, Contractor, Real Estate Mogul, Entrepreneur (I dated one guy just last month who was worth millions and millions of dollars and had not one but 2 companies and he flew his 3 dogs out here in a private jet when he missed him! I am not making this shit up! My taste and selections have awesome power!) I mean, for real, how many more men do I have to date before finding my man?

Nobody hates hearing me type words like that more than me...it is so shallow....so sex in the city...so much fluff. But hear me out, I've got a point here.

I pull back, rise above the situation and look at this attraction to a front end supervisor from a different point of view. What are the job duties of the supervisor? Watch over the money. Make sure it all goes into the bank and that we are on track.

That's the idea I'm attracted to because I am a weak woman who loves to shop. It's true. I am a shopping whore and men love and hate that quality about women. They like it because they feel powerful when they can afford to buy us something beautiful, shiny, pretty...because that's how they feel about us. They see us and see pretty shiny objects.

I loved how shiny Rolland thought I was...the way his eyes followed me around the store and ladies, can I have a witness right now before I TELL YOU THE NEXT TRUTH?

AMEN SISTER...KEEP GOING!

THANK YOU SISTER!

FACT: THERE IS NO BETTER FEELING IN THE WORLD THAN WHEN A MAN YOU ARE SO ATTRACTED TO FINALLY NOTICES YOU AND GIVES YOU THE ONCE-OVER WHILE YOU ARE STANDING THERE NAKED AND THEY LET YOU KNOW THAT THEY LIKE WHAT THEY SEE!!! THE ONCE-OVER DRIVES ME WILD!!!

AMEN AMEN AMEN
A MAN A MAN A MAN

wHOOO! Oh yeah....alright now...calm down sister....

My Mother has a lot of theories about men and all of them are hilarious! She's a fucking laugh riot! For example, my mother told my sister, the one with the bad heart, that Indian men (the real guys from India) kick their wives out of bed in the United States when their mother visits from India and he sleeps with her when she is in town in the marital bed!

I laughed so hard when she said this!!! HILARIOUS!! I mean really? Kick the wife out to replace her with the mother?

Anne told Apu (sorry but I cannot spell aroge? what's his name? know that I use the Simpson's reference only because I do not remember...) this story right before his mother came over from India and he about shit his pants laughing! I mean come on!!! A grown man sleeping with his mother? What if the only good night's sleep he can get is when he is in his mother's arms? What if the mother has enough strength for him to finally rest, for just a little while...what if she brings some mercy to his tired brain?

Indian men are so fucking smart.

whoops...I promised I wouldn't judge until I was finished....

Yeah, he was a supervisor....where all the money is....

And he wasn't my first supervisor that I've fallen in love with...there have been 3 total, 2 in Boca Raton and the 3rd in Ft. Lauderdale....

The first supervisor of monies that I fell in Love with was named ROLLAND

WARNING: Just thinking about Rolland drives me wild...just looking at his name so I might get a little out of control while thinking about another man, but it is just fantasy and no body gets hurt and I took a vow of celibacy many, many years ago and have held steadfast in my quest to having a reborn pussy, so let's see what my endurance is like for a little while, okay? I mean really men...haven't you had enough orgasams for a while? What about my needs? What if I want my needs met first this time?

What if what if what if what if what if what if......

What if I talk about all this sex stuff just to keep you interested, Aaron? What if all of this is just to capture your heart? What if I am willing to do anything to.....

But you already know....you know what a liar I am.

TIME PRINT
6:54 AM
STARBUCKS
BOCA RATON, FL


Wow.

Close call

Let me pull back a little and let's slow this down....and how did I get there from Adolf Hitler?

Rolland, the sexiest black man in Boca Raton.

Wait kids, what does Capitan Obvious have to say about Rolland?

Capitan Obvious says that isn't too hard to be, the fairest in the land when you are living in Boca Raton. There are black men here, but most of them are retired sports figures and those kinds of guys all look the same to me.

