We were in Wyoming Four Times!

I hate Wyoming. I started hating that state back in 1996 when Sing, the world's best cat, climbed out of the Malibu Stacey Funtime Camper and left me. He was miserable in the bus and wanted out. He snuck out a crack in the window in the middle of the night and I wandered around this truck stop where I had parked for the night, sobbing my eyes out asking if anyone had seen a black and white kitty for hours on end. The truckers put a look-out on the CB radio for me (thank you good buddies.) I always felt safe around truckers...but you gotta keep in mind that I was in my 30's and I was sobbing like a 5 year old for many, many hours. I was really devastated. He never came back. I am sure the sound of the big rigs scared the shit out of him and he wandered off into the wilderness. I had dreams that he crossed over mountain passes trying to find his way back home like in stories I've read in the Reader's Digest Magazine while waiting for a dental appointment. Then I started having dreams that he found a nice home in Wyoming and lived his days out with a kind family. That's what I like to imagine happened to him.

I know, I know...I was (and am) a bad cat mommy to bring him with me in the camper, but I couldn't have imagined a life without him and then I got it. He was such a good boy. I've had so many great cats...and it is time to create some sort of peace with the state of Wyoming...I mean it isn't the state's fault that it took my cat from me or that the Green Tortoise bus driver kept getting lost there, is it? We crossed over the state lines four times! It's the Hippie's fault! Tthe Rainbow Gathering screwed us from camping in Yellowstone so we had to go back to the Grand Tetons for a second rainy night of camping. Why is Wyoming's fault?

Because Wyoming sucks.

There isn't a decent cup of coffee anywhere and they have a black market on Maincoon cats. Look at how adorable they are. Sing looked a bit like this but with green eyes.





So long Sing. You were a good cat and a very, very bad boy. He was the kind of cat that played fetch and ripped open packages of food for his own snacks...like Hershey Kisses and marshmallows. Granted, I probably shouldn't have been eating that kind of food back then, but I did and he loved it. He was the kind of cat who could scale the wall and sit up on the door waiting for you to enter and he would swat you on the head. Funny cat.

We wandered in and out of Wyoming and the third time when we crossed the state line, I asked rather loudly if we were supposed to be headed east instead of west.

Damned hippies.

Turns out that 5 hippies were arrested at the Rainbow Gathering for throwing rocks and sticks at forest rangers and one guy they took into custody had 96 hits of acid on him. One of my fellow passengers said that there's 100 hits on a sheet. Honestly, I don't know how you score acid or why it is on a sheet. I have a hard enough time managing half a dosage of Sudafed and a cup of coffee. I can't imagine life on acid. Stinking hippies.

Now I am one.

It's still Tuesday and I have gone to where everyone who is homeless and in need of a shower and a nap go...The Public Library. If Seattle has taught me anything, it is when you feel down and out, go to a library and look at all the homeless people and feel better about yourself. The Seattle Libraries are so frikking sweet now thanks to the Gate's Foundation. Thank you Bill & Melinda Gates! Way to show Paul Allen how to use your money wisely! Although it would have been nice if Bill bought the Sonics so they wouldn't have to move to Oklahoma but the Sonics have sucked forever so Adiose Mother Fawkers! May you find winning days in the mid-west. Enjoy the flatlands...

Golly...I have really learned how to embrace my inner rage on this journey and let it out in new and exciting ways. I think I have built a new layer of of protective shielding due to all the dirt that is embedded in my skin.

Let me tell you about the food on the Green Tortoise. 70% of your food is covered in the price. When you board the bus, you are required to give cash to the drivers for food and gas... about $181 US dollars....which really isn't very much money for two weeks of food. But considering what we are eating, it's a ton.

Breakfast is pretty much the same:

Cut fresh fruit
Granola
Glop (which is am mixture of yogurt and sour cream with maple syrup and cinnamon. I call it Schlag because I feel like I'm speaking German and I want to master their language to intimidate them and go to their country and be a lazy tourist and stink up their land.)
OJ and Tea and weak coffee

And then we build our lunch which is exactly the same:
Cold cuts (ham, turkey, beef)
sliced tomatoes & cucumbers
lettuce
bread
Yes, sandwich fixings. But for someone like me who doesn't really eat bread (or much meat,) it's been a bit of a challenge. The Vegans on board are feasting on PB&J which isn't very nutritionally balanced either. I was pretty lucky when we entered South Dakota. We hit a Safeway and they had a natural food's section. I joyfully paid $8 for a jar of Almond Butter and $3.50 for a package of brown rice cakes. I tell ya, it has been uninspiring in the food department.

