The doctor said I never looked better. My skin was glowing, I was tanned, rested, blood pressure was slightly below normal (which is where I like it) and I'd lost five pounds in two weeks. I knew a couple of weeks away from work would rejuvenate my soul the new problem I faced was how could I ever go back to that corporate job? In two weeks so many events happened in perfect divine order that there was no way for me to return.
Dr K told me for me to maintain a healthy state of mind, I needed to start taking anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication in addition to adding psycho therapy to my weekly activities to keep me well and perform at my current job in Corporate America. After much contemplation I decided to take the leap and opt to NOT take the blue pills to keep me "sane" to stay in a mediocre job accepting mediocre pay for the idea that having health insurance is the most important goal in my life. It was an easy decision if I treated it like any other big decision in my life. I took a deep breath and opened my mouth waiting for my heart to speak and it said Hell No! I will Not accept this lifestyle as my own! Where is Linda? Where did she go? Is she ready to jump off this hamster wheel and see what life has to offer her?
Hell Yes!
When Dr. K heard my decision she said that she could not then write me a note releasing me back into the workforce so I must walk my truth now. Here's the part I love the most: My doctor agreed that you must be crazy to take the medication. Crazy is a harsh term still in this day and age, conjuring images of people living in drab prisons over medicated playing checkers or watching daytime television. Today's crazy is roaming the streets buying fruit and talking into their headsets....sometimes without a phone attached.
Yes, I am more of today's kinda crazy to jump into the unknown of how I will support myself. Will it be through following my dreams? Writing, cooking, baking, walking, loving life? I have some big picture ideas for myself and know that no matter what the vision, the first step is the first step.
So here is today's first step. I'd love to be waiting tables at an awesome restaurant with fantastic food, a fun staff in a great area of the city making tons of cash so I can do lots of other stuff. I have a lot going for me to get me into that dream restaurant job so to strengthen my wine knowledge, I've applied to be an intern at a fantastic Brooklyn wine shop! My interview is early next week and I will be working once a week helping out in the store (playing wine shop!) and learning about a ton of wines, vineyards, grapes, storage, bargains and finds! While I study for my interview and review my CIA Alumni job site and Craigslist for a juicy job for me, I have started a batch of Brioche.
I have a lot of time on my hands now and Brioche dough takes a good 30 hours to make. You can rush it to do it in 18 for sure, but the dough is so much better if it takes its good sweet time on that second and third rise. Brioche is the only dough that made me want to have a baby only so I could pick it up and smell it's baby-soft ass and think about the buttery soft Brioche dough just after it's second rise. Oh...how sweet and soft...it is worth every hour of devotion.
Today has been the first 18 hour process of the dough. I am following using my baking bible, the "Baking with Julia" cookbook...and I am recording the Baking with Julia program on my local PBS twice a week to stay inspired! The dessert made from this basic Brioche dough made Julia Child cry. I want to taste what was so damned good that it made Julia Child actually get chocked up and have tears pool into her eyes as she had no words to describe the perfection in her Zablignoe cream topped slightly stewed stone fruit in a magical white sauce (no kidding!) all sitting on a perfectly baked Brioche tart with Creame Fraische custard.
Yes! I will make it!
The yeast has proofed and there was confirmation of a dough forming although it was a little scary for me today. This yeast was SLEEPY!!! It did not want to proof at first, but on a cool, humid morning that is to be expected. I gave it some extra time and slowed the process down a little bit more.
That is the divine secrete of Brioche dough. I think it is a lot like a good man. If it ain't doing what it is supposed to be doing, just give it a little bit more time. If it doesn't come around, get rid of it and start over. But if you are a little patient, and give it some extra time to do whatever it has gotta do, it usually pays off right away.
The second rule of thumb with Brioche is you gotta beat the hell out of that dough. This is when those three hundred dollar mixers come in handy. They have industrial engines for exactly this reason. My only complaint is that you can only make 1-2 times the recipe at a time and then you must let your mixer rest for a good 4 hours or until completely at room temperature. Brioche is a very communicative dough speaking to you through the loud whirl of the mixer. Maybe it is Stockholm Syndrome that makes you immune to the noise...but in the white noise there is a language that emerges through the whine of the motor, an almost slapping whipping whining voice as the birth of a great dough requires a little rough loving.
After the smooth slapping dough is perfected then you add about a half a pound of softened excellent quality butter. The more fancy-pants, the better. Do not skimp on milk-fat content or cost because butter is the star in this operation and the secret ingredient! When the butter is added at this stage of dough development, it is gonna make it look like a White Hot Mess! No Lie! You are going to think you have made the biggest culinary fawk-up of your life and you are already nearly 2 hours into the operation and you haven't even started the second rise yet! Yikes!
Hold tight, Nelly! Do not fear. Refer yourself to above where I mention to beat the hell out of this dough and it will work for you. Treat it like your man. Give it a little space and some faith that it can RISE up to the occasion and all will work out. And if you need to sprinkle a little extra tablespoon of flour on that sucker, then sprinkle away my friend. Sprinkle away.
Because it will return to you and you will put it gently in its buttered bowl and let it rise for a couple of hours. And during that time it is back to job searching and showering getting ready for the day. By lunchtime, the kitchen is clean and the dough has competed its first major rise (or really the 2nd rise) where it is baby bottom smooth and makes me crave more Brioche dough.
After being so rough with our beloved Brioche, he now requires a gentle hand in deflating the poof from the rise, and gentle but firm reshaping and a little kiss on its cheek (through the plastic wrap, of course...no conjugal visits yet!) and into the refrigerator he goes to rest for a full18 hours. I think this part is critical because the first slow, cold rise (which is what is happening to that dough right now in the fridge) is where so much flavor is developed during this process.
Tomorrow I will be making two different treats out of the mixture and starting a second batch so I always have Brioche available. I am so in love with touching this dough!
So much love,
All the way from over here...
Linda
1 comment:
I really don't understand cooking (as you well know) But reading your blog today made me want to try it (your brioche, not actually cooking!)
Good luck with life in a non corporate structure, without the medication it takes to survive it. You may be a bit like the dough at first, but I know you will puff up to the challenge and end up tasty and delicious.
Love Zoe
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