Let's get a visual first and then let's judge:

Rolland: 6'2" 220 more ore less but really strong body like an awesome soccer star...swift and graceful and he is from Jamaca....ooooh lalalalalalalalaaaaaaaaaa

Here's what sucks about my life...I was raised by a racist who hates black men. And let me tell you nothing pisses me off more than someone passing judgment before they have all the facts in front of them...please just consider another option before you decide no blacks allowed because when you see Rolland through my sister Anne's eyes, you're gonna fall in love too!

And what if I am in love with a white man with a black soul?
Then what?
Huh?

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Gianni and Frequency

I've been hanging out with a new guy, Gianni.

He's such a cutie-pie. You're gonna love him.

He's from Italy and speaks lots of languages. He is really smart and he loves purely.

He has such a beautiful soul that sometimes when we're talking, we hit this point of gazing into each other's eyes that I drift away to another place. I feel when I am with him that I can feel his life-force...it is intoxicating. Addictive, really.

He is a vegan. One of the first dates he invited me on was a group thing where we went out for dinner from this thing he organized on Meetup.com

Note:
Rogue Wave

Fantasies.....
That's what I'm listening too right now...

Gianni invited me to his vegetarian dinner knowing that I was a recovering vegetarian and that I was a bad vegetarian when I was one because I never gave up BACON!

Bacon...sweet buttery bacon....my favorite fruit...my favorite vegetable...just like Homer Simpson, I crave my bacon with butter and syrup.

We speak in code, men and women.

Especially when we want to talk about sex...

Or need to talk about sex...

Gianni is a strict vegan and his reasons for his choice are inspired by a cartoon image.

TIME PRINT
02/03/08
8:35 AM
STARBUCKS
FTL, FL

Notice this moment...

He has put restrictions or controls on his life based on an image that not only is not real but it is a reason that he hasn't even realized from childhood that was imprinted on his brain in a cartoon image.

Maybe that's why I love hanging around watching cartoons all day long playing video games.

I warned Gianni before he get involved with me that I was a 23 year old guy...his worst fear.

His worst fear sounds kinda like this...this is in his head, okay? So I'm using Gianni's words and experiences to move this energy, this bad programing...because I learn everything from television....

Gianni's fear says, "My personal development has been stunted here at age 23. I sit around watching cartoons, smoking weed all day, wasting time, lazy, playing video games and wasting my life away. What the fuck are you doing with your life?"

Ouch!
Harsh!
So brutal
And all this anger from a beautiful man who I love to be with...how can the think this about himself when I sit here witnessing all his glory? His beauty? His being?

How is it possible?

Is it true?

I don't know so I ask again,

"Is that true Gianni?"

No.

I do not believe it.

That's a technique that Bryon Katie uses. She has this awesome technique that uses the questioning process to look at your demons.

Personally, I hate this technique since my mother has an inquisitive mind and always asks so many questions, that I learned not to ask any questions until I understood more...so I practiced not on people, but myself...I too started questioning all my thoughts...because don't feelings start after the thought happens?

And honestly, this is Karen's specialty and she is either gonna have to post about it or we'll be on the air soon....I see us taking our "Free Advice" van on the road. I've already got my mechanic looking for our perfect VW Bus to head back into the desert...but that won't be until May or so...sometimes I'm pretty bad with dates, but it's gonna work. I feel it in my body.

I digress...where was I?

Karen, yes...beautiful Karen Sevenoff. I can't wait until you meet her. She's such a beauty! But be aware: You will fall in love with her...and then what will you do? And sometimes people think she is crazy and you know how other people's words bother you...so just know that now, m'kay?

Okay.

To talk to my girlfriend Karen Sevenoff visit her website:

http://www.karensevenoff.com

Watch out! She's an artist and be aware when you visit her website. Her art and beauty will lull you into her trap. She's a vixen man-eater and she admits to putting teeth in her vagina, but she only tried it once. So, go at your own risk. And she is hilarious. You'll have a blast!

Karen made my beautiful wallet which protects my money and she made my first speaking choker which I am now wearing as I type. Her art is so beautiful and I am rich for just knowing her. I am prosperous because her crafts are on my possession and her love surroundings me protecting me at all times everywhere I go.

