Rice is a Four Letter Word

Hi. My name is Linda Silberman. I am a CIA grad and I cannot make rice.

"Hi Linda" the imaginary culinary 12 step meeting says to me.

I am blogging today to ask for forgiveness. I implied in one of my earlier posts that I knew how to make brown rice, but that is a lie. I was lying to myself and to you...my kind reader. Denial is so powerful and so is self-judgment. I created an over-inflated ego around my cooking skills and I could not admit to myself and certainly not to you that I cannot make a decent bowl of rice. It is pathetic to think that I spent over forty thousand dollars and could not produce the most basic of recipes. Every person in China knows how to make rice! What is the matter with me? Why can't I do it? When I make rice it comes out too wet and kinda starchy, not al dente, which is how I like my brown rice. I don't like the over cooked, extra soft and fluffy stuff and no matter how many times I changed the recipe or length of the bath, my rice turned out the same...mushy. Imperfect.

My recipe was this:

1 cup Brown Rice
2 1/4 cup water or stock
pinch of salt
splash of olive oil

Bring water to a boil. Add rice, salt and oil. Turn heat to very low. Take a bath and relax (about 45 min), then rice is finished. Fluff and serve.

Here's the problem with that recipe. EVERYTHING!

Lisa and I talk a lot about rice. We don't have a lot in common...no, that's not true! We do have a lot in common and one of our favorite foods is brown rice. Whole Foods has an excellent frozen product of brown rice that you microwave for 3 minutes and it's ready. Trader Joe's carries the same sort of product but they are always out of stock which pisses off customers like me and Lisa...plus I have a hard time paying three bucks for a pound or two of cooked rice when it costs pennies to make at home. Brown rice was a staple in my diet when I was working for WFM and the 20% store discount didn't hurt either and I was considering soliciting team members for marriage to receive their discount so I could go back to my eating ways...but that is not my path.

Last week, Lisa and I were going somewhere and she waited patiently for me on the stairs as I grabbed my things and touched up my makeup before leaving the house. She flipped through the latest issue of SAUVER magazine and noticed they had a six page spread on brown rice. Being the excellent reporter that she is, she read out loud their recipe for perfect brown rice.

NOTE: I have a few magazine subscriptions left, Cooks Illustrated which is an excellent source of technical information with flawless recipes tested dozens of times and SAUVER which I lovingly refer to as Food Porn. It is the sexiest food magazine on the market including travel and wine tips. All the industry people love it and secretly keep a copy of it by their bedside for when their partner is in the mood and they aren't. I dare you to flip through a couple pages of that magazine and not get turned on! Your mind will wander to making love on the hillsides of northern Spain drinking Lan Edicion Limitada 2004 from Bodegas LAN snacking on exotic cheeses, cured Bayonne ham sliced paper thin , fresh baguettes and an array of fresh fruits and vegetables...believe me baby...you'll be on cloud nine in no time! Only try this if you are strong and if you have an adventurous spirit. It is not for the weak of heart, although a copy of this magazine helped keep Anne alive while she was getting ready for her open-heart surgery. Check it out. Very sexy.

I'm getting ready for our outing and Lisa says, "You know, it says here that you are supposed to cook brown rice like pasta." She goes on and reads the recipe, "Bring 12 cups of boiling water to 1 cup of rice. Boil rapidly for 30 minutes, then strain and let rest and finish steaming in a covered pan off the heat for 10 minutes."

Insanity! I think to myself, grab my backpack and we are ready to go.

"You should try that." Lisa suggests.

"Maybe." I say. But it sounds too crazy to me...boil it like pasta?

How can you make rice like pasta? It goes against every rule of cooking that I have learned in the last 30 years! I remember when I thought I'd found the Holy Grail of making rice before...the oven method. This technique is used a lot of restaurants. You take your basic rice recipe...2 parts water or stock to one part rice, bring the water to a boil, add the rice, cover and place in a 450 degree oven until you remember that you have to serve rice which can be anywhere from 45 min. to 2 hours....but by 2 hours it will be burned, but only on the outside. You can serve the stuff on the inside. You can even make this without boiling the water first, that way you can forget about it longer. But really, it isn't a good way to make rice.

False rice gods.

Then I discovered the bath method. This recipe was imparted to me by my dearest friend, Karen Sevenoff. We used to eat at this awesome raw/vegan restaurant called The Gravity Bar in Seattle which is no longer in business. They did so many things well, their specialties being fresh juice, lemon tahini dressing and brown rice. they had a way of making rice that was the perfect bite to it...not starchy, never overcooked, always made in a rice maker...which I have never figured out how to use. I know, the instructions are simple....add rice and water. Turn on machine. When it stops, rice is done...but the rice never turned out good for me there either!

God, who knew I could write so much about rice...or that I even felt so passionate about it?

So yesterday, after thinking about Lisa reading me the recipe, I decided to give it a shot. I had time and ingredients. What could it hurt? I bring the water to a boil, add the rice, stir and I also added a pinch of salt and a dash of extra virgin olive oil. It boiled vigorously for 30 minutes, then I strained it and let it sit covered undisturbed for 10 minutes more.

The house filled with the most incredible, nutty scent and the dogs went wild while it was cooking. My stomach started growling..it smelled so good in the house. I had a hard time waiting the full 40 minutes for the rice to be done. And when it was finished? How was it?

Perfect. The most perfect cup of rice that I had been craving had been found! I realized that the rinsing and the boiling extracted so much of the unnecessary starch, that the true nutty qualities could come out! Who knew? I know that this won't be the method that the Chinese will start to use and their rice is perfect for them...but now I know. Now I know how to make brown rice. Finally! After all this time!

How did I eat it? I did my favorite thing...a spoon full of crunchy almond butter, a pinch more salt and pepper, a dash of olive oil and I had a complete protein that filled me up and gave me enough energy to work with my new Shaman.

Oh, didn't I mention that? I'm studying with another Shaman.

But it isn't time for me to write about that today. Now I have to go buy some food because I am starving again, just thinking about that awesome brown rice. Thank you for letting me confess and come clean about about my lack of rice cooking skills. I think I've got a handle on it now...and thank you so much Lisa for reading me that recipe. I might not have considered it had you not read it out loud.

So much love
All the way from over here...
Linda