Big Eddie is out of town and the Starbucks vibe is in restful recovery. Charles Mingus taunts me with polytonal chords set to rhythmic counter-time and I am in a blissful state of being. This is the time when god can be heard.
No grinding of beans.
No steaming of milk.
No frapping of cino.
Simply bliss.
Deep breath in and I see beauty.
Deep breath out and I am beauty.
Deep breath in and I see love.
Deep breath out and I am love.
Ashey. Namaste.
There are no men here today and so I thought I'd share some of my latest thoughts and what I'm looking at in my world.
Completion, endings, finishing of tasks, ending of cycles, releasing of old beliefs.
Society preaches to finish what you start. Wisdom says stay in touch with God and trust what you need to know will appear.
Both ideals are great but they do not always work hand-in-hand and it takes much consciousness to combine both philosophies successfully. The blending of allowing the ending to unfold naturally and gracefully rather than pushing the ending to happen...because is there really an ending at all? In relationships for example, when two spirits are connected, intertwined for all of eternity, how long is 20 years? Is earth time equal to spiritual time?
No.
It is the cycle of behavior that must be changed and to do so you must have awareness of what the behavior is to know what to change...that's why you need to rise above the obvious to see what is happening from a different perspective...you must witness the ideal or see what is happening to you from a higher awareness. In Native American teachings it would be identified with the Hawk. The teachings say that Hawk is calling from a higher awareness or consciousness. To rise above the drama of the present situation and listen to the higher-self. It is when you are able to witness what you are who you are, what you are doing and watch the choices you are drawn to rather than the choices you want to make.
It takes silence to rise to this level. You must stop the chatter of daily life. When the chatter arises, I watch where my natural choices are and I feel to see if they still fit. Does that red shirt still look good on me? Do I really like the way my coffee tastes or does it need more cream? Less milk? Sugar? I am looking at each choice in each moment and bringing consciousness to daily life. I ask myself questions, seeing if the response feels true and then accepting my new likes and dislikes. I stay in observations and consciously feel my responses. It is from making these choices from a higher perspective that evolution can happen.
This practice is like yoga for the brain. I breathe into my brain to expand its possibilities. I push my old beliefs on all subjects to see what the response feels like in my body. By expanding the ideas and beliefs, breathing deeply into the old visions and pushing it to a higher level is like cleaning out a closet. It is clearing space. For example, in my closet I owned 12 black ribbed tank tops. Do I really need 12 black ribbed tank tops?
No.
Why did I have so many then?
My forgetting that I owned many black ribbed tank tops while I glided through the store, mindlessly adding another black tank top to the shopping cart added to my recent bankruptcy. My mindlessly wandering around Target contributed to the bankruptcy $6.49 each time it was thoughtlessly tossed the comforting basket. And it wasn't just the black tank tops...I had a stack of red tank tops, and white ones, and purple and yellow ones and I had so many tank tops!. I repeated this lesson over and over until I owed thousands of dollars of debt.
Shopping without awareness. Such a shame. So wasteful. So humiliating. Embarrassing really. Then sitting in those emotions, seeing where they feel in my body and then finally releasing them so I am able to have compassion, love, acceptance of the wants and feelings of this body until it reaches a point where the cycle is now broken.
And that cycle is now broken.
There is a shift. Exhilarating shift. Good stuff.
We are creatures of habit and routine. Looking at my daily habits has taught me how to end the 'self-sabotaging' cycle which naturally creates a more abundance and love in the present moment.
All the beautiful alcoholics know this..you gotta hit the lowest point before you can rise from the Phoenix. Alcoholics pay attention to the messages the human body sends. It is obvious and easy to witness. For instance, the physical signs of alcoholism are: vomiting, black-outs, hang-overs, mysterious bruises, fights, restraining orders, bourbon at breakfast, and on and on and on. Drama is a clue. So much drama in alcoholism. I've behaved in the same way as an alcoholic in relationships. Watching your own behavior like it were on a video screen is really helpful to see who you are and to witness the emotions. It is hard because the self-criticism can be quite distracting. That is why it is important to stay fully present.
Allowing the space for change is what is critical. With so many distractions around, it is easy to want to only play with the shiny objects. Drama is the shiny object in daily life. Daily life without consciousness puts us in a constant state of shock or numbness. Either we are feeling everything...overwhelmed. Or we are feeling nothing...numb.
Do not fall prey to to shiny objects that are being waved in front of your eyes. TV is a great shiny distraction. Sometimes it is perfect, but do you need to watch 4 hours of it everyday? Some days, yes! Most days, No! Look at the distractions you are creating that are preventing the pathway to healing.
Natural healing.
So that is what I've been doing when I am not with Big Eddie and the Men. This process has allowed me to have more creative time which is another way for me to move the energy. For instance, this morning after my meditation, I sat with the idea of completion and my relationship to the Harry Potter books.
I am finally finishing the last book in the series and have found myself not very interested in what happens at the end of this book. I am interested in what happens after the book. And I leave you today with some possible book titles for the future Harry Potter series.
Harry Potter and the Filthy Whore
Harry Potter and the Angry Pimp
Harry Potter and the Itchy Crotch
Harry Potter and the Denied Insurance Claim
Harry Potter and the Awkward Phone Call
Harry Potter and the Debilitating Shame
Harry Potter and the Fifth of Vodka
Well, you can see where this is going. It doesn't look so good for Harry Potter. It is hard to follow-up childhood success with more success.
To my soul, my hope for the next chapter in Harry Potter's life be called:
Harry Potter in the Land of Bliss.
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