And the point is?

Gianni gets turned on by food and I keep trying to talk to him about it and help him accept his perversion, if it really is that. I told him I'm willing to fuck a grapefruit for him if that is what it takes to turn him on. Don't understand yet? You will...if you need help, please review "NAKED MAN TRILOGY"

Why is Gianni a vegan? I don't know really, I haven't asked him...but what he tells the world on his website is that he is a Vegan because of Daffy Duck...or Donald or Cold...I don't remember exactly, but I do know that it was inspired by a duck and it was a cartoon, so it wasn't Cold Duck...yes, it was either Daffy or Donald.

Let's say it was Donald Duck, but I really think it might be Daffy...please accept my acknowledgment that sometimes I forget some of the specific details and I will always tell you when I do not remember exactly.


Cartoons programing children minds? Imprinting their souls? That sounds like an awesome conspiracy theory posting that I hope to write very soon! I love conspiracy theories! Ask anyone about me and they'll tell you that for sure about me!

Gianni, Gianni, Gianni...what am I trying to say here?

It couldn't be something about self-judgment could it? Gianni's programming is about self-judgment that was input during childhood development? Sounds brutal! Horrid!

That would be cruel! To program a child without allowing the baby develop until it reaches full development...why not allow that to happen and then offer choices so the baby can choose wisely....like in Radier's of the Lost Arc...or was that the 2nd one with Sean Connery....no, the 2nd one sucked....yes it was the 3rd one with the cliffs like the Anasazi Indians.

Note:
Here's the link to read more about the Anasazi Indians...fascinating stuff really. [wink wink!]

http://www.blm.gov/co/st/en/fo/ahc/who_were_the_anasazi.html#who

Think about it:
To program a child while the brain is underdeveloped so the image stays, the words change and the baby acts out the image it cannot interpret anymore because it is beyond the 5 years of development.

That moment in time of programming...what was he looking at? Was he eating a banana while watching Daffy Duck? Is that what caused him to choose to be a vegetarian? Who would want to eat a banana while watching Daffy Duck? What's the real message?

I think it's about SEX...just like Howard Stern Says....that's why he's always got on strippers because he knows it is during the childhood development that the obsession with sex happens...right? Imprinted at an early age?

Poor Gianni....

I mean, I am sure there is someone out there who is as into having sex with fruits and vegetables as there are who want to dress up like women and fuck men or put on a dildo and do something else...I mean really. Does it matter who wears what in the porn world?

Aren't we just talking about costumes for the enjoyment of the same act?

Missionary position?

Gianni...my dearest, have I pushed your buttons yet?

Yes?

No?

Dearest God hear my prayer....
Beloved, it is my intention that I move the energy of the imprinting and use Gianni as an example but for his mercy, may I be wrong. May he not wear the face of childhood molestation. May that energy be somewhere else and moved as needed. Don't we live in a community and don't we all contribute to improve the whole? Dearest God, this is what I require: I require the energy to joyfully make mistakes about identifying personal problems and still move the chi without causing any public humilation. May all my words written today be absolutely wrong about Gianni so he never faces his demons in public. Thank you God so much for bringing him into my life, to teach me this lesson...in my body. Because the beautiful gift you have brought to me in the being called Gianni, is one of a messenger. Reminding me to be clear but loving with my message. Hurt no one. No prisioners. NO hostages. No casualties. I promise to stop right before the bleeding...I pay attention to the colors and will read the skies for your messages. Thank you thankyouthankyouthankyou.....Ashey. Namasta.

Communication...it always comes back to that...

Cameron and I have a great relationship about talking about sex, but it came up because he agreed to "mind-fuck" me...and it came at the perfect time too...I was really gonna lose it! Thanks Cam! Cameron was my last partner...he's still resting from our last date. I have a high frequency for Mind-Fucking!

