When is text messaging appropriate?
If you are deaf, anytime.
I can understand the usefulness of text messaging especially when you want to tell your sweetie that you love them or you're gonna be a few minutes late, or what time you need to be picked up from the mall (kids to parents), or if you need to send someone a quick note. Texting can be fun.
I've done some texting but not in the way most of America is using this form of communication. I have done my share of chatting online, which is kind of the same thing as texting, but a lot less expensive. To be fast at chatting online or texting, there are lists of shortcuts that have become common knowledge like LOL (laugh out loud), OMG (oh my god), WFT (what the fuck). These codes have moved over to the texting world and I understand these shortcuts. So I did a search on Google and found no shortcut for Iball.
I texted naked guy back:
"I'm flattered. Thank you! I appreciate your courage. What is Iball?"
It takes a lot of courage for someone to tell a stranger that you're attracted to them and I need that kind of attention. The last guy I fell for couldn't even tell me that he had a girlfriend so I didn't want to stop his honest communication. It's important to me no matter what kind of friendship we have be it roommate or housesitter that there be honesty.
Naked Guy texts back immediately:
"One ball."
Ah ha! The text wasn't Iball, it was 1 ball.
Now I want clarity, so I text back:
"You lost a testicle?"
Naked Guy writes"
"Yes. I want you to know everything. Would u like to see? I can email to u if u like. Do you have yahoo?"
So he wants me to know everything before he offers me the housesitting gig. Okay, that's cool with me. I'm down with that. Let's get real I think. Let's share our pain.
I text back:
"Sure, send it." I add my email address.
I'm thinking he wants to send me a story about his loss and before I receive any email I generate a story about Naked Guy and it goes like this: Naked Guy had cancer. His wife left him. He lost his job. He looses a testicle, had some sort of epiphany about life and he becomes a naturist to reconnect with his new body. He throws himself into his work to make lots of money and directs his energy on traveling and developing this awesome relationship with his children.
I like this story. It makes sense to me.
Disease and life-threating illness changes a person's perspective. I too have had my own experiences that have transformed my perspective on life. For example, I was misdiagnosed for years while I had Hashimoto's disease that caused me to gain 150 pounds which I have now lost. When illness changes your body, it is takes time to accept the new form.
For me, I still have difficulty sometimes looking in a mirror and seeing the "new" me 150 pounds lighter. The mind creates a vision of ourself and hangs on to it. We need other people to reflect the beauty we possess in our new bodies. At least, I do.
Perhaps Naked Guy was attracted to me because I didn't even look at his loins. I behaved as if he were dressed and frankly I didn't care that he was naked. I accepted Naked Guy as he was and that's attractive in any relationship be it friendship, relatives or lovers.
Then I drifted into fantasy land. What if I've met my partner? A Venture Capitalist who travels the world and has great relationships with his kids and I make a beautiful home and travel with him and his one ball?
He texts me again while I'm off in my fantasy:
"If I send the video when will you watch it? Tonight? Now?"
Video?
He has a video about his ball?
WTF?
What were the words I first thought of when I heard the word Naturist?
Freak.
Sex.
Freaky sex.
Okay. Thank you god. Yes, again you were right again. This guy is not just a naked freak but a one-balled-freak.
"Dearest God," I pray. "Please direct my beautiful fingers to the right tiny keys on my cell phone to compose the most perfect text message back to Naked Guy. Please God, may it be free from hate and misspellings. Your ever-loving servant, Ashey Nameste."
I sit in quiet contemplation for a long time.
I reflect on our visit earlier in the evening and the questions I didn't ask. I didn't ask him about his lifestyle choice. I didn't ask him how long he'd been a naturist. I didn't ask if his children are nude when they visit. I didn't ask any personal questions at all! And if we were going to live together, didn't I at least owe that to myself?
Naked Guy texts me again:
"If I send to you, will you share with your girlfriends in So. Fla?"
Men. So fascinating. Men like to go fishing. They like to hunt. They like the chase. I am a Leo woman. In the lion kingdom the feline females are the huntresses and the male watches (voyeurs that most males are) and wait until the kill has happened before moving in and feasting on the fruits of the female labors.
I too have a stalking-hunting side all of which I am too aware of and like most women there is a tiny part of myself that wants justice when tricked or sold false dreams under the guises of stability. I've seen this time and time again, especially in Boca Raton. The women there are cruel to the point of destruction for "teaching him a lesson."
That is not my style, but I do think to myself, "I'm on to you freaky little Naked Guy!"
"How many people would you like to see it?" I text back.
Shooting fish in a barrel.
"All your friends in south fla but as many as you like." He texts back.
I text him:
"I'm only online in the morning since I don't have internet at home so I won't see it until morning."
He texts me back so fast:
"Isn't there someway you can go online now?"
Sheish! I wonder how long he can keep the erection he has going and how long I want to play this game.
"Sorry, not until morning, but go ahead and send it and I promise to watch it first thing in the morning at Starbucks."
