Note: this is an older piece of writing that I did in 2007/2008 when I was still in the grocery industry. The good news is that I am no longer in any *business* to speak of. The even better news is that this old piece of writing is a good starting point (if I were going to tell the story about me jumping off the corporate ladder and landing smack-dab in Alex Grey's lap.....which is a story that I may want to tell soon!) And the best part of all, is that I have faced all the fears that were in front of me when I originally wrote this....and the best thing of all is that, All Is Well.
So much love,
All the way from
Over here.....
xoxo
Linda
Originally written November 28, 2007
Dear Faithful Readers,
I had no idea so many of you existed. I really thought no one read this blog so please imagine my surprise by your phone calls of concern for me.
I am really just fine. My doctor says that I don't have pneumonia but I have a bronchial infection for which I am on some powerful drugs, and due to my level of exhaustion the symptoms are a bit more intense.
That goes for my writing too.
I've had an infection or an illness in my belief system and especially around fear of being loved. That's the real issue. I am terrified of someone loving me forever....
But if Karen were here, she'd ask me if that were true.
So, is it true that I am terrified of being loved?
No.
I am terrified of rejection.
Love is easy.
It is everywhere and I feel it everyday.
Rejection.
It has been my behavior to put myself out there before rejection has a chance to hit me. A phrase that Karen and I came up with, or maybe I came up with this but I'm pretty sure we did it together, was the phrase:
I humiliate myself so you don't have to.
Fear.
Funny shit.
So now what?
I just woke up from a 12 hour nap. I'm having iced coffee at 5 Am in the Florida room with the kitties at my feet...Puff choosing to stay lingering in bed because it's warm there....she's a little thing you know....
Today my mission is to sleep more, eat more, drink more water, breathe in deeply and allow my body to relax.
I'm gonna take a couple of baths and talk on the phone to all my friends who don't work in the grocery business...today's the biggest day in the grocery store industry...Thanksgiving is a big holiday for retailers and it is awesome that I get to stay at home away from the crowds and noise.
Peace is here, in my home.
I have everything I need...
Do not worry dear sisters...I'm finally letting people know when I'm crashing and that's something I haven't done before...but all is well. Truly.
I am firmly placed on this planet and a couple more 12 hr. naps, a couple of smoothies, and baths and I'll be good as new.
I do have a request: If you live in my area and you know of a good massage therapist who travels, please give them my number. I could really use a full body massage.
Again, I'm sorry if I caused you any concern. You know how I love the theater and drama. I remembered a very powerful lesson I learned from a couple of waiters in Seattle(who turned out to be great friends for a long time) back in the day when I worked for Stouffer Hotels...these guys taught me that sometimes it's important to have a melt-down, a hissy-fit, or a scene...especially for me (as they said) because I tend to do so much myself I give the impression that I don't need anyone else around me....but if I throw a fit or have a melt-down then people will see that I'm not able to do anymore and they'll pay attention.
Granted, they used this technique with me to score more tables so they'd make more money and they both ended up becoming high-end real estate brokers in Seattle and are multimillionaires now. I know a lot of millionaires somehow.... odd.
But the point of their lesson is that I let people think I have my shit together all the time. That's because, most of the time, I have my shit together. When I don't or when others don't respond to my ways, I do what I always do: I change my behavior or my approach so they'll pay attention. Take my boss for example: Me being out sick for a week following the 3 hour horrific conversation we had on Friday was no accident. I can no longer work under these conditions.
My boss must experience the work I do by doing it himself for a little while so he can appreciate me. My doctor gave me a quote yesterday that really resonated with me:
Great Love and great achievement require great risk.
I am willing to risk it all. I am willing to be rejected. I am willing to walk away from my career.
I've stopped talking about my love life because the risks I am taking make my friends uncomfortable.
I am willing to give it all up if that is what is required.
That being said, let's recap today's to do list:
Today's events:
Nap
Snack
Movies
Nap some more
More snacks
Bath
Shower
Pool
Beach?
Okay...no pool or beach today...but maybe tomorrow?
Many blessings and loving thanks to you.