This is what Gianni and I argue about: My Frequency Needs

He always wants me to be eatting, and anything. He's always trying to feed me and I don't want his food, but I keep eating only fruits and vegetables...what he craves. I asked him to take me out to Ruth Chris steak house for a 32 oz porter house steak on Friday night....and you know what I also asked him to do for me? PAY.

yes, I asked a vegan to take me to Ruth Chris Steak HOuse because I need to eat some fucking meat because I've been RAW for like weeks on end and my body craves some meat....sausage. That's what I want...a nice hot spicy sausage.

But Bacon is my demon.

Not Sausage.

Gianni's demon: the banana.

And you know what the vegan did when I made this outrageous request that he sit there across from me? Believe me, I tempted him good too...I put on a nice outfit...he knew he was going to see me so he was dressed nice too...he looked good and I told him so too. And I made my request painting all the details with words so he could see him sitting across from me in a dark wooden booth, so private, me all in black...did I have on a skirt? Oh yeah...always do...so much more freedom in a skirt, so provocotive...and the shoes? Heals. silver shoes. She's so tall...and where were you? Gianni? Sitting across from me...yes, what are you drinking? Beer? No. i don't like beer...I love red wine....mmmmmmm...yummy. Chote du Rhone? Sure. You pick, you have such a great palate...

And he and I go on...shall I continue?

Should I continue to the part where I ask the VEGAN TO WATCH ME EAT A STEAK?

Is it possible he would be that strong?

I painted this picture for my new lover Gianni....and you know what he did?

He said yes.

He said he'd take me out for dinner, feed me a steak as rare as I want and the vegan would sit and watch not eating a bite but enjoying a beautiful glass of red wine....

My brass panty days may have changed their tune....maybe I traded in my brass panties for sexy boy panties....

Mindfucking...

My addiction.

Poor Gianni...

another soldier lost.


See...you gotta be strong to mate with the black widow. IT takes a strong man who can face his demons and look them in the eye before he can sit down at the conference table and come to some sort of mediation/agreement before moving forward.

How many men must I help before I find my mate?

I walk here holding a mirror to reflect the beauty that my lover possess back into my own eyes but only through his reflection because it is how he sees me that I know I am beautiful. IT is through his words that I confirm my beauty exists in the body. Words are powerful. But isn't the feeling powerful too?

Hmmmmm

CHECK

NOTE: Check is a term used in Chess for hang on a minute. I need to think if I am still in a position I want to be in...should I try to win? Should I see what all my options are? Do I even want to continue this game? Should I let him win just so I can move on to do something else? I love chess but I always loose. I am a terrible player.

I am the world's best looser.

Smile!

I accept this role with glee!

Okay Gianni....you're gonna have to tell me face to face how you feel and I know I'll see you tomorrow at Dr. Paul's office and I'll go by Whole Foods afterwards, around noon or one and I'm gonna reflect on what's happened and what you will say to me tomorrow, because I know that I need to learn from you. You teach me beauty You gave me the courage to tell you that I found you attractive and you did nothing when I told you how I felt.

Don't you understand?

That was exactly what I needed.

Your non-response had happened to me before and I needed to just sit in the unknown pondering my being before an answer presented itself to me.

Kudos!

WELL DONE!

Please know that your courage has inspired me...I am the cowardly lion and I look for courage/strength every day since I am really a weak woman trapped in amazon form...but I got on a lot of shiny objects to keep you distracted...I speak the truth.

Gianni, my love:
I love you. Thank you for pushing me. You have no idea what your small move has done to me. Your tiny jesture has given me the courage to move on with my life. See, when I'm afraid, I freeze. I just stand there...or sit there... frozen in time....so much so that I do not realize that a whole 3 1/2 hours has passed...that's how much time we spent together on our first bonding.

Do you remember that night Gianni?

You told me about your experiences in the circle and we shared and made an agreement.

TIME PRINT
02/03/08
8:58 AM
STARBUCKS
FTL, FL

Note to Gianni: review all arrangements you make in document form except those deeds which involve your soul. Never put your soul in writing...remember what happened to Bart Simpson when he sold his soul for $5 to Millhouse? Took him 23 minutes to get it back...with time for commercial breaks it took 30 minutes for the world to see what happened to him.

