Matters of the Heart

"My wife says to me, 'Here's the good and bad news, at the same time.' " Ed says to the group. They hang on his every word waiting for him to continue.

"She says, 'At least your penis is bigger than all your friends.' " and he laughs like I've never heard laughter before.

We're all in stitches hearing the ultimate compliment and insult that a woman can give a man.

Wiping his eyes, Eddie says, "Seriously, if it were my wife for real, she'd tell me that after fucking all you losers that my dick is the smallest! No Shit!" The room stays laughing because he's right. I've met Big Eddie's bride and she is one tough rocker-chick from Philadelphia. You don't mess with dat!

Big Ed turns 43 tomorrow. He behaves as if he's 65. The baristas and I are surprised at his youth. He doesn't look old but his approach to life is very wise. Wisdom does not require age but it is easier to receive with gray hair.

Says he's headed up to upstate New York to visit a relative in prison. He's gotta do that for another 8 years or so until Uncle Jack is out.

"Don't cry for Uncle Jack." he says, "He's the only prisoner who gets 2 weeks vacation every year."

He says its because of Uncle Jack that he's able to have such a good life in Florida. In the deal Jack cut, Ed had to leave the North East so he came to Florida and got his shit together. I can tell he misses the NY area...Ed lights up talking about the North East and it is clear he is very much looking forward to this trip. It is so obvious how deeply this man loves. He joyfully embraces his family obligations.

Wheeling and dealing are in his blood and Eddie is good at it. He's into construction now. His henchmen are all clean and sober...they have filthy mouths but they're sober.

And they are so close to the edge....

"I heard ________ got shot the other night in some parking lot. You hear 'bout that?" Mr. Mark said. He's Big Ed's right hand in the group. He'll make sure everyone shows up for coffee while Ed's out of town.

"I don't know nothing 'bout it. I don't know nothing 'bout no shootings." says Big Eddie. "End of story."

I believe you Eddie.

"I saw my buddy on COPS this weekend." says Gino.

"I miss seeing my relatives on TV." Ed replies smiling, remembering his past. "It's fun to see what they're up to and what's going on."

"Yeah, this buddy of mine is still drunk but his wife was beating him up and it was her they was arresting!" Gino tells.

"Did he have any clothes on?" Dave the landscaper asks. A good question too since it is fun to watch cops with a bottle of tequila and have a shot every time you see a naked guy. A good way to get drunk!

"Barely, but he did have his shorts on...still drunk. Oh well. He was fun." Gino remembers. I think he really had a blast with that guy until he shacked up with that bitch.

"Hey, listen up. I'm headed to my grandmother's on Thursday and I'm gonna be fat and happy for a while." Ed says to the group.

"You'll freeze your nuts off!" Dave the landscaper says.

"Fuck you. She got a wood burning stove. I'm gonna be fat and happy." Ed declares.

I feel you Ed. I know that excited feeling about returning home and seeing friends and family. And knowing that you'll be warm even if it is cold and rainy outside.

I'm headed to Seattle for a long while. Seattle is where my family and home are and I'm going there to help my sister's heart heal. Only a woman committed would choose to leave the beautiful warm year-long summer of South Florida for the cold, gray, overcast skies Seattle in February...and it feels great to do so. There is much healing for me in Seattle for my heart too.

Anne is getting a valve job...it's a big operation and there is hope that we can choose a different approach which will not require the surgeon to split open her chest, separate her rib cage, extract her heart, stop it keeping her alive with a lung/heart machine, cut the heart open, replace the faulty valve, put it all back and send her on her way.

Like so many Americans, she has no health insurance, and we need to be extra strong to figure out how to get this taken care of...and I'm willing to do anything. Anything it takes to help her heart, I will do...

I haven't told Big Eddie and the guys yet that I'm leaving for good. I'll return but to Miami, not Ft. Lauderdale. I've gotten quite attached to all my alcoholics and I have to plan to tell them on a morning when I don't put on any makeup. There will be no way for me to tell him without tears and Big Eddie doesn't like to see women with smeared make-up.