I adore you.
Patsycat
[A.K.A. Linda]
P.S. I am in search of an editor. Ar\e you good at proofing and editing text without changing the feeling of the words? If so, please email me: patsycat@gmail.com
It is time for me to write the book.
So much love,
All the way from
Over here.....
xoxo
Linda
Originally written November 28, 2007
Dear Faithful Readers,
I had no idea so many of you existed. I really thought no one read this blog so please imagine my surprise by your phone calls of concern for me.
I am really just fine. My doctor says that I don't have pneumonia but I have a bronchial infection for which I am on some powerful drugs, and due to my level of exhaustion the symptoms are a bit more intense.
That goes for my writing too.
I've had an infection or an illness in my belief system and especially around fear of being loved. That's the real issue. I am terrified of someone loving me forever....
But if Karen were here, she'd ask me if that were true.
So, is it true that I am terrified of being loved?
No.
I am terrified of rejection.
Love is easy.
It is everywhere and I feel it everyday.
Rejection.
It has been my behavior to put myself out there before rejection has a chance to hit me. A phrase that Karen and I came up with, or maybe I came up with this but I'm pretty sure we did it together, was the phrase:
I humiliate myself so you don't have to.
Fear.
Funny shit.
So now what?
I just woke up from a 12 hour nap. I'm having iced coffee at 5 Am in the Florida room with the kitties at my feet...Puff choosing to stay lingering in bed because it's warm there....she's a little thing you know....
Today my mission is to sleep more, eat more, drink more water, breathe in deeply and allow my body to relax.
I'm gonna take a couple of baths and talk on the phone to all my friends who don't work in the grocery business...today's the biggest day in the grocery store industry...Thanksgiving is a big holiday for retailers and it is awesome that I get to stay at home away from the crowds and noise.
Peace is here, in my home.
I have everything I need...
Do not worry dear sisters...I'm finally letting people know when I'm crashing and that's something I haven't done before...but all is well. Truly.
I am firmly placed on this planet and a couple more 12 hr. naps, a couple of smoothies, and baths and I'll be good as new.
I do have a request: If you live in my area and you know of a good massage therapist who travels, please give them my number. I could really use a full body massage.
Again, I'm sorry if I caused you any concern. You know how I love the theater and drama. I remembered a very powerful lesson I learned from a couple of waiters in Seattle(who turned out to be great friends for a long time) back in the day when I worked for Stouffer Hotels...these guys taught me that sometimes it's important to have a melt-down, a hissy-fit, or a scene...especially for me (as they said) because I tend to do so much myself I give the impression that I don't need anyone else around me....but if I throw a fit or have a melt-down then people will see that I'm not able to do anymore and they'll pay attention.
Granted, they used this technique with me to score more tables so they'd make more money and they both ended up becoming high-end real estate brokers in Seattle and are multimillionaires now. I know a lot of millionaires somehow.... odd.
But the point of their lesson is that I let people think I have my shit together all the time. That's because, most of the time, I have my shit together. When I don't or when others don't respond to my ways, I do what I always do: I change my behavior or my approach so they'll pay attention. Take my boss for example: Me being out sick for a week following the 3 hour horrific conversation we had on Friday was no accident. I can no longer work under these conditions.
My boss must experience the work I do by doing it himself for a little while so he can appreciate me. My doctor gave me a quote yesterday that really resonated with me:
Great Love and great achievement require great risk.
I am willing to risk it all. I am willing to be rejected. I am willing to walk away from my career.
I've stopped talking about my love life because the risks I am taking make my friends uncomfortable.
I am willing to give it all up if that is what is required.
That being said, let's recap today's to do list:
Today's events:
Nap
Snack
Movies
Nap some more
More snacks
Bath
Shower
Pool
Beach?
Okay...no pool or beach today...but maybe tomorrow?
Many blessings and loving thanks to you.
I adore you.
Patsycat
[A.K.A. Linda]
P.S. I am in search of an editor. Ar\e you good at proofing and editing text without changing the feeling of the words? If so, please email me: patsycat@gmail.com
It is time for me to write the book.
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