Gianni...learn from Bart.

Enter all agreements with open eyes!

Okay, I know I need to make ammends my beloved so tell you what...after my treatment tomorrow, I got to Whole Foods and buy you lunch and deliver it to you and feed you on the roof top garden...for as long as you want...anything you want to eat but it can only be fruits and vegetables. Plus...vegetarians taste so much better....

Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

And all is well in the world.

Mission accomplished.

Okay boys, capture that soul. It's tranquilized. Let's box it up in a poem and send it to its rightful owner.

Time to go find Crazy Horse....

Maybe he's in Las Vegas?

कार्पोरेट स्पोंसोर्शिप इदास

Time Print

I have had many revelations about my writing in the last 24 hours. I haven't slept in days and I've only been eating raw foods except for an occasional red stripe or two....I've been sleeping in little spurts.

I know what this is since I've been on vision quests before...with John Two Birds.

Owl Hawk.

There is much to learn from the animals if only we become the scientist and observe their behavior. It is so obvious and yet there are many veils covering our eyes and we are slowly revealing the layers, one by one...

Owl teaches us to ask the question, of who....who is calling? Who is it?

Hawk carries many messages including rise above your situation...spirit is calling. Are you home?

I am changing how I write and I want to introduce a few techniques I've created along the way...You'll notice them because I'll bring your attention to them, to teach you what to look for.

It's hard to observe animals without a field guide.

So maybe I'll look at my writings as a scientist examining man kind...really, I'm looking for kindness and I am the last one who believes it still exists...a noble quest.

I digress.

Here are the facts:

I write out of order, so if you want to read something of mine, pick it from the title on the side there...you don't have to read it in order.

time prints are moment that I have epiffianies or when I want to make a point. They remind me of my mother because she taught me over and over and over again to cover my ass. Document everything and it is because of her that I am free enough to sit in a Starbucks at 7:30 AM listening to the blues having a hot cup of coffee loving my life...so I do a time print to honor my mother for her wisdom. And to have some proof because I think I'm getting ready to rattle a few cages...

My desire is to only rattle my cage....

The cage only gets rattled a couple of times and then it stops and we are at a new, deeper place.

Thus the time print....

To remember our progress.

02/03/08
7:34 AM
Starbucks
FTL, FL

Here are a few other things I am willing to do.

I am willing to write everyday at the same time especially when under extreme duress.

I will allow the world to witness my insanity. May it be used as a gauge to measure your own sanity.

If you see me, say hello. I live on another plane a lot of the time these days and if you don't wave a shiny object in front of my eyes, like your smile, then I won't see you. Please let me know that you see me.

All criticism against my writing must be done in public. I hate criticism and do not respond well to it at all. Feel free to call my references and ask about that...I have a temper. All kitties do.

Study the lion and the fish. I am both.

Accept that I see your beauty in all men and sometimes my cravings for you are so strong I do not know what to do and so I meditate and pray for guidance that you will find me and bring me back home to the warm tranquil waters from whence it came.

Oh, and remember that I come from a crazy family. I will only speak about my sisters up to a point....I will not humiliate my sisters, they have paid their fare and I'm picking up the rest of the tab. I got it covered for them.

And I like to leave a big tip.

Message Received!

Wow! Thank you Anne!!!

Exactly what I needed...a boundary.

Okay.

Let me sit here for a moment and think because I believe I owe you an apology and I want to preserve our connection because I love you so much...forever, and I know you know that so already I feel much calmer.

Dearest God, Please bless and protect my sister during this most stressful of times...serious health issue. Life and Death. Forgive me for my impulsive behavior. I can see how my impulse caused me to reveal something very private about you and I am so sorry. I vow to never do it again. God, guide me to walk in truth and beauty just like Rob Brezney but with corporate sponsorship like Starbucks since I'm always in their coffee shops anyway and I doubt if I will ever be able to support myself again because I might be crazy, but that is besides the point. I truly will not violate this again. I did it once before and felt terrible. I did it again and I see how I hurt my beloved. I promise to never do it again, and I feel in my body the truth that I will not violate any person's secrete again. Amen. Namasta.

