My latest astrologer told me in my recent reading that it was my karmic path to be in a relationship with a man...partnership, and that I needed to accept it and be ready for it. Naturally I laughed at this idea. I haven't been in relationship with anyone for so long that I often doubt it is even possible. I mean, I really don't know how people meet each other anymore. And to even write about it seems so trite. Yet, finding that person is important to me.
So I decided that I would stop looking; stop wanting to be in relationship and to simply accept where I am, right now, in this moment. Because that is all I only have...this moment. And this one. Look! Here is another moment! This is it, baby! This is all I have. All that worrying or wondering about the future is a habit with me and it sends me into a spiral of obsessive thoughts about this and that...that and that, this and there, here and where. Those thoughts bring me no relief. They only perpetuate the cycle of "what am I going to do about __________?"
Our society really has programed me well in this area, especially around work. I am reaching a point in my time away from working where I'm beginning to not obsess about returning to work or thinking about being in the same kind of work. I am creating space around simply being which is HUGE work! American society (and my mother) have programmed me to be always focusing on doing...working...making money. The reality is that when I am in the traditional work environment, I don't make money....I loose money. Part of my mind really thought that there would be security for me working for a large company....and now what is left of my 401K is dwindling away due to their poor business practices and the stocks they awarded me are worthless.
Over the weekend, I went to a little party with several of my old friends from the Cafe Flora days. I tell you, this restaurant was very special. We were all a part of the originally hired group of servers and I moved into one of the manager roles. It took about five years before there was an opening for a server in that restaurant which is unheard of in the restaurant industry...no turnover. We all worked so well together and there was something so special about that place that we all stayed for a long, long time.
What that tells me is that people with working chemistry are way more important that the job itself. If we hadn't had chemistry then we wouldn't have stayed together that long. I suppose that isn't a part of the American dream. My sister and I have been watching "The Office" on DVD. She can relate to it from her daily working life. For me, I've always worked in nontraditional work environments except when I was a temp at Duke University. I was hired for three days and they kept me for six months in the HR department. I shouldn't have been so surprised. Hiring and HR have always been a gift of mine. It took me a while to figure out how to not do my work so fast. When I finished a task it always irritated my superior because then she'd have to find something else for me to do. I learned how to stretch my work out, surf the internet and watch movies online. When I started doing that, my boss was much happier.
I can't settle for a work environment that is hostile and competitive. I did that in Florida and look where it got me...a mental institution! Lucky me!
See how well I am doing not thinking about working? I am writing all about working! Such as it is with habits.
For today, my task is to not think about working. Accept where I am living and not be thinking about getting away from Seattle (even though it is still cold and overcast) and enjoy my withdrawal from coffee. I am open for suggestions so please pass them along if you have any.
So much love,
All the way from over here...
Linda
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