Dinner is usually pasta...which is wheat....which I don't eat because it makes me sick in my stomach and makes my hands breakout. So I've been making big salads and home made salad dressing which is a quite yummy Balsamic Vinaigrette.

Thus the renaming of the bus tour the Fried Chicken Tour. We get "Store Stops" most days...kinda like prison inmates being let out for a visit to the commissary. We are given about 15-25 minutes to get what we need and return to the bus while the drivers shop for ice and fruit. Everyone is sick of the food and heads to the deli departmets. I've braved the fried chicken only twice which is a lot for me since I don't usually eat chicken...it scares me and I almost never eat fried foods anymore, but when you are hungry in America, you do what you gotta do.

The best fried chicken, hands down, was in Broadus, MT which is where we spent the fourth of July while the bus was being fixed. There is one grocery store in the town of 400 people, an IGA which was fun because there aren't many IGA's anywhere in the USA anymore. The people in Broadus were very friendly and we were the talk of the town at the Fourth of July Parade and Picnic in the park. Man oh man, can they make fried chicken. I think even the Vegans wanted a piece of this crispy, moist, tender meat. The second place I embraced grocery store fried chicken was yesterday in New Ulm, Minnesota. We spent the day in the state park which is where I stole a shower from the neighboring campsite. I could not bear the thought of either a rice cake or sliced tomatoes and cucumbers so I braved the fried chicken from the deli department. It was bravery too because there were several salads in the deli case that were made of unnatural creamy colors like pink and green and all were decorated with multicolored mini marshmallows. It was seriously risky on my part and everyone agreed it was not as good as the Broadus, MT chicken, but it did the trick. Plus it felt good to be full for a few hours. We almost ordered pizza to be delivered to the State Park, but that would have really hurt our driver's feelings so we didn't.

Wow. As I am sitting here I get an occasional whiff of my own stench. It hasn't made my eyes water yet, so I guess I am okay. I feel so European.

I usually don't smell so bad because I use this crystal deodorant that I discovered about 15 years ago. It is a crystal that you wet and it balances out the enzymes that cause odors and there is no risk of breast cancer which many health care professionals believe that the aluminum content in deodorant is linked to breast cancer in women. And I have never liked the smell of deodorant...and antiperspirants seem crazy to me. Why block a gland when you need to sweat to stay cool. With the crystal you still sweat but you don't stink. Mine is buried somewhere on the bus.

That's another thing about the bus. People leave their shit everywhere! I'm pretty neat and clean-up after myself. The Republican Spin Master is like a little kid who leaves his crap all around the bus. I can't tell you how many times I've found his Ipod charger or Blackberry charger laying around and he buys all this crappy junk food like packaged Rice Krispie Treats and Doritos and Cheez-it's. (I will admit to having a handful of Cheez-its before handing them back.)

My point is that he's a pig and now my personal care bag has gone missing. There is like this zone of mystery where shit floats around the bus and then it reappears.

Do you think it is time for me to get on an Amtrak train and just hoof it to NYC?

Maybe.

But I've come so far and there's only two more days on the bus. We let five people out here in Chicago so there will be more room on the next ride overnight tonight as we head somewhere else...I think Niagara Falls. I might go to the wax museum or just look at the pretty falls and find a cup of coffee and blog a little bit more. The night camping in the Adirondacks has been canceled and we're going through the Catskills instead and we are not camping due to scheduling issues from the broken down bus in Montana.

Stick it out? Get on a train? I don't know...both sound pretty good. There are other people on the train, but no obligation to talk to them. I did have a nice 18 hour chat with the born again Christian drug users on my way from Seattle to San Francisco...so you never know who you'll meet on a bus or a train.

I think it is time to find a good snack and maybe make my way back to the bus for a nap and then who knows...some jazz tonight? Chicago is a nice town. My kinda town, you might say.

So much love,
All the way from over here....
Linda