Anne, I would like to share a story about you and I promise to not go too far. I know your boundaries and your secrets and I trust you will tell me when I have gone too far, since you have done so once and know what it feels like. I will not make the same mistake for a 3rd time.

I hope you will trust me to share a story on how you have inspired me...it involves something that I found at Mom's house this past December.

Mom is cleaning out her house and she has 3 piles of stuff in our old bedroom...one for each girl. The rule is that you have to go pick up your stuff and she's got some funny, funky shit I really want, but I can't tell her yet.

I digress.

Mother is so manipulative. I learn from the best, you know.

Anyway, Mom shows me some of the stuff in Anne's pile and I really wanted to get it and bring it or mail it to her...but no. Mom's rule is you gotta go to the house and pick-up your own shit. It really is a good rule but it is kinda pain. Harrisburg PA ain't no Disney Land.

But Hershey Park is only a couple of miles away. And isn't chocolate way better than cartoon rodents? I'd much rather dance with a Mr. Peanut bar than Goofy...well, I might dance with Goofy, but only if I can have a chocolate bar at the same time.

Rules are good.

Mother knows best.

So where am I going with all of this today?

Boundaries.

Message received.

I was waiting for the sign I needed on how to proceed and it just appeared. That's how things have been working for me, for a while now. And since I have had so much happening, I am just enjoying the goodness when it happens....kinda like the Secret but without all the new-age bullshit.

Anne's comments hit me where I have been sitting with my writings. What are my boundaries?
How far am I willing to go? Do I have to slit a throat just to watch him die, or do I know before I make the first cut that he will die right. Do I choose to slice his throat?

Share a secret and tell it to the world?

Luckily, no one is really reading my blog anyway and Anne, I'll go edit it out tomorrow if not later today. I won't humiliate you in public. I know what that feels like.

Time Print:
02/03/08
7:04 AM
Starbucks
Broward Blvd
Ftl FL



Note: Anne, I just removed that thing that upset you. I guess I was afraid to tell you that I think I need to write about sex...and talk about sex. Because I think sex is the root of a lot of these problems and I need to do it publicaly because I believe I am onto something. IT goes all the way back to Adam and Eve and in my insanity, I can see clearly...just like Eckhart Tolle.
I really hope you do forgive me and I promise not to go that far with you again. I love you too much and I know how fragile your heart is...but I see how strong it is. Thank you for telling me your limits. I'll be there soon.

New Rule:

I get to talk about sex
I get to write about sex
I get to have sex
I get to be the one obsessed with sex for a little while

Only here's the thing...

No man can touch me

Except one

But he's gotta be a big, strong man...strongest of them all...and I'm looking for him. I got his scent so I'm following his tail...he's got a nice ass...

I write narrative non-fiction...so how do I tell my stories and not humiliate my lovers in public? See, if you have ever failed on stage...as I have (or so I remember) there is nothing more humiliating than being booed off or rejected by the masses. Not fun. very humiliating.

How do I know?

Oh, the kids at school can be so cruel...but it was great practice!

So, I don't want to reveal my true lover for 3 reasons:

1) He's very shy
2) He's oh so sexy...
3) He is incredibly jealous

He knows I gotta write about this stuff, so we've been working on some rules and here's what we've come up with...

I can write about sex but I cannot use his name at all. I can describe our experience but I cannot put his face on it because it is not his story. He is a brilliant actor/musician/writer/poet so he is willing to act out the scene, only if necessary. I cannot reveal his identity. That's his secret.

Agreed.

Time Print:
02/03/08
7:15 AM
Starbucks


You are no one; no names, but I can call you anything I want. You know how I love to call you my beloved anyway, so I can live with this restriction. It is good for me and perhaps things will change. I am willing to sit still here and see what happens.

Whew! This is good news. I am glad we have come to an agreement because I have been born again and I have to tell my story.