See, I think this will be good! Watching this one-ball video with my venti coffee at 5:30 AM with all my Starbucks pals! What a treat! I'll be sure to let all of the women of south Florida not only watch it via email but heck, if it's good, I'll even take it on the road!
I receive no text messages from Naked Guy for about an hour. My thoughts drift to Sheryl Crow and Lance Armstrong. He's such a hottie and so accomplished...Tour de France winner how many times? So fit. So into the physical. And the beautiful Sheryl Crow....so talented. Their break-up was so sudden in my eyes. Of course I'm not a personal friend but I did wonder for a long time why did they break up? What happend?
I wondered what kind of video Lance Armstrong made about his testicle.
Naked Guy texts me once more:
"Are you sure you can't go online right now?"
By now I'm tired. It's nearly 11 PM and I get up super early to write at liker 4:30 AM. Enough is enough.
I text back:
"I can understand cancer. I can understand loosing a testicle. I can accept life-threatening illnesses but it takes 2 to play. I am interested in housesitting and friendship. If you are looking for something else, perhaps you should place another kind of ad. If you honestly need help with your home I am still open to that idea."
I know, a lot of words for a text but I really wanted to get it all out. Plus, there is no bigger turn off than a reality check for anyone who is off in fantasy land.
I turn my phone off and go to bed. In the morning I check my email and sadly there is no video from Naked Guy. A part of me is really disappointed. I wanted to see the one-ball video. And if I had it, I'd share it here.
I sent Naked Guy one last email that said I was willing to accept his one ball and that I was still interested in housesitting for him. I listed all the things I could offer for his home that I noticed and that I was not uncomfortable developing a friendship with him. I told him my story about illness and I was honest and open in my email.
I've heard nothing from Naked Guy. He did tell me he was traveling so I thought perhaps he was out of the country and didn't have email.
This morning I did a search for housesitter on www.Craigslist.org and all of his postings came up! In fact, as early as this morning he had reposted the housesitting position!
Should I post the link here? I mean, maybe I'm not the perfect housesitter for him. Perhaps it is a prerequisite to watch the video before becoming his housesitter...I don't know. What I do know is that there are a lot of women in South Florida who are missing out on a potentially awesome video about a naked venture capitalists with one ball.
So ladies, if you get the video, please email it to me at: linda.silberman@yahoo.com
And I am back to where I started. I've considered changing my opinion about the word Nudist but I can't after this encounter. Perhaps if I meet a midget nudist they could convince me.
So much love,
All the way from over here...
Linda
If you are deaf, anytime.
I can understand the usefulness of text messaging especially when you want to tell your sweetie that you love them or you're gonna be a few minutes late, or what time you need to be picked up from the mall (kids to parents), or if you need to send someone a quick note. Texting can be fun.
I've done some texting but not in the way most of America is using this form of communication. I have done my share of chatting online, which is kind of the same thing as texting, but a lot less expensive. To be fast at chatting online or texting, there are lists of shortcuts that have become common knowledge like LOL (laugh out loud), OMG (oh my god), WFT (what the fuck). These codes have moved over to the texting world and I understand these shortcuts. So I did a search on Google and found no shortcut for Iball.
I texted naked guy back:
"I'm flattered. Thank you! I appreciate your courage. What is Iball?"
It takes a lot of courage for someone to tell a stranger that you're attracted to them and I need that kind of attention. The last guy I fell for couldn't even tell me that he had a girlfriend so I didn't want to stop his honest communication. It's important to me no matter what kind of friendship we have be it roommate or housesitter that there be honesty.
Naked Guy texts back immediately:
"One ball."
Ah ha! The text wasn't Iball, it was 1 ball.
Now I want clarity, so I text back:
"You lost a testicle?"
Naked Guy writes"
"Yes. I want you to know everything. Would u like to see? I can email to u if u like. Do you have yahoo?"
So he wants me to know everything before he offers me the housesitting gig. Okay, that's cool with me. I'm down with that. Let's get real I think. Let's share our pain.
I text back:
"Sure, send it." I add my email address.
I'm thinking he wants to send me a story about his loss and before I receive any email I generate a story about Naked Guy and it goes like this: Naked Guy had cancer. His wife left him. He lost his job. He looses a testicle, had some sort of epiphany about life and he becomes a naturist to reconnect with his new body. He throws himself into his work to make lots of money and directs his energy on traveling and developing this awesome relationship with his children.
I like this story. It makes sense to me.
Disease and life-threating illness changes a person's perspective. I too have had my own experiences that have transformed my perspective on life. For example, I was misdiagnosed for years while I had Hashimoto's disease that caused me to gain 150 pounds which I have now lost. When illness changes your body, it is takes time to accept the new form.
For me, I still have difficulty sometimes looking in a mirror and seeing the "new" me 150 pounds lighter. The mind creates a vision of ourself and hangs on to it. We need other people to reflect the beauty we possess in our new bodies. At least, I do.