I am a born again virgin.

It's true.

Wait until you see me...

Things have already changed!

I've already planted the seed...things are in motion.

Okay, I have clarity now...I can write from my heart and truthfully and I will not use my beloved's name and only he will know in his body when I am writing about him and I will call him by many names but it is only his body I crave. It is his touch that I desire. It is only him who I want.

That is my wish.

And so it is...

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Reply to Posts


Anne, my sister, has been a faithful poster of comments on my blog. Thank you Anne for reading and writing comments. I really need the feedback!


I hear what you're asking me below and I want to really reply to it thoughtfully, because I do have some thoughts about homosexuality, porn, sex and men. But I don't know if your heart can take the discussion....

How about this as a boundary for me, since I've got a few balls in the air right now:

I need to get home and get ready for my storage containers to be delivered today. I'm not sure if they will be dropping one pod or two and I have to decide to keep my couches or put them out for trash...which would be too bad since they are really beautiful, but I'm okay with replacing them too...

My point is that I need to get going, no tme to write today...but maybe you want to deepen your opinion on your blog and I'll ready it, review my thoughts and reply tomorrow?

Only if you feel up to it...and please don't type with a tube down your throat....the words won't be able to get out!

http://ansapo.blogspot.com/

Stay strong sister and if you're up for a discussion online, so am I! Especially if we get to talk about ssex...._______________________[edited to restore peace]!

Ooops.

See, I need a visit from Cameron. He and I talk about sex and I miss him. I could try it with Gianni, but I don't know if he's ready. He gets angry even when I just mention porn, how will he be if I want to discuss porn.

This is where I need Dr. Dave.

Dr Dave is the psychatrist who thinks I am crazy but he is addicted to porn and sleeping with woman who made one of his patients crazy!

Poor Dr Dave. Oh well...

I digress...see, this has been my state of mind lately....digression. Anyway, gotta go move some stuff....I hope I find a big strong strapping man to help me today. I can barely lift my water bottles, how will I be able to move my couches?

Anne, I love you.

People, keep praying! I'm gonna make it to Seattle before the operation....I'll keep you all posted from the Starbucks in the hospital and there are lots of great shops to walk to on First Hill which will be nice to visit for a little break from the smell of a hospital room...I"m really looking forward to being in Seattle.

I'll do anything for my sisters.

Remember that, okay?

Leonard, thank you so much for the poetry reading tonight and fund raiser. I wrote a beautiful new poem I would love to read to you as a thank you for when I return on your birthday. If you were able to raise $1, then we are on our way to $250,000. I do not know what I ever did to deserve you. I love you forever.

If you would like to make a donation to my sister Anne's medical expenses, please contact one of my true loves of my life, Leonard Kannapell at:

kannapell@yahoo.com

Leonard is a rocket scientist, or at least that's what I think about him, and he is a mountain climbing. He is porn is poetry...oh, he's a gymnast too so his body is really tone because of pillates...so sexy....he's really a hottie but he just can't help it so I love him anyway. What I love most about him is that we were able to date and end the relationship and remain friends. OH sure, we had to sneak around sleeping with each other on the sly since he had a girlfriend he was living with for like 6 years. She hated me! She knew but never knew exactly where he was before he came home....oh, I've been quite a sneaky vixen.

Anyway, no matter how I look, Leonard loves me and I know it in his heart. We have a beautiful connection. I always wanted all my girlfriends to sleep with him and when Cindy finally did, she felt so much better! But she can't look me in the eye since she feels guilty.

but I don't care. I know how much she needed it so my needs are fulfilled.

Anyway...I'm sure Anne that this is drivile and meaningless to you....don't get too hooked to the morphine drip. Big Eddie won't let you have it for that long!





"Nothing to Say"




1 Comment - Show Original Post

Blogger ansapo said...

This makes no sense to me. "Through the eyes of a woman, a man can see". This lets men off the hook for their actions and puts the burden on women. It doesn't take gay men and women into effect.

January 30, 2008 12:18 PM

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