Perhaps Naked Guy was attracted to me because I didn't even look at his loins. I behaved as if he were dressed and frankly I didn't care that he was naked. I accepted Naked Guy as he was and that's attractive in any relationship be it friendship, relatives or lovers.
Then I drifted into fantasy land. What if I've met my partner? A Venture Capitalist who travels the world and has great relationships with his kids and I make a beautiful home and travel with him and his one ball?
He texts me again while I'm off in my fantasy:
"If I send the video when will you watch it? Tonight? Now?"
Video?
He has a video about his ball?
WTF?
What were the words I first thought of when I heard the word Naturist?
Freak.
Sex.
Freaky sex.
Okay. Thank you god. Yes, again you were right again. This guy is not just a naked freak but a one-balled-freak.
"Dearest God," I pray. "Please direct my beautiful fingers to the right tiny keys on my cell phone to compose the most perfect text message back to Naked Guy. Please God, may it be free from hate and misspellings. Your ever-loving servant, Ashey Nameste."
I sit in quiet contemplation for a long time.
I reflect on our visit earlier in the evening and the questions I didn't ask. I didn't ask him about his lifestyle choice. I didn't ask him how long he'd been a naturist. I didn't ask if his children are nude when they visit. I didn't ask any personal questions at all! And if we were going to live together, didn't I at least owe that to myself?
Naked Guy texts me again:
"If I send to you, will you share with your girlfriends in So. Fla?"
Men. So fascinating. Men like to go fishing. They like to hunt. They like the chase. I am a Leo woman. In the lion kingdom the feline females are the huntresses and the male watches (voyeurs that most males are) and wait until the kill has happened before moving in and feasting on the fruits of the female labors.
I too have a stalking-hunting side all of which I am too aware of and like most women there is a tiny part of myself that wants justice when tricked or sold false dreams under the guises of stability. I've seen this time and time again, especially in Boca Raton. The women there are cruel to the point of destruction for "teaching him a lesson."
That is not my style, but I do think to myself, "I'm on to you freaky little Naked Guy!"
"How many people would you like to see it?" I text back.
Shooting fish in a barrel.
"All your friends in south fla but as many as you like." He texts back.
I text him:
"I'm only online in the morning since I don't have internet at home so I won't see it until morning."
He texts me back so fast:
"Isn't there someway you can go online now?"
Sheish! I wonder how long he can keep the erection he has going and how long I want to play this game.
"Sorry, not until morning, but go ahead and send it and I promise to watch it first thing in the morning at Starbucks."
See, I think this will be good! Watching this one-ball video with my venti coffee at 5:30 AM with all my Starbucks pals! What a treat! I'll be sure to let all of the women of south Florida not only watch it via email but heck, if it's good, I'll even take it on the road!
I receive no text messages from Naked Guy for about an hour. My thoughts drift to Sheryl Crow and Lance Armstrong. He's such a hottie and so accomplished...Tour de France winner how many times? So fit. So into the physical. And the beautiful Sheryl Crow....so talented. Their break-up was so sudden in my eyes. Of course I'm not a personal friend but I did wonder for a long time why did they break up? What happend?
I wondered what kind of video Lance Armstrong made about his testicle.
Naked Guy texts me once more:
"Are you sure you can't go online right now?"
By now I'm tired. It's nearly 11 PM and I get up super early to write at liker 4:30 AM. Enough is enough.
I text back:
"I can understand cancer. I can understand loosing a testicle. I can accept life-threatening illnesses but it takes 2 to play. I am interested in housesitting and friendship. If you are looking for something else, perhaps you should place another kind of ad. If you honestly need help with your home I am still open to that idea."
I know, a lot of words for a text but I really wanted to get it all out. Plus, there is no bigger turn off than a reality check for anyone who is off in fantasy land.
I turn my phone off and go to bed. In the morning I check my email and sadly there is no video from Naked Guy. A part of me is really disappointed. I wanted to see the one-ball video. And if I had it, I'd share it here.
I sent Naked Guy one last email that said I was willing to accept his one ball and that I was still interested in housesitting for him. I listed all the things I could offer for his home that I noticed and that I was not uncomfortable developing a friendship with him. I told him my story about illness and I was honest and open in my email.
I've heard nothing from Naked Guy. He did tell me he was traveling so I thought perhaps he was out of the country and didn't have email.
This morning I did a search for housesitter on www.Craigslist.org and all of his postings came up! In fact, as early as this morning he had reposted the housesitting position!
Should I post the link here? I mean, maybe I'm not the perfect housesitter for him. Perhaps it is a prerequisite to watch the video before becoming his housesitter...I don't know. What I do know is that there are a lot of women in South Florida who are missing out on a potentially awesome video about a naked venture capitalists with one ball.
So ladies, if you get the video, please email it to me at: linda.silberman@yahoo.com
And I am back to where I started. I've considered changing my opinion about the word Nudist but I can't after this encounter. Perhaps if I meet a midget nudist they could convince me.
So much love,
All the way from over here...
Linda
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